TGIM

Ok. I know it's wrong, but I'm happy to hit the workweek! We had a WONDERFUL time this weekend, Hulk LOVED the beach - and we stayed at a friends house instead of the bunk house, and it just worked out perfectly. We even found a place that delivered wine with our pizza on Friday night! Both kids did great - Hulk slept through the night both nights and even napped in a pack and play at the beach (in a room - but I was SO impressed! This summer is going to be awesome if this is how well he is going to travel!). Aaron got an insane amount of work done around the house too - but I'm wiped out. We got home on Sunday, and it was crazy hot, Hulk was so excited to be home he wouldn't nap right away, and I was just burned. I dropped them both off at daycare with glee, and I'm now here happily thinking about work stuff.

But I wanted to share some pictures of the weekend - the best part of the weekend for me was walking over the dunes with Hulk, and he looked out over the beach (all that SAND!) and the water... and said.... Wow. Too cute.

We pretty much played in the sand all day:

He wasn't super sure about the waves though:

So I held his hand:

And finally we got close, and he thought it was really funny!

When Hulk napped, Suzanne and I got to knit for a little bit - and of course Maggie helped:

Just a really great weekend. I had so much fun playing with Hulk - something I don't get to do a lot (at least concentrated one on one) anymore. And the weather was just so perfect - it was a real treat.

Random

For lack of a way to pull all these thoughts together in a coherent way - randomness reigns:

Nora's tree - we have found the perfect tree. It'll be a pink weeping cherry, which I'm excited about (we got married in front of a similar tree, and it was important to me that it be a pink flowering tree). I was stressing on costs of everything, as Aaron of course wanted to add onto the project leveling our backyard (which is somewhat unusable right now - and we do need a level spot for the playset). But we got the name of a very down to earth, laid back guy, and we can actually afford to do everything. So - the tree will get planted within the next month, and hopefully we'll get the backyard is good shape for us to be able to play there this summer!

Maggie Sleeps - she is consistently going from 7 PM - 1 or 2 AM, drinks a quick bottle and then is back to sleep until 6 or 7 AM. It's SO nice.

Maggie does NOT eat solids - I try every day, and every day she flips out. Yesterday she even managed to throw up after I tried. Good times. She is 5 months old this week, and I can't decide if I should stress out about it or not.

Traveling - this month, we are going to be traveling with the babies almost every weekend. This weekend I'm going up to Saco Maine with both Hulk and Maggie, and Hulk's godmother. On Mother's day weekend we are going to see Aaron's mother, and on our anniversary weekend (the 22nd) we are going to Camden, Maine. Then on June 4th, I'm taking Maggie to NC to see my father and stepmother. Phew. Let's hope it's not a nightmare.

Ha.

This cracked me up and totally is me (except for the swearing at husband part, although that cracks me up too) lately. From the New Yorker this week:

Shouts and Murmurs

Coping

Like I said before, I would say that the big thing that's changed for me is that I'm not as good at coping with things. That whole insurance thing yesterday? Instead of just calling and seeing what the deal was, I flipped out. I was bawling on the phone. And, instead of just having it be that one isolated incident, I started thinking of all the OTHER stuff that is going wrong. I'm usually never like that. I'm not a Debbie Downer. And I don't want to TURN into that - but I can easily see how people get that way. If I started to dwell on even a 1/3 of the bad crap that has happened to me, I would be living under a rock crying all day.

But I'm not that kind of person. I refuse to be.

So - I will tell you that last night, when Hulk was running around in naked baby mode after his bath (one of my favorite times of the day)- I told him to 'go find dad' because I was in the middle of changing Maggie - and he turns to me and says - "Where Dad?". It melts your heart. Seriously.

And in Maggie news, I fully admit that I'm breeding her bad sleep habits. I'm pretty proud of myself that I don't rock her to sleep anymore. I did that until she was about 2 months old - we would put her to bed totally sound asleep - which I knew was bad. But I loved holding her sleeping, and I allowed myself that luxury. Now, she always goes down either fully awake, or at least acknowledging that she has been put down - and does a great job of falling asleep. She rolls around to get herself settled, but rarely makes a peep. But the second she cries I run to her. Even if it's only been 2 or 3 hours since she went to sleep. Even though Rational Cece knows she can make it 5 -6 hours. I know that I've gotten her to assume that when she wakes up - she always gets fed. But last night, I gave her an extra ounce in her rice cereal bottle, and she had that at 7:30. She woke up screaming at 11. I knew in my heart that she wasn't hungry. So I just let he figure it out. And the good news is that I thought if I let her cry, she would flip out and get more and more upset. Not the case. If anything, she calmed down even faster than when we tried this with Hulk. She would cry for about 3 minutes, and then roll around, chew on her hands, play with her little lovie... and then cry again in about 10 minutes... this went on for about 45 minutes and then she went back to sleep until 3. Which was almost 8 hours.

