Sunday, August 31, 2008
I've talked about this with my friends, and they say that it's kind of like when someone says you don't look fat - you may LOOK fat, - but they know it's not what you want to here. People assume that you don't WANT to look pregnant, so they exclaim that you don't. Sigh.
But Saturday morning - I popped up awake at 6 AM, and Aaron and I decided to go to the breakfast hot spot in our town. We only go if we are up and running early, as we hate waiting. We go there a lot, and the owner knows us pretty well. Well enough to know we are pregnant - and well enough that we'd mentioned we were trying for a pretty long time. Anyway - he sees me walking to the door, and yells out - "I thought you were supposed to be pregnant! You don't look pregnant!" At first, I just didn't know what to say. I'm hoping it was the whole theory that I was talking about above - that I DO look pregnant, but he thinks I want to hear that I'm small (or whatever). But isn't that kind of a shocking thing to say to someone? I'm only 26 weeks - what if I WASN'T pregnant anymore. How horrible would that have been to have someone say something like that. Jesus.
Or - maybe I'm just hypersensitive because of our past. I laughed it off chalked it up to him being an ass.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I'm still not always believing I'm pregnant! I was at my prenatal yoga class last week, and a woman there who is 39 weeks pregnant loves to do the pigeon pose. I don't. I was joking around, and said I would do it to make the pregnant lady happy. She laughed, and said 'Which one?' (even our instructor is pregnant).
I've been feeling really good lately. Last week I exercised (did yoga, swam, walked) 4 days, and this week, I've done something everyday since Sunday morning! It goes back to the whole 'nothing hurts' stage of pregnancy. I've been having trouble sleeping - mostly because I have to pee 2 - 3 times a night and my hips hurt from sleeping on my side - so my theory was to tire myself out, and maybe I'd sleep more. For that part of the plan, I'm not really having a lot of success, but I've also been feeling a LOT better on the days I manage to do something active. So I'm going to try and keep that up as long as I'm in this 'nothing hurts' stage of pregnancy!
I'm getting more and more excited about my week off of work. I haven't had a whole week off since April - and I really plan on enjoying myself. Saturday, my friend Suzanne and I are going to go to u-pick raspberries, and then go home and make jam. Monday, Aaron and I drive to the spa - where we will stay for 3 nights.... and then Friday, planning a day trip to Portsmouth, NH with another friend! Hurrah!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Mom. You just never messed with her. She wasn't a 'hugger' or a person who would tell you 'I love you', or really, even told me 'Good Job'. She expected me to do well (school, swimming, whatever) and I did. I would go to school from 9 - 3:30, and then go swimming from 4 - 5:15. I would get home, and we would sit down and have dinner together. She then would usually leave for an hour or two for whatever commitment she had that evening (she was on the church choir, and on the boards of several organizations). I never remember having a babysitter - I would just clean up the dishes from dinner and do my homework (while watching TV! A big no-no if she was home). She also was (and is still) totally obsessed with weight/body size - and had me in Weight Watchers from age 12. That is a whole other story. She was (is!) a formidable woman who made a hell of a lot of sacrifices so I could go to private schools and the best college I could get into. There wasn't any extra money, that was for damn sure - so I wasn't one of those kids with the cool clothes or the Atari system, or even cable TV. To this day, she still doesn't have cable.
But - I did go to private schools, and she had a vacation home in the Berkshires that we pretty much went to every single weekend in the summer.
Dad: After he left my mother, he moved in with Barb. Later on, I found out that he was cheating on my mom with Barb, which was one of the many reasons that they split. Anyway - Barb was fun for me. She really liked to spend time with kids, and would take me to the park or play games or help me make clothes for my dolls - all things that my mom never did. Later I found out that Barb couldn't have kids (her first husband and she even did IUIs!) But my father? He would pick me up (Sometimes. He 'forgot' more than once) drop me off with Barb, and then go out and go golfing. Or something else that didn't involve me. If he WAS home, he was reading a book or watching TV. Certainly not spending time with me. But he was the guy that got me a Cabbage Patch doll when they were the thing to have, and also gave me an allowance. And as I got older, if he would see people on my swim team who dyed their hair purple or something - he would threaten me by saying 'If you do that, I'll disown you'. And I believed him - because he has 4 other kids from other marriages that he never talks to. But his lack of interest in me certainly didn't make him feel like he couldn't take full credit for my good grades or all American swimming accomplishments. Which used to piss me off.
