Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Random good things

  • I got myself an Egro Carrier. My friend was going to let me borrow hers, and when I was at a store that carried then I gave it a whirl. Maggie was asleep within 3 minutes of me putting her in it. I bought it. Of course, I got the cute one. I resisted getting it because I have the Moby wrap and a ring sling already- but I see the uses of all three.
  • I found a solution to a bit of a financial stress I've been under.
  • Have I mentioned how much I love my freaking kitchen?
  • Hulk is crazy cute.
  • Maggie smiles often now
  • I got Jojoba oil for Maggie's cradle cap - and it's the first thing that has actually made a difference.
  • I have a bunch of great friends who help me out - last night I was totally overwhelmed because Maggie was crying and Hulk was whining for dinner and Aaron was working an overnight so wasn't coming home and I couldn't get it together. I went next door and was just going to casually ask my neighbor if she wouldn't mind holding Maggie while I fed Hulk, and I broke down crying (which was weird - I really wasn't that upset - but when I got my period this morning it all made sense, lol)... she dropped everything and came right over. And another neighbor came just to say hi, and stayed until 8 when Maggie went to sleep. I'm lucky.
  • Saw the baby friendly movie yesterday - It's Complicated - and that was pretty funny!
  • And finally, Maggie is napping so I'm going to stop f'ing around on this computer and sit and relax and knit a bit!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

A good heart

Well, I already knew that our family has a good heart, but now it's proven in Maggie's case. On Friday we went to see the pediatric cardiologist, and she had a totally normal EKG and echo. And, the doc was wonderful and sat down and really explained SIDS to us.

Turns out, it is VERY rare for a very young infant to die (assuming no known birth issues). He explained there are really only 4 ways an infant would pass away - a structural heart issue, a massive infection, a brain issue, and a different cardiac issue. The first 2 were ruled out in Nora's case already. But after listening to our story, he feels it's the 4th reason. All babies have a blood vessel that bypasses the lungs in-utero. When the baby is born, that blood vessel switches off, and in the first few days of life, the hole for it should close up. If it doesn't, there is a chance that the babies blood would bypass the lungs, and then non-oxygenated blood would be circulating around her body, which obviously is a very bad thing. He feels that this is what happened to Nora - even thought he can't really prove it.

The thing about this explanation is that is makes me feel better in a few ways. First - there is nothing Aaron nor I could have done to prevent it. It isn't like if we poked her and 'reminded' her to breathe that she would still be with us today. He assured us that even if we were holding her when it happened, we couldn't have done anything. Nor is it something that they could have seen in the many ultrasounds I had prior to her birth - it's a vessel that supposed to be there. And, there really isn't a way to screen for it after birth. He did talk about talking a blood oxygen reading while in the hospital (they do that in Sweden now) - if for whatever reason the blood is still passing thought that vessel the babies blood oxygen would be low sometimes... but it could also happen just one time with fatal consequences.

And - him taking the time to actually explain SIDS and the main causes of it has made me feel a lot better about Maggie and her health. We know her heart is perfect thanks to this visit, and now I know that my theory of making sure she is breathing all night is a little crazy.

Doesn't answer the way question - like WHY did this happen to us - but it does soothe a bit of our worries on if we could have done something and the stress of the possibility of it happening again.

Off to work on painting the blackboard wall - WOOT!

Friday, February 19, 2010

'New' Kitchen

Well, everything in the kitchen is finished and put back together and I LOVE IT. Pictures as requested:

The before picture (these were taken when we bought the house - so ignore the decorations)

And the after photos! Love it!!!!!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Time suck

This week has been sucked up by kitchen painting. Aaron's uncle is in town, and volunteered to help us paint our kitchen cabinets and the walls of the kitchen and hallway. The cabinets were an oak color, and the walls an awful mustard brown. I've been helping where I can, and he is almost done! The cabinets are a great linen white, and the walls are mostly a light blue. I'm planning on painting one wall in magnetic blackboard paint, which I happen to think is super cool.

Tomorrow we are going to the cardiologist with Maggie to get that EKG done. She had a pretty normal one at my doctor's office, but they weren't able to get all of the info they needed, so we are going to this specialist. I'm pretty confidant that Maggie is perfectly healthy, but no reason not to check. She is doing a lot better this week - I think the increase in dosage on the meds has worked - she is pretty much sleeping each night from 8 - 12 or 1, and then again from 1:30 to around 5 or 6.