: )

Now I know it can be done. I just need to be tough and do it. Because even though my gut reaction is to run to her, I really, really, really need sleep. And I know that she really, really needs to sleep too. So we'll figure this out.

Fucking insurance.

Fuck them. I swear to god, if I don't lose my shit because of this god damn insurance company, it will be a minor miracle.

I thought it was all figured out. The formula I submitted on 2/5 for reimbursement which got 'lost' in the mail the first time, and then FINALLY should have gone through, just came back as REJECTED. Since then, I've had to buy another $600 in formula, which I haven't submitted because I had a feeling this would fucking happen. The lady on the phone was very nice, as I cried and told my story YET AGAIN.... but it's still going to be at least 15 fucking business days until I get my money.

FROM FEBRUARY.

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

First day at work under my belt. Of course, my id was frozen so I couldn't even read email and oh, did I mention that I didn't get a paycheck on the 15th because of a mess up with my STD setup? Everything is supposedly fixed, but do I have any money in my back account?!?! NO.

I need to just go back to bed. But even when I do, it isn't like I'm going to get any rest - as Maggie still really only sleeps 3 -4 hours.

Trying. Not. To. Lose. It.

Back and ready, I guess

I'm back from my trip. Honestly, traveling across country wasn't all that bad. Maggie was pretty great on the plane, and things really worked out that I got to bring her car seat on with me on the longer flights. So - I could hold her, but if she fell asleep, I could put her down.


The actual trip was a combo. I took it kind of as a 'soft launch' into the real world. Where Aaron wasn't with me to hold my hand, and there was about a 50/50 split of people who knew what happened and those that didn't. I did a lot better than I thought I would, in all honesty. Maggie was rough the first 2 nights, getting over being super tired, and then adjusting to the new time zone. I was freaking out a little, because I left Aaron home with a VERY sick little boy - and Aaron caught it too. I also had it a little, but not as bad as the boys. Anytime Maggie pooped - I was SO nervous that she was going to be sick too, but she never got it, thank god.

What I found is that I'm good. But I lack the ability to cope 100%. So, if everyone wasn't going my way I would sometimes lose my shit (like I couldn't find the right adapter for the video monitor one night and I started crying). On the flip side, I really, truly don't care about the little things anymore. My girlfriend that was driving me to the airport took a wrong turn, and we were going to be cutting it close to get to my flight... I seriously didn't care. Normally, I would get that tight feeling in my chest that I was going to miss my flight and start freaking out. I didn't. I told her not to worry, and I didn't either. I figured if I missed my flight, I would just catch the next one. A few other things like that happened on the trip - and I guess I've realized that there are things that are worth worrying about and things that just do not matter. It's nice.

Work starts on Monday. Which I think is a good thing. People ask me if I'm ready, and honestly - I have no clue. But how can you know until you try, right? I know we need the money!

Bullet Point Post

No idea why I haven't been posting

• Aaron dressed up as the Easter bunny and hid eggs for the neighborhood kids. It was crazy cute.

• Stopped torturing Maggie with rice cereal on a spoon, and added it to her bottle before bed. She is sleeping 7 - 1 solid each night, then again until around 5. Not awesome, but not awful with the sleep - I'm not sure that what I'm going to do about it - but decided to wait on that until I get back from our trip
• I'm leaving on on a trip Thursday with Maggie to Brainbridge Island (insert panicky voice here)
• I start working full time in less than 2 weeks (insert higher pitched panicky voice here)
• Hulk is getting new words every day - this week we've added BUBBLES! and WHY? (sigh)
• Hulk has had diarrhea since Easter - and I'm freaking out that Maggie is going to get it for my trip (more panic here)
• Also freaking out a little bit about money, but I just need to get over it.