Monday, March 31, 2008

Day 17.

Well. I made it. I'm on day 17 of the 18 day wait. There has been no spotting (last cycle I had very heavy spotting starting on day 16.). My nipples continue to be dark. I feel stretching in my lower abdomen. I was ridiculously tired yesterday. I've been visualizing what the nurse will say what she calls. I have yet to be tempted by the pee sticks.

Shit shit shit shit shit. I'm pretty god damn nervous about tomorrow. I'm feeling really positive. I'm pretty nervous that if things don't happen as expected, I'm going to be totally crushed. But, I think I have little Rational Cece in the back of my mind reminding me that it won't be the end of the world if this cycle didn't work out.

This weekend was perfect. We played cards, we knit, we did a bunch of sewing. Everyone loved the cabin, we laughed a lot and all the food that prepared was a hit! On the way home, Aaron and I spent some time with his father - and we watched 8 Below (that movie about the dogs who survive months in Antarctica all by themselves?). I cried the whole way though. I'm such a sucker for dog movies like that.

Tomorrow morning I go in for my blood work, and I think I should hear by early afternoon. I have completed knitting my lucky socks, I have the lucky penny I found the day of my embryo transfer in my shoe, and I will have little Z with me. Let's pray for a good April Fool's day, shall we?

Friday, March 28, 2008


So last night, I went to the Gathering Kitchen to put together meals for the next month. I've gushed about this place before - go here for more info.

Anyway. I go with a girlfriend on my street, and we gossip and such while we make our way around the stations putting together meals. This particular session had 3 visibly pregnant women there. Two were just going about their business, and the third was loudly talking about her last ultrasound, and all the plans she had for when the baby came in ten weeks. I quietly moved away. I told my friend that she was bothering me - and she said she had wondered if I heard her. I wish it didn't bother me, but it did.

I'm going to admit to feeling crampy the last few days. I don't get crampy before AF comes.... so I'm hoping it's a good sign. I feel really good. I feel positive. I just wish there was a way to know the day they transfer if this whole thing was going to work or not! Not like I have to tell all you this, but waiting 18 days for a blood test is a special kind of torture, on top of everything else!

4 hours and I'm with my girlfriends, and in my mother's hands for the PIO shots. That is going to be interesting!!! Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Sometimes, I'm smart.

I am going to my family's cabin in the Berkshires this weekend with 4 of my girlfriends. We met while taking a beginning quilting class 4 year ago. It was funny how we all just clicked, and have been getting together every 2 weeks to continue quilting. When I get together with the girls, that is pretty much the only time I do sew, truth be told.

Anyway - we had first planned on going the weekend of March 15th. I changed the date when I figured that my ER and ET would be around that date (and I was right on). So, we moved to this weekend. When I start to get close to obsessing on the pregnancy front, I move back to thinking about what we need to bring for the weekend. Planning the grocery list. Planning the projects I'm going to work on. It's a wonderful distraction.

I'm so smart.

Then, after I get home from the weekend, I'll only have 2 more sleeps to totally freak out.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

It's the little things

Things are much different this cycle. I had less eggs, but more embryos. We even froze 3! If you were to ask me how confidant I was that this cycle worked - I think I would be at 75% right now. Last cycle, I would have run to the computer and google my odds based on my situation. This cycle, I'm pretty busy - hanging out with friends and doing things. Last time, I would get home from work, and sit and knit and wait until it was time for my shot at 9 PM. If I went out, I was sure to be home 9. Or I would just not go. I totally focused my life around the cycle. I didn't fit the cycle into my life.

I think the biggest help in all of this is the promise to Aaron that I wouldn't be obsessive with the googling/ I actually only googled ONCE this cycle (to find out more about Menapor) and haven't clicked over the once. I have been blogging, but to me, you guys are more Cheerleaders than Obsession Buddies. When I mentioned no pee sticks for me? You all just said - wow - I can't believe you can wait. When I talked about not using an HPT on last cycle - people were all over me, telling me to test, and when I mentioned that I promised Aaron I wouldn't - there were like "Just test and don't tell him!" WTF.

