Today is the start of the second trimester. I'm 13 weeks today. Thirteen. Weeks.
One thing I've noticed in the past reading IF blogs, and certainly with NaComLeavMo - that being pregnant after infertility is a sensitive topic. We all know it's totally The Goal. And when someone is cycling, we click over on BPT day all excited to see if they are pregnant. And when they are, we are all like WOOT! But then, slowly, maybe we'll stop visiting. We get bitter when we see the u/s pictures. We cringe when they talk about car seats and what color the nursery will be. I know a lot of it is that we wish we were there. And we wish we weren't like that (the day I cried when I found out my sister in law was pregnant? I still wish that wasn't my first reaction).
I see some bloggers do that thing where in the 9th month of the pregnancy, they are still saying 'if I get to bring home a baby'. And that is sad to me. Sure, we've seen it happen - and it's horrible. But I'm going to admit, I am going to push forward and make plans and choose daycare and discuss doulas and knit little sweaters. Many may think it's too soon. But I went through this first trimester worried and constantly looking for problems. That isn't the way I go through my normal life - so why should I go through pregnancy this way? I want to be excited and have fun and ENJOY. And I know that I may lose some readers because that is too much or too 'in their face'. And I'm sorry. I still go to all my friends blogs who are cycling and cheer you on. Sometimes it's hard to type with so many body parts crossed as everyone gets closer to BPTs! But this blog is a telling of my fears, thoughts, and JOYS. After 3 years - I've finally gotten to the good point.
Here's to enjoying.
40 comments:
Good for you, Cece. I too find it sad to read blogs where the writer is still consumed by worry, even at a late stage of pregnancy. It makes me realize that IF has such a far reach, that it evens robs some people of the normal joys of pregnancy. After all of this time and effort, you have every right to be joyful. Even though I won't be able to relate, I'll still enjoy reading about your journey.
Wow. The second trimester. That is awesome.
I definitely hear you on the sensitivity of the topic that is pregnancy after infertility or loss. For me, I felt simultaneously overjoyed and bitter when others announced pregnancies when I was miscarrying, waiting, and trying again, but I also knew that seeing people who had come out the other side was very reassuring to me (though it was much easier handling those who were already pregnant when I miscarried than those who got pregnant after that). So I have definitely kept blogging about pregnancy, in the hope that I can offer some similar semblance of reassurance to those who come after me.
Enjoy your much-deserved enjoyment :)
Congratulations on reaching the second trimester! Please do enjoy your pregnancy, it helps me to live vicariously through you.
I love your attitude. I mean after spending all this energy, time, money and pain to get pregnant the least we can do is allow ourselves to enjoy it once we're there. And yeah, you might lose readers because it can be hard to read about pregnancy when you're in the midst of treatments. But at the same time, you hung in there with me when I got pregnant and you were still trying. So sad or not, difficult or not, that says a whole lot about you and your strength.
Welcome to 2nd tri!
I applaud that attitude and really admire the strenth. I thought I could be the same way. No survivor guilt for me! Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
I do promise though not to do any cringing when you speak of baby related items since there's still time for me to get some ideas!
You go girl! This is your blog, your space, you get to choose whatever you put on it. It is true, it is pure joy. I found that i had joy and fear all about the same topic - and still do have both many days. I can't wait to follow along with whatever your blog about. (i blogged about daycares, and all that stuff - I didn't lose readers, I lost commentors - i hope you lose neither)
You MUST enjoy being pregnant! While it is sad to think of your friends that are reading that haven't gotten to that point yet, this is your time. You should talk about whatever you choose! Don't sensor yourself on your own blog.
I always feel a little bad myself commenting on IF blogs, knowing they might follow me back to my blog and see that I'm pregnant. I talk about whatever I want on mine, and I also don't want to hurt feelings. Plus, my IF blog is completely separate and password
protected, so when people do visit me they don't see any IF talk and probably don't even realize we tried for our daughter for over three years before finally being successful with IVF. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that a blog is meant to be your own personal online journal, and I think you should write about whatever you want.
You are absolutley right - you have ahd a long journey to get here so bask in the happiness you rightly deserve.