But - for all his faults - he stuck to the divorce agreement, and paid for 50% of my schooling. He gave me a car when I was 16. He even paid for me to get my pilots license. And, he was the reason I had a 'parent' that played with me - even though HE didn't - Barb did. To this day, my father and I really have no real relationship.
So - truly an interesting mix - and I think the reason that became the person I am is watching the crazy dynamics of all the adults in my life. When I think about what kind of mom I want to be? It's hard.
- I want to have fun with my kids. I want to play and laugh and joke around. That was certainly lacking in a 'kid' sense as I grew up. Sure - my mom and I had fun - but it was a different, a kind of more 'adult' fun. And the fun I had with my dad - was always a cautious fun - not knowing when he would lose it and start yelling or lecturing me.
- I want my kids to have discipline. I have NO idea what it was that made me listen to my mother. But I did. And I want to be able to have that same authority with my kids. I want to have fun, but I still want to be The Mom.
- I want to avoid putting my own hang ups on my children. Do I want them to grow up chubby? No. But I look back on the pictures of me when my mom was sending me to Weight Watchers, and I cringe. I wasn't fat. Not even CLOSE. But because my mom was obsessed with me being thin, I assumed I must have been fat. I never want to do that to anyone. It's crazy when I think I've been basically dieting since I was 12!
- I want my kids to be proud of who they are. I never thought twice of bringing people home with me from my fancy private boarding school. And I grew up in a 1000 sq ft ranch. I just never knew different, and I never questioned why we didn't have cable or whatever. We just didn't. And it didn't bother me. I want my kids to be like that - just know what our life is - and be happy with it.
- I want my kids to be healthy. I think a lot of who I am today is based around the fact that I did a huge amount of sports growing up. I'm a strong woman, and pretty confidant that I can do anything I make up my mind to do. I will encourage my kids to be active.
- I'll cook for my kids. My brother feds my nieces McD's, Taco Bell or pizza every night. I think that is horrible.
- I will NOT buy my children everything they want. When I was growing up, I got presents on my birthday and Christmas. And at Christmas, my mom's rule was 3 big presents. One was a book, one was clothing, and the other was a toy. My father usually gave me a few more toys - but nothing obscene. I think that helped make presents special. And I would treasure them more.
- I will let my kids make messes. There were a lot of things I wanted to do when was a kid (finger painting was one I really remember) that my mom would NEVER allow to occur, mostly because she felt the paint would 'get all over the house'. Or draw with chalk on the driveway. Or course - I'll work on us cleaning up afterwards, but making a mess is fun!
- I will let my kids learn from their mistakes. And learn on their own. I know many friends that had mothers that pushed for them to swim certain events. Or helped them write papers so they would get good grades. My mom never even tried to help me with my homework or intervene on my behalf with a coach. I did everything myself - and I think I learned more for it. I think I may give a little more help in the homework front (I wish someone took the time with me outside of class with math, for instance)... but I don't expect to be typing up papers for my kids!
- I will let my kids know that they are loved and wanted. I will hug them and kiss them until they get to the age when that is horribly embarrassing. I will NEVER threaten to disown them.
Phew. I guess I've thought about this a lot, huh?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
And here she is harassing my boxer (these are actually pictures from the cabin on the 4th of July I forgot to share)
Anyway - it ended up being a good weekend. Visits with my mother can go either way - you know how mother's are! They just know all the buttons to push. Remember her obsession with me gaining too much weight? Now she is worried I'm not getting 'big' enough (whatever that means). But she told me a cute story about when I was born. She didn't know if she was having a girl or a boy, and when I turned out to be a girl, she couldn't sleep all night she was so excited! I think that is sweet.
I even took her with me to water aerobics this morning. She had a blast.
She left a few hours ago, and I'm sitting and knitting and catching up on the Olympics. I'm going to miss having them to watch everyday! The dogs are completely exhausted from puppy overload, and Aaron is doing laundry in the new super duper machines so he has clean clothes for his first day at the new job tomorrow!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
But what is more interesting, is that people oftentimes balk at my answer - which is: "I plan to try". I understand the importance of breast feeding. I certainly have read up on it, and really don't need lectures - but if I've learned anything in going through IF, it's that sometimes, you can want something to work SO badly... but no amount of wishing and hoping can make it work. Thankfully, in my case, IVF did work. And I'm happily pregnant with my already much loved and wanted baby. And by all indications, I should be able to breastfeed (nothing is 'inverted' and I'm already producing colostrum).