I'm officially not going to work until April 19th, so Aaron and I are working on getting into a rhythm with me at home. Now that Maggie is more manageable, it is kind of hard to justify leaving everything a big mess until Aaron gets home, but at the same time - I'm off of work for a reason, to try and recover from the c-section and Nora's death as much as possible - so cleaning the house top to bottom each day (and for those that know me know that would never happen anyway). Just trying to find a balance, and also talk to each other about what we expect. With two little babies there just isn't much downtime and it's rough.

We did have a good Valentine's Day - a nice dinner with a good conversation, Maggie managed to sleep long enough for dinner to get cooked and for me to finish most of it before she started fussing... we even ate at the table and had candles!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Not much new...

Sorry I haven't been posting much. Some is due to the fact that I just don't have much exciting to say, and some is due to the fact that all my spare time has been obsessively knitting a pair of mittens (go here to see).

Both Maggie and Hulk are doing awesome. Hulk is just finishing up getting in 4 new teeth - thank god. He was pretty cranky there for a while. And Maggie is officially smiling now. Ear to ear grins. She certainly makes you work for it, though! We had to up her meds, as she was still pretty miserable - but she also went through quite a growth spurt. She gained almost 8 ozs last week - she is up to almost 11 pounds... and you can tell! She is slowly losing her little chicken legs - all I'm asking for is for her legs to fill out her diapers! If you don't put them on in a very specific way, pee just flows right out! Sigh.

Mostly I've been trying to process some crappy dreams I've been having over the past week. For a few nights in a row, I would dream that they (whoever they would be) gives me back Nora. And then, they tell me I can keep her if I can keep her alive, which involves staying up and poking at her every 3 minutes to remind her to breathe. I'm never able to do it in the dream, and usually am woken up by Maggie crying for a bottle... which is just the worst way to be woken out of a dream like that. The other night, before we upped her meds, she had her bottle around 2 Am. She drank the whole thing without any fussing, let me change her diaper and as I was walking back to bed, her eyes were rolling back in her head. I was excited that she'd finally gotten to the point where each feeding wasn't a 60 minute ordeal. Well, I laid her down, got comfortable myself, and she started flipping out... and I couldn't calm her down. I left the room, and about 10 minutes later, Aaron came in to see what was up. I was crying, she was crying, it was awful. Aaron took over and got things under control - but it was just too much. Waking up from such a shitty dream, then being all excited that Maggie was maybe getting better and would fall asleep nice and quickly after a bottle - only to have her totally freak out...it was too much for me that night. Thankfully I've gone 2 nights without dreaming like that, but it was really awful while it was happening.

My boss also called just to check in and see how I was. I told him I'd be coming back to work on April 19th. He seemed totally fine with that which is cool. If you can believe it, with Hulk - I was going back to work a week from now! I don't know how I did it! Of course, I do feel like the first 6 weeks of Maggie's life were totally lost to shock, grief, and dealing with her stomach issues. Now we are getting into a rhythm and having some fun, finally.

OK - off to clean up a bit before she wakes up for her next bottle....

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Definitely Reflux

So. Since Maggie had throw up the priolsec 3 nights in a row, and I was SO sure that she didn't have reflux.... I decided to stop the medicine. The doc had recommended we try that anyway, as you don't want her on meds for no reason. Well, after day four of no medicine, she was frantic. I was still kind of in denial, but my girlfriend from down the street came over one morning, and was helping me get Hulk ready for school. Her daughter had AWFUL reflux,so she had done a lot of research and lived through it. She volunteered to change Maggie while I was feeding Hulk breakfast, and I guess all the things that I had thought were just normal 'after feeding' behavior for Maggie (spit up, hiccups, this little convulsing thing) are signs of reflux.


So - got her back on the meds as of Sunday night, and she is back to doing well. My girlfriend also explained that the priolosec is a 24 hour medicine. Because I have to give it to her in a certain window (2 hours after feeding but at least 45 minutes before the next) if I give it to her at 5 PM one day, there is a chance that I would give it to her at 6 PM the next day. And since it is a slow acting medicine, she'll not have it for that next feeding, and that is why some nights she would be freaking out right before bedtime. Which is awful. Awful, awful, awful. We are trying to wind down from the day, and it's really the only feeding that Aaron has with her... and she is FREAKING out. So - not that I understand more how the medicine works, I changed to giving it to her in the morning, and it's much better. She still does a bit of crying at night, but I think that is more her fussy time than anything else.

She got her 2 month shots today - here hoping we don't have a big impact from them! OK - the princess is calling for her bottle....