Sunday, August 31, 2008

The things people say...

So - have I mentioned yet that pretty much anyone that doesn't know that I'm pregnant, when they find out say 'Wow! You don't look pregnant at all!"? I happen to think I look rather pregnant - and get kind of offended when people say it. The look I hope I'm giving off is 'cute baby bump' not 'unfortunate pot bellied woman'.

I've talked about this with my friends, and they say that it's kind of like when someone says you don't look fat - you may LOOK fat, - but they know it's not what you want to here. People assume that you don't WANT to look pregnant, so they exclaim that you don't. Sigh.

But Saturday morning - I popped up awake at 6 AM, and Aaron and I decided to go to the breakfast hot spot in our town. We only go if we are up and running early, as we hate waiting. We go there a lot, and the owner knows us pretty well. Well enough to know we are pregnant - and well enough that we'd mentioned we were trying for a pretty long time. Anyway - he sees me walking to the door, and yells out - "I thought you were supposed to be pregnant! You don't look pregnant!" At first, I just didn't know what to say. I'm hoping it was the whole theory that I was talking about above - that I DO look pregnant, but he thinks I want to hear that I'm small (or whatever). But isn't that kind of a shocking thing to say to someone? I'm only 26 weeks - what if I WASN'T pregnant anymore. How horrible would that have been to have someone say something like that. Jesus.

Or - maybe I'm just hypersensitive because of our past. I laughed it off chalked it up to him being an ass.

13 comments:

bleu said...

I want to say you can very much look pregnant or not depending on how you dress. Spend any time looking at pregnant celebrity pics and you will see one day they look 6 months pregnant and the next week they hardly are showing.

I chose to look very pregnant with Bliss early on, I wore pants and skirts pulled down below my belly and tops that did not fully cover it. I looked pregnant from about 15 weeks on.

By 5 months however I was huge and looked about 7 months, so many people thought I looked 9 months and I would get tons of "Whoa you are about ready to pop" comments from strangers constantly.

I really think you get annoying comments no matter what you do. The one benefit of always showing my bare belly through the entire pregnancy though, people were not as forward with the belly touches as with other friends. I really think they were more hesitant because it was bare flesh and I loved that. I hated stranger touching my belly without permission.
I hated more when they would try to touch my sleeping newborn without permission.

Jen said...

Yeah, people are going to say stupid stuff no matter what. Blech.

Geohde said...

People should just not comment on size- there's always the polite 'you look great!' or 'you're carrying well'.

I used to get annoyed at being called big AND small in the same day. ANd I measured absolutely huge because of the twin thing.

J

Sugar and Ice said...

I was very sensitive with these kind of comments when I was pregnant with my first as well. I'm pretty tall, so my belly wasn't terribly gigantic, but I did look pregnant, and the comments about how I didn't look as far along as I actually was got to me after a while. Just try to ignore it. I saw the picture of you and your sister in law...you do look pregnant :).

Deborah said...

It's amazing how people just can't resist the insensitive comments, whether it;s "you don't look pregnant" or "you look like you're going to pop". Pregnancy seems to bring out the worst of butting into other people's business. I agree with sugar and ice - in the last pic you looked pregnant to me! But even if you didn't, I wouldn't say anything. :)

Jen said...

I think I know how you feel. As somebody who has always struggled with my weight, saying that I don't look pregnant when I can see a bump implies that a big stomach on my chunky body looks normal. Of course, I find this insulting. Strangely, I'd much rather get the "you're looking huge" comments. *Sigh*

Plus, I feel like it's taken me so long to get this baby bump that I want it to be noticed darn it!

Brandy said...

People still say weird things like that to me!! I mean, I think part of it really is the "trying to be nice" thing but I don't get it. I know I look VERY pregnant right now and considering I'm a week away from my due date I don't understand people that say things like "wow, you don't look nearly that far along" or "you only look 6-7 months pregnant". It's just odd to me.

I will say that it doesn't help that my husband works with a woman that is due 3 days after me and her stomach is HUGE compared to mine. That does cloud his thinking a little but I still don't get other people commenting. Good luck dealing with it the next few months!

Cathy-Cate said...

Well, with your first, people tell you you look small, or you don't look pregnant (those strong ab muscles hold you in; plus for you, you're so tall, Cece, that it hides baby better!); then with your second, people tell you how big you are and how big the baby's going to be. Either way, it drives you nuts. (Fortunately, given what I do, those comments were at a minimum, though I still got them.)

My theory is that when your belly is bigger than your boobs, suddenly everyone figures out you're pregnant! And they declare you've 'popped'. I'm not so much up top, so I think it happened about 28 weeks, I started to look noticeably pregnant. Before then, I could hide it if I tried (I did dress to minimize it at work).

La La said...

Hmmm. Can you post a pic so we can all give our professional opinions? ;)

I'm sure that you do look pregnant. Its most likely as the previous poster said - it depends a lot on how you dress. I get that a lot myself (people say I look small when I wear black, etc).

Ann said...

About a month after we lost Zach at 20 weeks, there was a girl I barely knew at my place of work's gym who came up to me and said, "When are you going to start showing already?" She didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed when I explained the situation to her.

That said, I do get quite offended when people tell me I look bigger than I'm supposed to look. Just the other day, an older lady (a volunteer at the hospital where I work) said I look bigger than 8 months. She even had the nerve to suggest that perhaps I'm carrying twins and I don't know it. It amazes me, the things people say. And I've noticed that everyone has a different opinion as to how big you "should" be looking.

Chelle said...

I always wonder if people think I'm just fat too. Although this weekend a stranger at a party asked if I had any other kids other than the obvious one baking. That made me feel good. lol

I think people say you don't look pg because they think it is some kind of strange compliment. I'm sure they mean it like you are still on the small side, but like you, I don't think it is a compliment either. Especially when YOU see how big your belly is! I want to hear that I look like I'm expecting before I'm 9 months too. lol

Kenya said...

It's all in the shirt but you can't away from comments.

Anonymous said...

I am 5 months pregnant and you cant tell by the looks of me. I was blessed with big hips and small waist. I thought I something was wrong with my baby because I was'nt popped out like other pregnant women I know. After reading some of the comments I feel that "child bearing hips" is what I have.