Congrats again and
:::good thoughts:::
Good idea--all of teh cringing and apologizing all the way to 9 months gets to be a bit much. Enjoy!
I cried too the day I found out my sister in law was pregnant...and when a friend got pregnant and didn't want to be. It's hard when you've set a goal that means more than anything to you. Happy 2nd trimester and beyond!
Here from NCLM.
Congrats on the 2nd trimester! That is a great milestone to pass! I have recently come to the same conclusion about having a positive attitude (I'm 21w today). It just takes too much energy to be worried and anxious all the time.
Wow - 2nd trimester already! That's awesome news...congrats!!!
(Steps out of shadows and waves) Hi.
I've been lurking for a while and just want to say congratulations! You've struggled to get where you are and deserve to be happy and experience this pregnancy worry-free. I will be continuing to read along and cheer for you as your pregnancy advances.
Hi -- just found your blog on NaCamLeavMo (i am not on there because I found out about it to late to add my blog) -- just wanted to say good for you!!! You should remain open about this journey -- it's awesome to be pregnant especially after having a hard time getting that way......CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! sam
Thanks for this post, I have found it hard to navigate my blog lately, unsure of how much to share. I think you hit the nail on the head - blogs are a place where we can share the joyous and the ugly.
I think you've got to listen to your instincts, and it sounds like your intuition is telling you that all's going to be well. And congrats on entering the second trimester!
I've never been pregnant, and while I don't feel resentment toward pg bloggers, I just don't know what it's all about so I find I'm at a loss for words often. Kind of like a virgin commenting on sex: Your possible input is all theoretical and seems kind of silly. The happy endings are inspiring, though!
Here from nlcm
You should enjoy your pregnancy. The fact that you are being sensitive to others should tell them that you respect them and hope they can share in your happiness as you'll continue to cheer them along.
Congrats on the heartbeat and the 2nd trimester. Here from NCLM.
Congratulations on being in your second trimester!
Enjoy your pregnancy. Enjoy knitting little baby outfits. Enjoy decorating the nursery. Enjoy all of it. Having a baby is supposed to be all about joy.
I'm planning to enjoy reading all about it.
Exactly. Enjoy it all. Look, I'll be 47 in a couple of weeks and my two beautiful kids are 9 and 13 and growing up fast. Adoption was the best thing that ever happened to us (and as an adoptee myself I believe that 100%), but yeah, sometimes it still hurts a tiny bit and then i pinch myself and remind myself that all of us have a goal to parent and when a friend gets closer to that goal it's all good.
Of course, you understand that little peanut/dumpling/ceceaaron jr is going to be wearing a lot of gender free colors for awhile?
Congrats on T2, Cece :)
Enjoying sounds like a great plan,
J
You GO GIRL! It is the thing to do, you need to move to your happy space with this PG.
I had a friend tell me early on that she hoped I could just enjoy being pregnant. She said, "What if it DOES end badly? And you didn't enjoy it while it lasted? What would it change, other than you not enjoying what part you did have?". She added, "Do you think being worried will make any difference in the outcome?", and I had to answer truthfully, no.
I saw great wisdom in this, and I tried very hard to put aside my fears. It worked for me. I think I was at 15 wks, and it did a world of good for my outlook. Probably for kiddo too.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I totally hear you on wanting to enjoy. I started to relax around month 5. I still worried, but not as much. And fortunately, everything turned out okay. It's scary to enjoy, because you don't want the rug pulled out from under you. It makes it emotionally easier if you can remain somewhat detached; but it's brave to enjoy yourself. So keep talking about doulas and nursery colors and names -- you've earned it, and the odds are in your favor.
Just like the others have said - your blog is for you. If you have friends dealing with this IRL, you have to be sensitive and pay attention to what you say. So here, in the blogosphere, you get to talk all about yourself and your feelings. It might hurt some people, but that might happen anyway because you're pregnant. Meanwhile, if you censor yourself, you lose this opportunity to share your real feelings and get people's thoughts on them (tons and tons it seems, during NaComLeavMo).
I hear what you are saying about the difference of feeling between the 1st and 2nd trimester....I certainly feel it.
Congrats on hitting this milestone and thinking positive about your future with the wee one. =)
Hola from NCLM!
