Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Where is my parade?

So. I'm pregnant. I really thought that once I got to this point, after 3 years of trying, I would be over the moon excited. Aaron and I would be running around the house jumping for joy that we were finally having a baby. I'd be knitting baby items by the boatload, and reading anything I could get my hands on about being pregnant, giving birth, and little babies. It's kind of like I kind of expected a parade. I envision myself on a float, holding my positive HPT with confetti flowing around me because everyone (including me) was SO excited that I was pregnant.

But I'm not. At first, I was guarded. I didn't want to open my heart up for the potential hurt if something went wrong. Now that we are starting to tell people, I guess it's just not happening like I expected. Aaron is so wrapped up in work, and the huge projects that we have going on in the house and coaching soccer that he is more stressed out than excited (I think.). My mom is super excited, but is obviously tempering her excitement with caution. Others I know are excited for me, but are just treating me like a normal pregnant lady. Which, honestly, I am. I don't know if I was expecting people to bow down before me and make offerings to my fertility? I'm a bit of a hormonal freak, I guess.

I think the biggest factor is that I'm just so tired. And that is my biggest complaint. And it makes me feel like a lame ass. Other friends of mine who are pregnant have all these stories of throwing up and constant nausea and 'round ligament pain'... I'm just tired. Mind numbingly tired. I go to work, come home, try to go for a walk, make dinner, and then stay up for an hour, tops. Go upstairs and fall asleep - only to wake up at 1 AM. And stay awake for a few hours. And then fall asleep again.

This level of tiredness is effecting everything. I forget to do things. I want to help Aaron work on the huge list of 'to-do's' that we have - but the second he says I don't have to, I jump on the offer and go inside and relax. It's making me hyper sensitive to anything people say. Which makes for a not so fun Cece.

You are supposed to get you energy back after the first trimester - lets hope that happens!

18 comments:

Frieda said...

You will really get your energy back in the second trimester. All of this is normal and your pregnancy is normal. We are all very excited for you. I wish I was there to visit with you. I am working on secret projects. Yeah!!!!!!!! Lighten up on yourself. Have a greaat week.

Jen said...

The first tri exhaustion is the pits. But around 15 or 16 weeks it really got better for me. Also, the end of first tri is a little boring because you're still waiting to hit all those big milestones...hearing the HB, feeling the baby move, finding out the gender, etc. Trust me, once you hit 2nd tri and gain some energy it will get much more exciting.

Ahuva Batya said...

The exhaustion is really hard, and like you say, when it's your only real symptom it makes the whole experience a little unreal. I think as you get into the second trimester and a feeling of confidence, you'll allow yourself to get excited and read all those baby books!

Deborah said...

It's funny how nobody talks about the exhaustion as much as about the nausea. Tiredness seems to be much worse for many people. Go ahead and sleep - don't feel bad not helping Aaron.

Fertilized said...

Yes you will get a spring in your step back. Just give yourself lots of rest and relaxation untilk you feel that extra bounce

Chas said...

The first trimester is really terribly exhausting. When I was pregnant with my daughter my energy came back right around week 12. This time, it took a little longer, but rest assured it definitely comes back.

Nearlydawn said...

Yep, you will get it back... Hang in there! Personally, I felt GREAT for the 2nd trimester and on up until about 35 wks or so. Hopefully you will have a very smooth ride.

Anonymous said...

I was also never nauseous, but super tired until about 14 weeks. It does get better after that. And I for one am VERY excited for you. Hang in there.

Brandy said...

I had the nausea and exhaustion - neither one is easy and both make daily living difficult. It does get better though and I felt like the exhaustion really lightened up by 14-16 weeks. This is your body's way of telling you to rest - you're growing a tiny human in there! :-)

Zephra said...

It will get better but try and listen to your body. Relax and enjoy it.

Baby Step said...

I am that tired all the time too. What is MY excuse?? Maybe the pom martinis.

Samantha said...

I'm so glad that things are working out for you! It's funny how sometimes we reach important milestones, but the cause for celebration seems to be a little weak. I think it's something you've been working so hard on for so long, it's going to take a little longer to sink in. In the meantime, keep getting your sleep, and I hope more energy kicks in for the second trimester.

KatieM said...

I can relate to that "weirdness". I actually hated telling people...it felt so odd for me after going through IF. Even stranger still is the fact that although I love the fact I am starting to get a little belly and of course I love the reason that belly is growing I have these mini panic attacks in the morning on days when I feel I "show" more than others. It's like "holy crap, this won't be a secret for much longer (although technically it isn't a "secret" because friends and family know, but still). This pregnancy isn't mine anymore, it's everyones". I know it sounds stupid, but it has happened a few times.

momofonefornow said...

I had the same issue when I finally got pregnant after 5 years of trying. People were excited for me, but not like I had imagined. I think that it boils down to the simple fact that unless someone has walked a mile in your shoes, they can't really understand the magnitude of your experience. The people that deal with IF are probably going to be more excited than those that don't because we know what a struggle it was to get there.

That is my take on it anyway. BTW, I was exhausted for the entire 1st trimester and I found that I had really crazy dreams (which usually woke me up). I don't know if anyone else experiences that, but I did.

Momma Mary said...

I was the same way. EXHAUSTED. I taught preschool, and had to STAY AWAKE during naptime. Yeah. Right. :) I did eventually get over the sleepies, but so much so that my third trimester I didn't sleep much at all. :) Here's to sleep! Get as much as you can, while you can!

Katt said...

I completely understand what you are saying. I had similar feelings when I was pregnant. I had this vision in my head of what I'd be like when I was pregnant, and it was nothing like the reality of it. I didn't actually start work on the baby's room until I was in the third trimester. And I was mind numbingly tired too.

But, I can say, looking back, I really loved being pregnant. I have such great memories of it and I actually miss it! Wait until you start feeling the baby moving. I think that was when it finally became real for me.

Now I have my six month old and it is a dream come true!

Congratulations!

Cassie said...

Well congratulations! You probably will get more energy in your second trimester, at least I did. But it's also sort of short lived because by your third trimester, you're exhausted again. At least that's how it was/is with me. Congratulations again though!

Laura said...

NaComLeavMo

I am 8 days ahead of you & I am with you on the tiredness. Bone crippling, amnesia making tiredness. I hope it lifts for us both soon.