Tuesday, March 25, 2008

It's the little things

Things are much different this cycle. I had less eggs, but more embryos. We even froze 3! If you were to ask me how confidant I was that this cycle worked - I think I would be at 75% right now. Last cycle, I would have run to the computer and google my odds based on my situation. This cycle, I'm pretty busy - hanging out with friends and doing things. Last time, I would get home from work, and sit and knit and wait until it was time for my shot at 9 PM. If I went out, I was sure to be home 9. Or I would just not go. I totally focused my life around the cycle. I didn't fit the cycle into my life.

I think the biggest help in all of this is the promise to Aaron that I wouldn't be obsessive with the googling/preg.org. I actually only googled ONCE this cycle (to find out more about Menapor) and haven't clicked over the preg.org once. I have been blogging, but to me, you guys are more Cheerleaders than Obsession Buddies. When I mentioned no pee sticks for me? You all just said - wow - I can't believe you can wait. When I talked about not using an HPT on preg.org last cycle - people were all over me, telling me to test, and when I mentioned that I promised Aaron I wouldn't - there were like "Just test and don't tell him!" WTF.

But, the one little thing that I've been noticing, this cycle I'm picturing funny things in my mind. Like how big my baby would be. Aaron and I are big people - would our newborn be small enough to fit in the palm of Aaron's hand? And I've been thinking, that with our new bedroom furniture, where would the bassinet fit? And then chuckling to myself that I could always stow the baby in the big drawers under the bed (joking!). Or how big I will be in the summer when I've committed to teaching some craft classes?

Hm. Time with tell. 6 sleeps until my BPT. I can't think now about how I will react if it's negative. I think I'll be OK. I know I can handle doing this all again, I just don't want to.

4 comments:

Ahuva Batya said...

That's a great attitude to have, and I'm going to take lessons from you. You sound in a very healthy, balanced place. I'm sure that will help the successful outcome of this cycle for you!

amysue said...

As I've confessed, I was a big fan of supporting the makers of EPTs, but allthese years later I now know that I wouldn't have been any more or less pregnant if i had waited until the bpt and I probably would have been a little saner. That said, if you did break down and test there's no need to beat yourself up.

Hang in there and sorry I was busy walking when you called the other day!

Geohde said...

I hope you're right and it works, my fingers are crossed

J

Lucia said...

I know someone who slept in a bureau drawer after being hastily evacuated during a wildfire. (She was very small at the time, of course.)

I wish you were coming to spinning tonight! But I can just look at that picture I took of you holding the WB and think good thoughts.