But will I be CRUSHED if I can't?
I have to say no.
I wasn't breast fed. I've watched different friends either breastfed with ease, give up trying in the first few days, or suffer through bleeding nips and pain - and all have ended up with healthy, wonderful children. And none regret their decisions! The ones who ended up formula feeding AND the ones that had weeks of frustration - they all are happy with the route they took.
So yeah. I want to try to breast feed. And maybe I can do it for a week, or a month, or a year! Who knows. I will certainly give it a shot, and hope for the best.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
We went to Sears, found the ones we wanted, paid, and scheduled delivery for Monday. They were supposed to call on Sunday night to confirm delivery time. They didn't, but I called the 1-800 number in the morning, and there was an automated message that indicated that I would take delivery between 4:45 - 6:45. This was somewhat annoying, because I had a meeting until 4, and needed to get groceries and wanted to go to the gym, but I was more excited about the new, fancy, front loading, washer and dryer.
At 7:45 PM, I call Sears. They promise that although things are running late, I should at least get a call within the hour. At 8:30, finally get a call that they are running SO late, could they put me first on the list for the next morning. Whatever. Annoying (as the grocery store is now closed) and I wasn't planning on working from home today, but fine.
This morning? Never got a phone call on the morning delivery. At 10:45 I call the number, and I'm told they will call me in 2 hours. at 1:15, I'm ripshit, and call again. They now tell me that I have no delivery scheduled for today - can they move it to Thursday!?! AUGH! So I call Aaron (who I was trying not to bother, as he is out of town on business), who calls. He is first told that I rescheduled the delivery (bullshit) and then is told that the freaking washer/dryer is out of stock. WHAT THE FREAK?
At this point, we are considering canceling the order. But I left the house to go get milk (which we are in desperate need of) and I get home. While talking to Aaron on the phone, I drop the whole gallon of milk in the garage. It broke. There is milk all over the garage floor. I started crying. I'm just SO ANNOYED. I can't believe that something as easy as getting a washer/dryer could be this difficult - and that I couldn't just handle it myself! And then, the freaking people lie to Aaron about what I said!?!?
And then I drop the milk. Tops off a perfect day.
I need a drink.
UNBELIEVABLE! As I started to spell check this, the Sears delivery truck pulled up. And then the phone rang, it was Aaron telling me he canceled the order. Hmmm. I'm just going to sit here and let them install them. What a fracked up situation.
Monday, August 18, 2008
We talked a bit about childbirth classes - and I told him how I was having a doula, and how she thought that practicing breathing and positions was kind of silly, considering you don't really have any idea what is going to work for you until you are IN labor... and he totally agreed. And he put her name in the file so that they would know that she would be there.
Besides all that? I have another month until my next appointment, at which I'll be doing the 1 hour glucose test (blech) and I'll be officially in the 3rd trimester (eek!).
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Tomorrow I go in for my 24 week OB appointment. This is the first one I'm totally not nervous about -the little one is kicking me as I type this...
Friday, August 15, 2008
The store had it in a dark (almost black) color - but we ordered it in the white. It's pretty simple - but very sturdy (big sell for Aaron). I also got a matching 'dressing station'. Of course - once you really start looking at cribs you realize that my goal of not too much $$$ got shot out the window. Sigh.
The good news is that we did go today - turns out these things take 10 - 12 weeks for delivery. Damn. That puts it in our house end of October at the earliest!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
About 2 years ago, we renovated 2 bedrooms upstairs. One was the guest room, and the other was the future baby room. The big ticket items were putting in hardwood floors and painting. We didn't really do anything to make it a 'baby' room per se - I even painted it off white - as my expectation is that any baby I have can pick the paint color when they are old enough to care about such things.
But then I saw this fabric at a quilt store, and fell in love:
It's cute and bright (criteria for me for a baby room) and unisex (also a big consideration). I brought yards and yards and my mother and I eventually made curtains.
We also had a dresser from Aaron's childhood sitting in this room. It was painted yellow. One day - the bug bit me, and I decided to sand it down and paint it bright blue to match the curtains. And then began an obsessive search for cute 'jungle' drawer pulls that would match the curtains (and succeeded in finding them, of course)
OK - you can't really see the drawer pulls - but you can see the random CRAP (a rooster? WTF?) that my MIL thought was funny to leave here one visit. That airplane was over my bed when I was a kid - and the needlepoint alphabet was in Aaron's nursery.
