just breathe...

ETA: My estradiol is up to 391 (from 98 on Sunday) with 4 measurable follies over 10mm (with more than 5 under 10mm on each side).That seems like good news to me! Back in for bloodwork and u/s on Thursday morning.Grow follies grow!!

That was on the socks that my hypnotherapist was wearing yesterday. Mostly - she talks to me and calms me down... and then does a little hypnosis. But this time, she used a new technique called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - and it's awesome! I guess I should preface this by saying that when someone first suggested I try hypnotherapy, I was a HUGE skeptic. After my first session of hypnosis - I was a total believer! I felt so relaxed, and didn't even feel like I was under for 30 minutes - felt like maybe 5.

Back to the EFT. At a high level, you say out loud your fears (for me, I'm worried this IVF cycle won't work, I'm freaked out, I'll feel all tied up in knots, I'm nervous I've cursed myself) and tap the side of your hand. And then tap other areas of your body. The bad feelings slowly melted away. I have no idea how this stuff works, but it does. I do know that by saying my fears out loud, I did hear how crazy some of them are! Love it.

This morning I went in for my bloodwork and u/s. I'm on day 8 of stims now. Unlike my other clinic - this place doesn't let you see the screen during the u/s. And she wouldn't even tell me how many follies she saw...said the doc had to read it. But, she did do a bunch of measurements... so I'm hoping I have some promising follies growing. I'll just have to wait until my nurse calls this afternoon.

Introducing you all to my craziness...

So. After last night's freak out (which is still continuing, thank you very much - although you all did make me feel a bit better!), I thought I should explain how I got there so quickly. I can remember the point in my life where I'm pretty sure I cursed myself on the fertility front.

Aaron and I had done a bicycle ride from Boston to P-Town (about 120 miles). We slept over that night, and the next morning, one of my girlfriends and I walked to get coffee. I saw someone with a little baby, and she said 'when do you guys think you are going to start trying'? And I said - 'I hope soon - I just have a feeling I'm going to have trouble'. I said that because one of my friends at work was pregnant after missing one BCP. One. I have in the past missed up to 3 pills in a cycle... and also had issues with taking the pill and getting flu. And didn't take other precautions... and didn't get pregnant.

I had no medical reasons to think I was going to have trouble. My mother had no issues. My brothers all have children. Aaron's brothers all have babies. Why would I even say that?

And then, when I really found out that we were going to need help, I was talking to some of my friends who have been through numerous cycles. One of the gals also was 'unexplained', and when I asked how her cycles went, she said that no matter how many drugs they pumped into her, she never responded.

When she said that, I thought, damn... I hope that doesn't happen to me.

So, when I go the call last night that I wasn't responding as they expected, my first thought was that I'd cursed myself again. Which is crazy. Totally crazy. I know it, I'm sure you all will tell me that... but it's what I'm thinking.

I'm going to get some hypnotherapy this afternoon to try and stave off the craziness.

Estradiol 98 pg/ml on day 6 of Stims?

Is this a big crisis? Should I be freaking out? They are upping my follistim by a little less than double the dose I was on before....

This is what I found on Dr. Google (at least I'm not at 75)

Abstract Purpose : To compare two GnRHa flare protocols among poor responders undergoing IVF-ET and to evaluate if a Day 6 estradiol level can predict outcome.
Methods : Retrospective analyses of GnRHa flare IVF cycles among poor responders. Group A (miniflare, N = 36) 40 g GnRHa s.c. b.i.d. from Day 3; Group B (standard flare, N = 24) 1 mg GnRHa on Days 2–3; 0.5 mg GnRHa from Day 4. ROC analysis was performed to find a Day 6 estradiol value that is predictive of cycle outcome.
Results : With the standard flare, patients required less gonadotropins and tended to have fewer cancellations and higher pregnancy rates. A Day 6 estradiol level 75 pg/mL was predictive of cycle cancellation, but not of pregnancy outcome.
Conclusions : Standard GnRHa flare offers some advantages over the miniflare. Day 6 estradiol 75 pg/mL is predictive of cycle cancellation. When the estradiol level is low on Day 6 (no flare), early cancellation should be considered.

Damn, I look good holding a baby

Go ahead. Click and go here. Scroll down to the first picture. That is me holding a friend's 5 week old baby. See! I need one of my own!

Doing the shot in my belly was MUCH better last night. Only major side effect is a constant headache... but it isn't a WICKED headache... just an annoyance.

Stinging Stims....

Last night, I started my follistim. We did the shot where we have been doing lupron (back of my arm) and DAMN did it sting. Maybe some of your IVF veterans out there have some tips? I think I'm going to try my belly tonight.

In other news, I have to go into Boston for bloodwork (thankfully, no wanding.... although I am curious as to what is going on in there by then) on Sunday morning. 8 AM. It's an hour drive one way. And my father in law is visiting. Sigh. This baby is messing with my sleep schedule before it is even conceived!!

Good times

So. AF came yesterday. And then stopped. And then started again full force late night.I may be cheating, but I went in for my baseline bloodwork and u/s today. I was supposed to go the day after AF started. Does AF starting at 11 PM count? Does it really matter? Guess I'll find out this afternoon when my nurse calls with the results! I just have an important meeting for work on Weds morning, and didn't want to chance being late.

I've never had a baseline u/s... but it took forever. And I was so worried about the bloodwork lady not being able to find my vein that I drank a bunch of water (like 32 ozs) before I got to the office. I now think I would rather deal with multiple sticks for bloodwork than 20 minutes of fishing around in my private parts for my ovaries. I would be self conscious, thinking it is because I am heavy.. but when I was 20 pounds heavier, my old clinic had no issues. I blame my bladder. I did empty out right before I went in... but I bet it filled up again before long.

Sigh.

Guess the shots start tonight! I supposedly should have to go back in for another round of bloodwork and u/s for 6 days.

Cranky Scale

I'm about an 8.5 on the cranky scale today. I'm on day 10 of lupron... and AF was due yesterday. She's still a no-show. They told me that it may take longer to get my period on Lupron, but I didn't believe them. Guess that means it's all working, right? The combo of PMS and the lupron is making for good times though - I'm pretty cranky.

I am hormonal Cece, hear me roar.

Anyway - I spent the day Saturday at the NY Sheep and Wool festival. For knitters, this is kind of like a mecca of wonderful knitty things and people. I got my spinning wheel fixed (hopefully that is going to be a good stress reliever this winter) and got to spend time with an internet friend who is pregnant now after IVF. She did a great job of reassuring me about the shots and the rest of this cycle... and gave me a bit of hope about the whole thing. I also spent time with another fiber pal who brought her 5 week old baby girl... and let me hold her as much as I'd like. It was great.

I think the other reason I'm cranky is that I stayed up way too late watching the Red Sox last night - GO SOX!