Wow

Thanks for all the great comments on my last post. Since I put it out there - I guess I needed to take some action on my 'making plans' for this baby!

Aaron and I have been talking about our day care options. Having one of us stay at home is not an option - so we need to figure out the best way for us to solve the day care dilemma. One of the advantages of being about the last person in your group to have a baby is that you can learn from everyone else's experience. My friends are pretty much spilt into 4 groups. Stay at home, full time day care, live in au pair, and part-time work/part time day care. Like I've already said, stay at home isn't an option, and for the same reasons, neither is the part-time work.part time day care. But there is the au-pair/day care discussion.

Here is what I'm thinking. The beauty of the au-pair is two fold. They are less expensive than full time day care, and much more flexible. The general rule with an au-pair is that they work 45 hours a week, and you have to give them one full weekend off a month. The down side is that they live in your house. Our house isn't really set up that another adult living in the house would be all that separate from us. I think that the money we would save would really be minimal in the end (you are also expected to provide them a car, which would mean an extra person on our insurance, plus obviously feeding them). I think we would have thought longer on the au-pair if we were having twins (I can't imagine the day care costs involved with twins!!!).

The fancy day care place is just that. It has the ideal setup that people tell you to look for in a day care (it was just built the beginning of this year). The staff is great. And - it's only 7 minutes from our house. I think this is going to be the deal breaker, as this will allow both Aaron and I to do drop off and pick ups. One of my girlfriends is totally in charge of the daycare 'duties' and that seems pretty brutal. No matter what - she needs to leave the office at an exact time. If she is sick - she has to drive him in (which is a 20 minute drive - so a 40 minute round trip).

So - with all that in mind, I'm taking Aaron for a tour of the fancy place tomorrow. Get his input. He is always good about asking the questions that I forget to ask and really looking at things. I'll report back on what he thinks!

Hello Second Trimester!

Today is the start of the second trimester. I'm 13 weeks today. Thirteen. Weeks.


One thing I've noticed in the past reading IF blogs, and certainly with NaComLeavMo - that being pregnant after infertility is a sensitive topic. We all know it's totally The Goal. And when someone is cycling, we click over on BPT day all excited to see if they are pregnant. And when they are, we are all like WOOT! But then, slowly, maybe we'll stop visiting. We get bitter when we see the u/s pictures. We cringe when they talk about car seats and what color the nursery will be. I know a lot of it is that we wish we were there. And we wish we weren't like that (the day I cried when I found out my sister in law was pregnant? I still wish that wasn't my first reaction).

I see some bloggers do that thing where in the 9th month of the pregnancy, they are still saying 'if I get to bring home a baby'. And that is sad to me. Sure, we've seen it happen - and it's horrible. But I'm going to admit, I am going to push forward and make plans and choose daycare and discuss doulas and knit little sweaters. Many may think it's too soon. But I went through this first trimester worried and constantly looking for problems. That isn't the way I go through my normal life - so why should I go through pregnancy this way? I want to be excited and have fun and ENJOY. And I know that I may lose some readers because that is too much or too 'in their face'. And I'm sorry. I still go to all my friends blogs who are cycling and cheer you on. Sometimes it's hard to type with so many body parts crossed as everyone gets closer to BPTs! But this blog is a telling of my fears, thoughts, and JOYS. After 3 years - I've finally gotten to the good point.

Here's to enjoying.

Freaking Awesome

I just got back from my OB appointment - and it was great. I was pretty nervous at first, I have to admit. I was fine all of the way until I was sitting in the room. Then I started feeling nervous. Usually Aaron has been with me - this is the first doc appointment in maybe a YEAR that he hasn't been there with me! The doc came in, and was very sweet - and talked to me quickly - and said we were going to try and get a heartbeat with the doppler. But - not to fear - if we couldn't hear with the doppler she would take me right over to u/s.

So I held my breath. And she quickly had me listen to my heartbeat. And then shifted a bit, and we heard the baby. I cried a little - and then laughed, which had the doppler make a horrible noise - and then the doc laughed.

Good times.

I've actually LOST a pound - which is shocking to me. We talked quickly about my weight concerns, and she made me feel much better. She even admitted to gaining 60 pounds with her first pregnancy. Oh - and I'm off the progesterone as of today! Hurrah!!!!!!

I scheduled my next appointment for next month, and then my big u/s at 18 weeks. That is on July 7th. I can't believe it is so soon! Of course, we aren't finding out the sex - but it'll be really neat to see the baby looking like a real baby. Only 6 weeks. Seems like time is flying now.