I've got a bunch of clothes in there for Goodwill, all our suitcases and our old dining room table live in the closet! And in the middle of the room is the Amby Baby bed - which will most likely live in our bedroom at least for a while. But obviously a bit of a purge of crap is in order.... but there shouldn't be any huge re-work to get the room ready.
All we need to buy is a crib and a changing table. I'm thinking maybe a rug... but the one we have is off-white and in fine condition. I've already got a white glider from a friend. So - in order to match with the stuff going on - we've finally decided to just go out and buy the white crib/changing table we find that we like. We've had a lot of offers for friends to give us their old stuff - but Aaron thinks I should get to pick out what I want. And I don't want anything super fancy (like certainly NOT a $1000 Pottery Barn one!). And Aaron doesn't want one that is convertible (which tend to be more expensive) - he totally has in his mind that when the baby moves to a toddler bed - he'll get a race car bed or something. And I remind him that it could be a girl... who may not WANT a race car bed, lol.
Anyway - I'm really excited to go looking!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I'm pregnant! Hurrah!
I'm not throwing up! Hurrah!
I can feel the baby move! Hurrah!
Nothing hurts! Hurrah!
The nothing hurts comment comes from the fact that pretty much, for the past week or so, something has hurt. First it was my belly, and then my lower back AND my belly hurt. I couldn't even sleep on Friday night. It sucked. By Sunday, I was feeling better - and all day yesterday, nothing, not even my belly (!) hurt. It was awesome.
I'm so nervous that I'm going to turn into one of those pregnant ladies that is always miserable - and I really don't want that! I want to enjoy this time! Hopefully the back pain was just a fluke...
Friday, August 8, 2008
Of course, we celebrated last night by going to his favorite restaurant, and he had two beers. After which he was tipsy (which is always fun with Aaron) and we went in search of an iPhone for him. I already have one - and with his current job, has a blackberry - and is one call 24X7. This new job - not a requirement. So he wants to get a whole new phone and ditch that old number - and of COURSE wants the awesome new iPhone. He deserves it. We couldn't find it last night... but I'm sure he'll have one by the end of the weekend.
I also had good news this week. My boss was in town, and thankfully the re-org appears to be going in a way that will be perfect for me. In my mind, I could see no other way for it to go, but the guy on the team we got in the re-org was SO sure he was going to be my new 'boss'. And I talked to a few managers who were involved in the decision, and they would say things like 'We want to make them comfortable with the change'. And I was like - what about making the people who've worked with you for 5 years comfortable!? Geez. So that was a little touch and go for a while - but it all worked out in the end.
My yoga class last night was good - I think I'll go again. I've definitely lost a lot of flexibility since I was going to Bikram, and I had a lot of trouble breathing in child's pose. Wow. The belly is an interesting obstacle when getting into certain positions. But - I'd had a really stressful day, and it was a nice way to wind down.
Hurrah for a new job! Hurrah for the weekend!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
1. My first stretch marks have arrived. I guess that means that the baby is growing, and I'm not super upset about it. I'm really fair - so I knew this was coming. I hope that it doesn't get too ugly by week 40!
2. I'm going to give prenatal yoga a try tomorrow night - I'm excited for it. I love yoga, and haven't done it in a bit.
3. I woke up this morning at 4 am STARVING. I'm guessing another indication that the baby is growing? Aaron was also awake, he had a headache. He went downstairs and got me one of those sausage and pancakes on a stick. I fell right back to sleep.
4. I have found out that I am the goddess of shopping. On two different shopping trips, I've gotten the most amazing deals. Aaron and I needed a new duvet (our old one ripped). I am a quilter, and am in the process of making a really nice quilt for our bed - but we still need a duvet for warmth. But it won't show - so can just be plain. I spent a good 20 minutes trying to decide how much I was willing to pay for this thing.... and finally, painfully, decided to get the $150 one (not the cheapest, not the most expensive). I went to pay... and noticed the price tag on it said $99.99! Even though it rang up at $150, they had to give me the $99.99 price. I saved $50!!!!!! Woot.