But, the one little thing that I've been noticing, this cycle I'm picturing funny things in my mind. Like how big my baby would be. Aaron and I are big people - would our newborn be small enough to fit in the palm of Aaron's hand? And I've been thinking, that with our new bedroom furniture, where would the bassinet fit? And then chuckling to myself that I could always stow the baby in the big drawers under the bed (joking!). Or how big I will be in the summer when I've committed to teaching some craft classes?

Hm. Time with tell. 6 sleeps until my BPT. I can't think now about how I will react if it's negative. I think I'll be OK. I know I can handle doing this all again, I just don't want to.

Monday, March 24, 2008

This made me laugh

I'm in the office for the first time in a week (my boss let me work from home all last week - which was very nice of him). Anyway, I grabbed my purse to get some hand lotion. As I was pulling out the lotion, I saw this:

I noticed that the used needle from my PIO shot was still in there. We went over to friends house on Thursday, and I brought my shot with me so we wouldn't have to cut the night short. I looked at it a little longer, and I starting laughing. My 'Angry Little Girl' purse, and then this huge ass needle in it! Too funny.

Trying desperately NOT to symptom obsess. It still have the same boob symptoms...and on Sunday, was were driving to Home Depot, and I got pretty car sick. Of course, we were in the truck, so that could just also be the jerky way that the truck drives. I have started eating Total for breakfast... since that was one of the big things my nurse pushed when I was pregnant.

7 more sleeps until my BPT.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Boob Obsession

Ah.... the goggle hits I'll get for that title.

I'm 8 DPO (or is it 7? Last Friday? I'm bad with that stuff), and my nipples are definitely darker and my boobs are sore. This all happened last cycle - so I have a nagging feeling that is what happens to my body when I'm on injectable progesterone. I'm still feeling really positive, but the nerves are creeping in. Did this cycle work? What will I do if it didn't? And then I go back to my gut feeling that it did. I know that everything went awesome this cycle so far. Did I mention to you all that on Tuesday I got a call from my nurse? They were actually able to freeze 3 embryos, not just 2. So - I've got some great quality embryo's in there.

I've also done everything according to my docs - all my shots on time, took the 2 days for bed rest, and even worked from home all week. Now I just have to make it though the next 12 days until my BPT. And, you can bet after the whole drama I went through last time (negative HPT, 4 hours of crying, positive BPT of 37) I won't be touching the pee sticks.


Thursday, March 20, 2008

High on Hope

I'm am SO sure this cycle has worked. SO SURE.

I have no idea where all this hope came from, but here we are. Really, not what I expected, considering the stim part of the cycle was so 'meh'. But now, I'm really really sure that I'm pregnant. With twins.

In the back of my mind, I'm a little worried about the potential for big disappointment. But then, I won't let myself think about it... because I'm just SO SURE.

Thank god I have an appointment with my shrink on the 28th!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


You gals are all so awesome, thanks for all the nice comments on yesterday's transfer. Things went really great - and I feel so good to know that I even had 2 embryos to freeze! Sure - they may not have retrieved as many eggs as last time- but all in all - a much more successful outcome! I think I lot of it had to do with the length of my stims. Last time I was stimming for 15 days, this time, only 10.

Everyone was so great through both the retrieval and transfer - I even got to have my own doc do the transfer - which was nice. Now we wait. Exactly 2 weeks from today is the BPT. I'm not scared or nervous.... just feeling really positive (let's see how long this lasts! Shall we start a pool?). I just have this feeling that everything is going to work this time. And if it doesn't? I'll survive. I scheduled myself for a trip to meet up with some friends on April 13th for a week. On Orcas Island off the coast of Washington state. If everything goes well, they'll all celebrate with me - if this cycle goes tits up - these woman know how to drink!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Luck o' the Irish?

For a Swedish gal and a German guy? I certainly hope so! They transferred two back in this morning, and I even have two that are good for freezing! Hurrah! Want to see the little ones?

And, if you can believe it, my blood pregnancy test is on April 1st... when I heard that, I realized that was Aprils Fools day. Of course that is when my pregnancy test is scheduled for - would I expect any different?! Ha!

Of to my 2 days of bed rest (aka knitting and watching TV).

Saturday, March 15, 2008

And the fert report is in

7!!! That is only 1 less than last time, and last time they retrieved 4 more eggs!