Happy Sigh

It's been a good long weekend. It started with working on Friday from the Berkshires at my father in laws house - it's a great house on a hill with windows overlooking trees. I would sit working on my new, super fast laptop listening to the birds. It was nice.

Saturday I went to the gym(!) and then got a massage. Heaven. I haven't gotten a massage since the beginning of my IVF cycle and I totally needed it. Then I came home to a bunch of yard work being finished up (hurrah for Aaron) and watched August Rush. What a good (albeit totally unbelievable) feel good movie. And yesterday, more of the same (but no massage, and watched Knocked Up as the movie). Today - we got up late, went to a bbq at a neighbors, and are just about to head out to dinner.

Could you ask for more in a long weekend? I think not.

Wends I'm off to my first 'real' ob/gyn. I think this is the first doc appointment that I'm not nervous for! Shocking.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Today, Aaron and I have been married 4 years! Crazy. We aren't super big on celebrating. Aaron gave me some cute cards this morning and took me out to breakfast - but we don't exchange presents. We are just happy to be together. Sometimes I think how crazy it is that I found someone that after 7 years, I still really enjoy sending time with! I couldn't imagine life any other way.

When we were eating breakfast this morning, I realized that next year at our anniversary, we'll have a little baby with us. How cool is that?

Edited to add: FLOWERS! He sent me a dozen roses at work. Big surprise! What a sweetie.

Where is my parade?

So. I'm pregnant. I really thought that once I got to this point, after 3 years of trying, I would be over the moon excited. Aaron and I would be running around the house jumping for joy that we were finally having a baby. I'd be knitting baby items by the boatload, and reading anything I could get my hands on about being pregnant, giving birth, and little babies. It's kind of like I kind of expected a parade. I envision myself on a float, holding my positive HPT with confetti flowing around me because everyone (including me) was SO excited that I was pregnant.

But I'm not. At first, I was guarded. I didn't want to open my heart up for the potential hurt if something went wrong. Now that we are starting to tell people, I guess it's just not happening like I expected. Aaron is so wrapped up in work, and the huge projects that we have going on in the house and coaching soccer that he is more stressed out than excited (I think.). My mom is super excited, but is obviously tempering her excitement with caution. Others I know are excited for me, but are just treating me like a normal pregnant lady. Which, honestly, I am. I don't know if I was expecting people to bow down before me and make offerings to my fertility? I'm a bit of a hormonal freak, I guess.

I think the biggest factor is that I'm just so tired. And that is my biggest complaint. And it makes me feel like a lame ass. Other friends of mine who are pregnant have all these stories of throwing up and constant nausea and 'round ligament pain'... I'm just tired. Mind numbingly tired. I go to work, come home, try to go for a walk, make dinner, and then stay up for an hour, tops. Go upstairs and fall asleep - only to wake up at 1 AM. And stay awake for a few hours. And then fall asleep again.

This level of tiredness is effecting everything. I forget to do things. I want to help Aaron work on the huge list of 'to-do's' that we have - but the second he says I don't have to, I jump on the offer and go inside and relax. It's making me hyper sensitive to anything people say. Which makes for a not so fun Cece.

You are supposed to get you energy back after the first trimester - lets hope that happens!

You like?

If you are a feed reader - you should click over and see my new digs! I had Cali give me a neat new header - and I love it. The first one didn't have a picture of Aaron on it. He made some comment about how that was 'wrong' and Cali put in the funny 'Bond, Aaron Bond' version. It cracks me up because Aaron didn't even wear a tux at our wedding - but he really likes his new cartoon self.

This weekend was good. I got to go to a big yarn sale and stock up. I haven't been knitting all that much because I've been SO tired. But there are a few cardigans that I want to make to wear in the fall - realizing that many of my favorite sweaters aren't going to make it over a big preggo belly.

I also went to the cabin and spent time with my mom. It actually was fun - because she was asking a lot about what I will need when the baby comes, and what my plans are, etc. Aaron and I haven't really gotten that far. We are still just excited about being pregnant (and of course, there is the shock of the child care costs... but we are OK on that now too). But - I did finally snap at her about weight issues. My friend Suzanne had come also, and we were 'voting' on what to have for dinner. And I was saying that I should get TWO votes because I'm technically TWO people. Mom walked into the room at that point, and said 'Augh. You aren't TWO people - and don't think you can eat like that'. I totally snapped at her - saying that WASN'T what I was referring to - and she needed to back off on the weight issues. She got quiet after that.

I hope this week flies by, as I'm really looking forward to the long weekend. Is it bad to be thinking of the weekend on Monday?