Thursday, February 11, 2010

Not much new...

Sorry I haven't been posting much. Some is due to the fact that I just don't have much exciting to say, and some is due to the fact that all my spare time has been obsessively knitting a pair of mittens (go here to see).

Both Maggie and Hulk are doing awesome. Hulk is just finishing up getting in 4 new teeth - thank god. He was pretty cranky there for a while. And Maggie is officially smiling now. Ear to ear grins. She certainly makes you work for it, though! We had to up her meds, as she was still pretty miserable - but she also went through quite a growth spurt. She gained almost 8 ozs last week - she is up to almost 11 pounds... and you can tell! She is slowly losing her little chicken legs - all I'm asking for is for her legs to fill out her diapers! If you don't put them on in a very specific way, pee just flows right out! Sigh.

Mostly I've been trying to process some crappy dreams I've been having over the past week. For a few nights in a row, I would dream that they (whoever they would be) gives me back Nora. And then, they tell me I can keep her if I can keep her alive, which involves staying up and poking at her every 3 minutes to remind her to breathe. I'm never able to do it in the dream, and usually am woken up by Maggie crying for a bottle... which is just the worst way to be woken out of a dream like that. The other night, before we upped her meds, she had her bottle around 2 Am. She drank the whole thing without any fussing, let me change her diaper and as I was walking back to bed, her eyes were rolling back in her head. I was excited that she'd finally gotten to the point where each feeding wasn't a 60 minute ordeal. Well, I laid her down, got comfortable myself, and she started flipping out... and I couldn't calm her down. I left the room, and about 10 minutes later, Aaron came in to see what was up. I was crying, she was crying, it was awful. Aaron took over and got things under control - but it was just too much. Waking up from such a shitty dream, then being all excited that Maggie was maybe getting better and would fall asleep nice and quickly after a bottle - only to have her totally freak out...it was too much for me that night. Thankfully I've gone 2 nights without dreaming like that, but it was really awful while it was happening.

My boss also called just to check in and see how I was. I told him I'd be coming back to work on April 19th. He seemed totally fine with that which is cool. If you can believe it, with Hulk - I was going back to work a week from now! I don't know how I did it! Of course, I do feel like the first 6 weeks of Maggie's life were totally lost to shock, grief, and dealing with her stomach issues. Now we are getting into a rhythm and having some fun, finally.

OK - off to clean up a bit before she wakes up for her next bottle....

8 comments:

HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm glad that Hulk and Maggie are doing awesome. I miss you when you don't post.

Michele said...

So glad the kids are doing well.

That dream sucks. I am so sorry.

calliope said...

I've been thinking of you. Could you drop me an e-mail when you have a chance? creatingmotherhood@mac.com

xo

serenity said...

I've been thinking about you, too. I'm happy to hear that both Hulk and Maggie are doing well.

Your dream sucks, and I'm sorry you have to deal with Nora's loss over and over in your dreams.

Hugs and love to you.

xxx

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Geohde said...

You are one of the most resilient people I know. You've been through the wringer and the dreams are no surprise.

xx

g

Megan said...

I was wondering how you and your crew were doing. I am glad that Hulk and Maggie are great- you're a great mommy. I pray that you can sleep peacefully and your dreams stop haunting you.

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