I think my less is more, and quality over quantity theory is playing out. Now - keep on growing little guys!

Friday, March 14, 2008

9 Retrieved!

Well - I was thinking at least 11 (considering that is how many follies I had) but I think 9 good ones is better than 13 duds. I'll find out tomorrow how many fertilized - keep you fingers crossed for me!

Thanks for all the good thoughts!

Thursday, March 13, 2008


It's how I feel. I don't feel really excited. Or scared. Or worried. Maybe that will change when I know how many eggs are retrieved, or how many fertilize. But for now? It only crosses my mind every once in a while that I'm going through IVF.... which is weird.

I am really happy with the timing.... I've got to admit. Aaron had two really important meetings for work, which he would of course have missed if he had to, but one was today, and the other is Tuesday. And! My MIL is arriving Friday night, and leaving on Sunday for a quick visit. I was really worried about having to explain that we couldn't hang out because I was going through IVF... and then have to deal with the aftermath that would come from not telling her to begin with. And I totally don't want to tell her anything this time. The fact that the ER is Friday and the ET is probably Monday is such a good thing, I don't even have to tell you.

Last night, I made the perfect meal - 3 different kinds of blue cheese, 2 different Bries, some cappocola, black chantarell mushrooms and 2 beers. My body has been given the proper send off! I can't promise that I won't eat ANY blue and/or soft cheeses for the next 9 months, but at least I totally binged on it last night.
OK - off to the gym for one last swim (my doc tells you not to swim for a week after ER). I'll report back on the number of eggs we get tomorrow!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Triggering tonight!

Well! That wasn't really what I expected, but I'm happy! My E2 was 859, and I have 5 measurable follies on the right, and another 6 on the left - 2 more than last cycle! So, retrieval is Friday morning, and assume that ET is on Monday.

The funny thing is that Aaron is going away on business tonight. So, his friend Darrin (who is living with us) is going to give the shot to me tonight. He is all excited. He says when I get pregnant, he'll get to say that he poked me. Freak.

OK.... so I am excited, but it's kind of reserved excitement. I've kind of been distracted from the whole IVF thing with the living room renovation going on. To be a few days away from transfer feels a little surreal! I will say that I can really feel my ovaries, which is a little strange - I didn't have that last time - maybe a good sign? I'm trying not to get my hopes up super high, which is some what hard for me.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Rising nicely.

E2 on Saturday was 151, today it was 479. I haven't a clue on the follie count, because somehow, my doc can't see the results from my u/s in the system. Grrr. But - no more changes in my meds, as my doc said everything was 'rising nicely'. I go back in again on Wed. So that is all good.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, and last night, I feel asleep with no problem, but then proceeded to have a horrible nightmare in which my dogs were being really bad. In order to discipline them, someone took them away, and showed them bit of cut up dogs to make them scared. It was freaking horrible. I was really scared. I would wake up, lay there for a bit, and hope that the bad dream would stop... and when I fell asleep, the same dream would start right up again from where I woke up.

Gah. Needless to say, I'm pretty tired today. Can't wait for the workday to end so I can go home and veg out. I have a beef brisket in the crock pot, so dinner is a nice no brainer.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

We made fire. Finally.

Before I get to the fire story, I'll say that I went for my first bloodwork, and my E2 was 151. Much better than last cycle (98) but if I remember correctly, they wanted to see it at 300 by that point. I'm not worried, but they did up my follistim. The extra 75 units really ups the sting factor, let me tell you! I go in on Monday morning for my first follie check and more bloodwork.

Anyway, the more interesting news is that the living room remodel is really moving along. Aaron and his father spent the weekend putting up the rest of the walls, so now we are totally ready for the plaster guy to come tomorrow. But more exciting for me? Our fireplace is finally functional! When we bought this house, we were told that the fireplace needed a new liner - to the tune of about $2500. For whatever reason, the previous owners had also put a wood stove INTO the fireplace, which looked strange. To top it all off? They had mounted a mantle that was too close to the firebox, and therefore was not to code. Awesome. Especially when one of my favorite things is to sit in front of a nice, crackling fire. You know what - I actually have a picture:

You like that brown shag rug? It was the very first thing we ripped out when we moved in. But we did find someone to look at the chimney, and fixing it was maybe half the cost of what we were told before. We hadn't lit a fire because we didn't have a screen or anything to be able to have a fire (and the room was filled with construction stuff). But yesterday, we went and picked out the screen for the front, and I just went with something plain. But I think it looks great.
The guys mounted it flush to the fireplace, and there are doors that stay closed with a very strong magnet. I'm hoping this is more 'child safe' version then the standard screens that just sit in front of the fireplace.

