Fireplace Excitement

I know I have been sharing pictures of the work that Aaron and his father have been doing on the house... but I don't think I've really explained the end goal. We currently are using the 'den' as our office. Aaron works from home 2 days a week, and I work from home once a week - so we really need a good place to work. But, this room is also the only room in the house with a fireplace. Directly adjacent to our current office is the room we are re-doing... turning a 3 season porch into a 'real' room. This new 'real' room will be the office, and the old office will now be a den/family room.

The den isn't a big room, but my initial excitement with this remodeling project comes from the fact I was envisioning myself sitting on a cold, wintery day and enjoying the crackle of a fire. But this fireplace was a hotly debated issue, as when we bought the house, we were told that we needed a new liner in the chimney. Since we never really tried to light a fire (hot rooms + several high end computers = big techie geek no-no), we didn't ever explore that option. But, now that the new office room is getting dangerously close to completion - I brought it up again. The initial quote from the guys was $2500 to fix it. We have spent so much on the room already, and still need to get new furniture, I had pretty much resolved myself to not having the fireplace this winter.

This morning, we had the fireplace guy come in and take a look.... and guess what! It's not as big a deal as we thought! We can have a working fireplace for a fraction of what we thought. I'm ridiculously excited about it.

In cycling news, my Managed Care lady called me this morning - she has submitted my paperwork! She talked to the guy that will be reviewing my case, and he is going to put a 'rush' on it. omg omg omg omg omg omg.

Decision to not obsess

Due to certain signs that we all know so well, I'm pretty sure I'm either ovulating or damn close. The part that we can control? Taken care of for this month. Will my ovaries and tubes cooperate? That is yet to be seen. Based on historical evidence, I'm going to guess it's a no, but as usual, hope is in the house... so for the next 2 weeks I'll be obsessively checking for signs.

Ever since New Doc mentioned that she was having the insurance coordinator submit for this month...I've started to somewhat stalk her. I called once, and listened to her message which indicated she was on vacation until Sept 10th. It said if it was an urgent IVF matter, I could call her colleague. I huge up, thinking to myself that it wasn't really 'urgent'. A few days past. I now had managed to convince myself that it is urgent, as the last time I has talk to her, she still didn't have Aaron's SA in my file. I should just call her colleague to see if they got that.

So I called. And she was really nice, but wasn't familiar with my case (what the heck did I expect!?!?!?). But looked into things, and gave me a new fax number I could have them resend the SA info to - just in case. Which I did. And then I was tempted to call to see if she got it. Which I thankfully didn't.

This morning, I picked up the phone to call my 'real' insurance coordinator (you know, since it's her first day back into the office, and I'm sure she won't be too busy, asshole that I am). I left her a voicemail telling her that I was trying not to be a stalker - but I wanted to double check that she had everything she needed to submit for IVF.

After I got off the phone, I realized that I'm being a bit of a freak, and am now making the conscious decision that I can't keep obsessing about this stuff! I was at peace only a week ago to wait until Dec for IVF. And now that I have this little sliver of hope that is will be sooner, I start twisting myself up in knots waiting to hear if it will be?

Must. Stop. Obsessing.

Fancy Gym

I know I've talked about it a little bit, but I've joined a 'fancy gym'. One with 2 pools, tennis courts, and 3 workout studios. I've only belonged to a fancy gym once before - and I can tell you the big difference is in the spin classes, the locker rooms, and the clientele. I'm a fan of spin classes - I like the loud pounding music and getting to do group exercise on a bike. In the cheap gyms - the spin rooms are usually tiny tiny and the bikes are rickety. At my new fancy gym?! Huge room with 30 brand new bikes. And the locker rooms in the cheap gyms are very basic... usually clean, but basic. In my new gym - they supply shower soap and hair products, and even have hairdryers. It's pretty sweet.

But my favorite part is the crazy rich people at my new gym. At 'normal' gyms, you do get a mix of people, but in general, they are middle class - wearing normal workout clothes, just there to do their thing. At my new 'fancy' gym? At the last few classes I have taken - there have been some pretty funny 'crazy rich lady sightings'. I totally wish I had my cell phone camera with me to get you gals pictures! (Although don't know how I would pull that off - try to take pictures with out them noticing?) Anyway - Saturday morning I went to spin class at 8 AM - and it was cold out. Two women came into class wearing, I shit you not, cashmere cardigans. They wore them throughout class... sweating in them like you and I would sweat in a sweatshirt. And this morning? A woman came in (for the 5:45 AM class, when it was still dark outside, into a dark workout room) wearing her super fancy sunglasses. She didn't remove them for the whole class.

I'm totally loving my new high class workouts...and my high class entertainment.

Good mood

I have to admit - I was totally resigned to not doing IVF until December. What with all the crappy insurance stuff and my feelings about the Old Doc still lingering, I just wasn't optimistic. For whatever reason, now I am.