The name of your blog made me laugh! I always complain about my hips & my husband always tells me they are "baby bearing hips"...well, a year later & one IVF coming up!!!! :)
Anyway, I think your attitude is wonderful. I agree with everything you said & I don't think that you should allow yourself to be consumed with worry. Enjoy your pregnancy & count each day as one more down!
Love the blog...I'll be back for sure :)
Hello from NCLM.
I also wanted to say. Good for you for looking ahead and being positive. I found I had to do that too.
Congrats on the second trimester! :)
YAY!
One big milestone done! As someone who hasn't gotten pregnant, I do like to watch my fellow IFers in their pregnancies, but sometimes, I confess I do feel jealous, and sometimes I do leave fewer comments, especially for posts that discuss questions about baby equipment, specific pregnancy concerns, etc. But I still read.
I think you should enjoy yourself now. You deserve to!
Here from NCLM. Congrats on your pregnancy and you should enjoy it!
Congratulations on finally achieving your pregnancy!
I pretty much had the same reaction to a friend of mine who wasn't even *trying* to get pg. I bawled for days and I was bitter for weeks after I found out by ACCIDENT. (I'm not even sure if it was that she was pg or if it was because she didn't tell me--I don't know)
I decided that I wasn't going to let other people's pregnancies get me down anymore.
I'm praising God for giving me more time to spend with my husband alone, for giving me this time, the air I breathe and all the wonderful things in life that I get to experience (like traveling in Europe for 8 years!)
Visiting from NCLM!
here from NCLM...I think you've expressed what a lot of people have noticed in this great blog-a-thon--some blogs you can read, and some you can't, depending on where you are in life and where you've been.
That said, I'm thrilled to read about your progressing pregnancy!
OMG, I am so glad to hear this! Every bit of it, from the determination to enjoy your pg - it's the second trimester, for pete's sake, enjoy away! - to your continued commenting and cheering on of other bloggers' TTC efforts. Bless you, bless you, bless you!
And congratulations. Visiting from NCLM.
Congrats on the second trimester. I really enjoyed reading this post. I'm a few weeks behind you and still trying to figure out the balance between not telling too many people in case something goes wrong and being excited about this stage. I'm also finding myself incredibly hesitant to buy maternity clothes, although it is apparent to everyone that I am already in need of them. So thanks for the clear thoughts on the issue.
and you should enjoy it! It's horrible to not be able to enjoy what should be a happy occasion. I've had 2 m/cs so I will probably stress/worry until the 2nd or 3rd trimester!
Good luck and happy everything to you. I must also chime in that I sometimes feel that way too-where I congratulate someone for their pregnancy but as they progress further than I did, I get jaded and sad. Sucks, but I'm working on that!
(here from NaComLeavMo)
13 weeks! congratulations!!! :)
infertility and pregnancy is a strange mix. I too am guilty of not relaxing or enjoying my first 2 trimesters. ALWAYS worried about something. my sister told me to "cut the crap. you are now just like any other pregnant woman."
wrong! the fertile world still just does not get it.
Congrats on making it to your second trimester! I have a two year old son and had a misscarriage a few months ago. We are trying to get pregnant again and I hope that when we do I can have the kind of positive outlook that you do and not spend the time worrying that we'll have another loss.
Congrats on 13 weeks! I was worried right up until each baby was placed in my arms, heck to tell the truth I still worry about them all the time! I do think IF and loss robbed me a little of really enjoying my pg, but at the same time I never took one day of it for granted and cherished every minute I was pg. I may have whined a bit about symptoms, but I am human after all!
Congrats to you! Seriously, it's great to be a point where you finally enjoy your pregnancy! I know MayDayGirl had a hard time coming to that point...
I'm so happy for you!
here from NCLM...
I agree, that sometimes this IF krap brings out "less than ideal" versions of ourselves. I'm sure we've all been there, and on some level, we've all regretted it.
That being said, I applaud you for wanting to celebrate & enjoy this pregnancy. That's the way it SHOULD be. IF robs us all of enough as it is. If you can not let it take this, too... then more power to you!
I have nothing to add except you go grrl!
wow you're so right!
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