I've got a big birthday party planned for Aaron (he turns 35 on April 13th) and I used to be nervous that we'd have to have it at someone else's house. I actually think we are going to have a brand new living room to party in!

Friday, March 7, 2008


Well, last night, we decided on a new bedroom set! I love it!

I actually was pretty sure I was going to pick a totally different set, but when we got to the store, it just wasn't as functional as the one we picked. My new bed has these great underbed drawers, and just looks really great. I also really forced Aaron to say which one he liked the best - and this was his first choice too. We even upgraded from a queen bed to a king! Now I just have to wait until next Friday for it to be delivered! And go out and buy new linens...

It'll be pretty nice to come home from a hard day at work, all pregnant, and lay down on my super nice new bed. That was my hard sell to Aaron - 'do you really want to be sharing a queen sized bed with a woman who is pregnant with twins?!' Because we all know that is what is happening this cycle. Ha!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


I'm on day 2 to stims. Or maybe 3? I started the Follistim on Monday night. So I guess that's day 3. Forcing myself to be able to give shots was probably the best decision I've had. I don't feel so trapped in that I NEED to be home by 9 PM or more importantly, that Aaron has to be here. The tiny little needles for all these stims shots are no big deal. I'm a pro now! And it's already paying off - I was planning on hanging out at a friends house tonight, and I'll just bring my shot with me, and give it to myself. No need to cut the night short.

Really, nothing to report on the IVF front until Saturday, when I go in for my first blood work. Hopefully things are higher than last cycle - remember my freak out when my estroidal was only at 98? Good times.

And yes - that whole paper work thing is the most annoying thing ever. One of the woman in my office is also going through IVF, but at a different clinic, and she said she never has to worry about paperwork. It is SO annoying. I'm over it for now, and have already put my whole file into the car, so this doesn't happen again.

The big excitement here is that the living room renovation is really going along great. We have a ceiling back up - with recessed lighting that looks awesome. This weekend the rest of the walls will go up, and then we'll get some plasterwork done. After that - just a few more weeks of work - painting, finishing work, and the hardwood floor!

In looking for the few new pieces we'll need to furnish the living room, I've convinced Aaron that we should finally get 'real' bedroom furniture. We've been using the same crappy headboard I bought in the early '90s for $90, and his parent's old (from the 70s, and trust me, it shows) bedroom set. I'm ridiculously excited. I've got two different ones that I like for different reasons, so I'm dragging Aaron with me to look at them tomorrow night. Hurrah!

Monday, March 3, 2008


This morning, I woke up nice and early to go for my baseline crap. Aaron is away on business, so I had to do more than usual. I should have taken note that this day wasn't going to go well, when on my way to the bathroom I found dog throw up (you'd think he'd learn not to actually CONSUME the tennis ball). I then went downstairs, gave myself my shot, gave the other dog ear drops for her ear infection, got everything settled, and out the door in plenty of time. I was even thinking about stopping for breakfast first.

I get to the ultrasound office, and realize I forgot my stupid paperwork. My clinic doesn't keep everything on the computer. Every single time you go in for an ultrasound, you have to have this stupid piece of paper. If you don't they won't take you. I've never forgotten it before - and I was PISSED. It's a one hour drive for me to go into the clinic, and I was really upset. I stormed out. I then realized that I could drive another 15 minutes all of the way into Boston, and just go to my doctors office, and have her give me my paperwork, and I could get my monitoring done there. Added about and hour and a half to my day, and I have to pay $7 for parking. But whatever. It's done.

I did take Z with me -

He told me to relax - that is this may be a good sign.... having the crappy stuff happen at the beginning of the cycle instead of the end. We shall see.