Fast forward 2 days. Lord Henry, as I like to call our younger dog, likes to get up in bed in the morning. Oftentimes, he is dirty/slobbery and will get the duvet dirty, which then involves me jamming a king sized comforter into my not so high capacity washing machine. I was complaining to my friend, and she said I should just get a duvet cover (duh). I go back to the same store. At first, the only covers I find were $100. Way more than I wanted to spend. After much searching, I find one that is $30. that seemed reasonable. I go to checkout. It rang up for $15!!!!!!
Is it wrong that I am SO happy about this?!?
5. I'm also super happy about the current state of my peach tree. In about a day - I'm going to have a ridiculous amount of peaches, ready to be picked. I'm planning on making LOADS of peach items - jam, cobbler, crisp - and then canning/freezing them to enjoy in the winter, when peaches suck. Hurrah!
OK - guess that's it for now.... I'm so happy only 2 more work days this week!
Monday, August 4, 2008
The other cool thing to watch was the 4 day old was crying a lot - the mother thought that she had acid reflux. Nina took her and swaddled her in this huge (47" by 47") piece of muslin, rather tightly I may add... and the baby went from crying hysterically to just laying there like a happy baby burrito. It was like baby magic. Pretty much makes you want to believe everything Nina says!
After her store cleared out, she took us into her office and went through different powerpoints, showing us the different parts of the birthing process. Not really anything I didn't know - but it it was great to have someone to talk it over with, and for Aaron to see it. She didn't walk me through birthing positions or breathing - because she says you'll only know what will work for you on the day... and I think that is a great approach. We also did some hypobirthing, and I have some tapes to listen to. The one thing she did coach me on is how to sit after 34 weeks to work on positioning the baby properly for birth, and also told me to do the yoga pose child's pose each evening for 20 minutes to help with positioning.
I'm really excited that she is going to be my doula - I'm just so comfortable with her, and Aaron is too. I have a few more follow-ups with my OB to see about procedures in the hospital - but I feel really excited about my birth choices!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
The doctors office even called ahead, which was nice - they were expecting me at the ER. Everyone was nice and friendly... and it wasn't busy. All good things. The doc who saw me was positive there was nothing wrong baby-wise, but were going to listen for the heartbeat anyway. Their doppler SUCKED and the first nurse that tried couldn't find it. I wasn't THAT nervous as I had felt movement as I was sitting there... but still.
After ruling out a bowel obstruction (and the yucky yucky solution to that issue), the one thing left was possible gallstones - so I had to get an ultrasound. Now - the u/s tech told me that she couldn't legally sneak a look at the baby - but by the end of the exam, I had used my considerable charm, and lookie what I got:
So - sure, it sucked to have to go to the ER. But getting to see my baby on 3d? So cool!
The final verdict was acid reflux, which I've never had before. I'm on Zantac, and feeling a lot better (thank god).
Friday, August 1, 2008
I'm having a new problem. I went out for sushi on Weds night - and all I ate was cooked sushi - so don't start the lectures. But anyway. I'm been having pain in my upper stomach (or maybe it's just my stomach, because it's pushed out of the way?) since. I've taken Tums and Gas-x (although not sure that gas-x is ok, so I only took it once). I don't think it's any more than gas - but I'm really uncomfortable! I called my nurse - to see if it's normal and if she can offer up any advice. I hope this isn't the one pregnancy thing I get - because having your stomach hurt this much sucks!
And, although I keep saying I'm sure it's only gas.... then I start to worry it's more. Good times.
Baby items have been entering the house. Aaron installed a really cool baby gate (we need it for the DOGS but whatever). It's at the bottom of the stairs and when it is open - it's totally out of the way. The dogs are sad, because they want to spend the whole day on either the guest room bed, or chewing yarn in my yarn room. Which upsets me, obviously. My Amby Baby bed arrived, and Aaron put it together - at it looks AWESOME. I'll post pictures when we move it into the nursery - but I think the baby will love it. And finally, I succumbed to this. It's a super cute lion rocking horse. I honestly only bought it for the cuteness factor, but when it got here, I find it has neat features like it makes fun sounds, has crinkly thing in the mane, a squeaky ear.... much more than I expected! Hurrah!
Tomorrow, I'm going with Aaron to start my natural childbirth 'classes'. I say 'classes' because we are just meeting with my doula buddy. I'm going to push her to be sure she will actually BE my doula - but the uncertainty is also a bit stressful... but not such a big deal that I can't handle it!