Not much new...

Sorry I haven't been posting much. Some is due to the fact that I just don't have much exciting to say, and some is due to the fact that all my spare time has been obsessively knitting a pair of mittens (go here to see).

Both Maggie and Hulk are doing awesome. Hulk is just finishing up getting in 4 new teeth - thank god. He was pretty cranky there for a while. And Maggie is officially smiling now. Ear to ear grins. She certainly makes you work for it, though! We had to up her meds, as she was still pretty miserable - but she also went through quite a growth spurt. She gained almost 8 ozs last week - she is up to almost 11 pounds... and you can tell! She is slowly losing her little chicken legs - all I'm asking for is for her legs to fill out her diapers! If you don't put them on in a very specific way, pee just flows right out! Sigh.

Mostly I've been trying to process some crappy dreams I've been having over the past week. For a few nights in a row, I would dream that they (whoever they would be) gives me back Nora. And then, they tell me I can keep her if I can keep her alive, which involves staying up and poking at her every 3 minutes to remind her to breathe. I'm never able to do it in the dream, and usually am woken up by Maggie crying for a bottle... which is just the worst way to be woken out of a dream like that. The other night, before we upped her meds, she had her bottle around 2 Am. She drank the whole thing without any fussing, let me change her diaper and as I was walking back to bed, her eyes were rolling back in her head. I was excited that she'd finally gotten to the point where each feeding wasn't a 60 minute ordeal. Well, I laid her down, got comfortable myself, and she started flipping out... and I couldn't calm her down. I left the room, and about 10 minutes later, Aaron came in to see what was up. I was crying, she was crying, it was awful. Aaron took over and got things under control - but it was just too much. Waking up from such a shitty dream, then being all excited that Maggie was maybe getting better and would fall asleep nice and quickly after a bottle - only to have her totally freak out...it was too much for me that night. Thankfully I've gone 2 nights without dreaming like that, but it was really awful while it was happening.

My boss also called just to check in and see how I was. I told him I'd be coming back to work on April 19th. He seemed totally fine with that which is cool. If you can believe it, with Hulk - I was going back to work a week from now! I don't know how I did it! Of course, I do feel like the first 6 weeks of Maggie's life were totally lost to shock, grief, and dealing with her stomach issues. Now we are getting into a rhythm and having some fun, finally.

OK - off to clean up a bit before she wakes up for her next bottle....