Since I'm a doctor...

NOT.

I'm thinking that clot/bleeding is/was a Subchorionic Hematoma. Just because I haven't had any real pain, and once that clot passed yesterday, I've barely had any spotting.

I know a bunch of you are recommending I call and see if I can get the u/s early - but I'm not going to do that. I know that if I go in early, and don't see a heartbeat because I pushed it too early, I'll be MORE freaked out than I am about the bleeding. As of today, I'm 6.5 weeks. When we go on Wends, I'll be 7 weeks, and I know we should see a heartbeat at that point.

Also - honestly - if I'm going to get bad news, I rather wait and not rush it, know what I mean?

Fuck.

So. I've been spotting red since Tuesday. Tonight, I went to the bathroom, and a swear, a clot the size of my thumbnail came out. I freaked out and showed Aaron (I'm sure he is loving this). He says it's normal for all we know - considering I'm on the progesterone and everything. I hate this. I want Weds to be here NOW.

I was thinking I should call the IVF fellow on call - but everytime I've mentioned my spotting to the nurse - she says it's normal - and I know plenty of you out there that have had it and are fine. And another part of me would just like to wait until Weds in case it's bad news too.

Fuck.

6 Weeks and change

I just found out today that one of my friend's wife is also pregnant - and due just a few weeks before me! Makes me feel bad that he was worried to tell me - but I think it's cool. Of course, my first thought was that I hope we get to be pregnancy buddies... and then I flashed to... why wouldn't we? It isn't like I have a history of miscarriages! I have a history of trouble getting pregnant and of it not being in the right place. Well, I AM pregnant and it IS in the right place. Plus - remember I had that implantation bleeding at 10 DPO? That is a little later than normal... so being a little behind makes sense. Of course - I'll hold off on total excitement until Weds... but I think this is great news, having a buddy IRL to go through pregnancy with. And this is her second baby - so she'll be a great resource.

In other news, I've been trying to follow a good pregnancy diet. I'm eating a lot of fruits and veggies, eating Total for breakfast, and including a lot more calcium in my diet. I also stopped caffeine and am taking my prenatal vitamin daily. I told myself in the beginning that I wasn't going to let myself be all obsessed with what people tell me to eat (Christ - my mother drank coffee and alcohol the whole time she was pregnant with me!)... but it does make sense. Mostly it's just being healthy. I also really want to start getting back to the gym, but my nurse says to wait on that until the spotting stops... which makes sense.

Looking forward to the weekend - I need to put up our Christmas tree!

I'm an ass

I can't let myself me happy about my pregnancy! It's annoying! The spotting continued yesterday (but has almost totally stopped today) and even though I was told to expect it... I didn't know how LONG was normal.

Also - my nausea? It's more in the form of *burp*, *BURP*, *BURP*, *GROSS BURP*. Do you know what I mean? I'm not throwing up... but there is a lot of burping and the occasional gross, throw-upy kind of burp.

But yesterday, one of my neighbors stopped by with this really cool pregnancy journal thing - it tells you what is happening every single day. And has a bunch of good tips (like don't drink water WITH food - I have noticed that increases the chance of gross burps).

Aaron is SO positive and optimistic that he's kind of forcing me to be too... and I have no real reason to think that everything isn't just fine... but I'm nervous. You know what I mean?

The day after...

I woke up this morning all excited and happy. It's a great feeling. I guess yesterday's appointment was weighing on me a heck of a lot more than I thought.

I'm feeling a lot more 'pregnant' today. Yesterday I had my first real bout of nausea! Who knew I'd be excited for that to start? But, on the other hand, the spotting hasn't stopped. God forbid that nerve wracking, supposedly 'normal' thing would just stop for me! But - the nurse did make a point of telling me yesterday to expect spotting from my trans-vag u/s yesterday. I understand that they needed to be totally sure the second embryo didn't implant where it wasn't supposed to - but I was violated by the u/s tech. I seriously was in pain. Which is why this current bit of red spotting isn't freaking me out (much). I would be more surprised if I didn't spot, I think.

Well gals, guess this is really happening! I even added the little ticker on my sidebar with a picture of what little Hulk looks like. How is that for positive thinking?

good news! One yolk sack in the right place!

I'm home! What a great day. First - what you all came to see:

I got to the appointment about 45 minutes early - and they only made we wait for a bit. I went in the room, and right away she did the u/s on my stomach - they saw the sac right away! Huge relief for me, obviously.

Then I had to wait a bit for the trans-vaginal one, as the radiologist needed to be there. That was really NOT pleasant. Since they put in two, and I have a history with an ectopic, they had to look everywhere for a second sac. Let's just say that if I was worried about having sex because of the baby, I am no longer. It was VERY uncomfortable.

We didn't see a heartbeat, but I'm not worried about that. I'm measuring 5 and a half weeks - which is what I was thinking I would be (with that later implantation spotting and my low numbers to begin with). My nurse has me coming in next week on Weds for an ultrasound where we should definitely see a heartbeat... and Aaron will be back in town for that... which obviously makes me happy. I know seeing the hearbeat is yet another thing for me to obsess about - but for whatever reason - I'm not. At least not just yet.

Happy Sigh.

Ok.

I've come to a sort of peace (kind of). There is not one thing that I can do to change tomorrow's ultrasound. It will be what it will be. Aaron and I have done everything just as the doctor told us, and so far, so good. Tomorrow at 1:30, I'll find out what is going on inside... and that is both exciting and scary. And, like Aaron told me before he left tonight - no matter what happens - we are going to be OK.

Not saying I won't cry if things aren't as we hope... but I know that I'll be OK. I certainly wish that I had him by my side for everything - but I've got a pretty great 'stand-in'... and I'm really hoping that all this worry is for naught.

I keep on reminding myself that my numbers were great. Everything looks good. The spotting is minimal. So, I'll keep on thinking good thoughts, and know that I have a huge support team out there putting out good, positive vibes too.

I promise to update when I get home tomorrow!