Want a little peak into my IVF daydreaming? Here is how I think it'll play out. Right now I'm on CD 14. I think the doc was telling me that I would do lupron on CD 21... but even if I didn't, I think I would still have to wait to start everything until next cycle. Best case, I think the insurance will take 2 weeks to come back with an answer, and let's assume they don't submit until the 10th. So - an answer by the 24th. AF is due on the 28th. If she doesn't have me do Lupron.... I guess I could be doing the retrieval in the middle of October! Lupron (if I'm doing it?) to start on the 18thish.... and then next AF due on the 25th. Retrieval on Nov 8th?

For someone who has basically been waiting since April to get started on all this IVF crap - only a month until we do it seems impossibly close.

My Perfect Uterus

I had my hysteroscopy today. It wasn't very painful at all! I was pleasantly surprised. And New Doc and the nurse were funny -saying I had a perfect uterus. Even gave me a print out! Wanna see?

The nurse said that is was so perfect, it was vain, and didn't want to get all ugly by getting pregnant. She made me laugh with that one.

The other surprise? New Doc is submitting for insurance this month! I should find out in a few weeks if we are on for an October cycle.

Exciting.

I did it.

I wrote my MIL an e-mail yesterday, just explaining what a frustrating summer this has been for me. With all the stupid insurance and doctor problems. And why that has limited our trips. And she called this morning, and we had a good talk. I know it's wimpy to start conversations like this over email, but that is what I did.

My FSIL is so much better at handling my MIL - she mostly just grins and bears it. So, I took a lesson from her, and just talked to her. It's funny how she has no idea that she treats us differently than others in the family. But I've kind of come to the realization that I just need to let it go. This morning, when I mentioned how much it sucks to just be always waiting? She says, even though she didn't have trouble getting pregnant, there was one time when she tried for 2 months to get pregnant, and it was like it was the end of the world for her. So she says she multiplies that, and she can totally understand how I am feeling.

Maybe she can. But I doubt it.

I grew up with such a small family. I never had to deal with drama like this. I hate it. Always needing to worry about visiting and updating everyone. The rules of what is done for birthday's and holidays. Keeping count of who visited who last and how many times someone has called someone else. Augh!

In other news, I'm starting the Couch to 5K running program with Aaron and my friend Amanda next week. I've never been a great runner - but I'm getting bored with walking. I'm loving the new spin classes at my new gym... and will be starting up with swim team again next week. So, I'm switching it up a little! Anyone else want to join me?

MILs and the weekend...

My mother in law is difficult. I know there are those of you who are lucky enough to have awesome mother in law's... but mine is a little off the wall. Used to be, she was fine on a one-on-one basis, but since Aaron and I have started TTCing (and I made the mistake of telling her we were) she has been yet another level of stress on an already stressful situation. When we first started, anytime she called, the first question she would ask is 'are you pregnant yet?'. And then when I told her we were going to an RE, she was this pool of totally wrong and annoying information. "Could it be that you are overweight", 'did you know that x did y and that got them pregnant?', 'you should wait 6 months anyway - to get in a better financial situation'. This all from a woman who had her children one right after another in her early 20's. Wendy (Aaron's sister in law) later told me that when she was pregnant, Adam got 'in trouble' for not allowing her to be a part of their pregnancy. Is she serious!?!?!

Sigh.

But, it was after my ectopic that it just became too much. She was all over Aaron (not me, thank god), telling him how sad it was that we lost our baby. Honestly, I didn't feel like I lost my baby. I felt like a lost my chance at a baby, but I only knew I was pregnant for 10 days... and it wouldn't have made it no matter what. She sent flowers. She wanted to know our next steps.

My next steps were making it through the next 24 hours. Being with my husband. Crying. Holing up in my house. That lasted for about 2 months (not the crying - but certainly the need to not leave). And then, when I finally ventured out? My 2 forays out into the real world? One involved a group of 20 woman in which 4 were visibly pregnant people and the other? I was accosted by a well-meaning IVF veteran telling me to 'just adopt'. So, back into my little cocoon! I spent time with my close buddies and my mother... not much else. In the meantime, Aaron's mother visited a few times - but without asking in advance - and both times I was on pre-planned trips. Not like I was intentionally avoiding her, but it did happen to work out.

The other thing with Aaron's mother is that she is brutal with her sons. Even though they are all happily married with lives of their own, she expects them to call her and pretty much tell her every little thing that is going on in their lives. Normally not a big deal, but if they don't tell? And she hears through the grapevine about something? She does this annoying thing where she calls and tries to pull it out. Doesn't directly ask about it, but gets on the phone and tries to pull it out. And since my family is nothing like this - I really can't handle talking to her on the phone, it's too much!

Now, Aaron and I are spending pretty much each weekend working on the house. And my MIL lives on Nantucket. Which, besides being insanely busy in the summer, costs at a minimum, about $250 to go to (parking, boat tickets, etc). We just don't have that kind of money to be throwing around especially when we are doing major work on our house. And - I'm usually the one to push for trips... if Aaron had his way, we would stay in our house and never leave! So - I decided that this summer, Aaron was in charge of scheduling our trip to Nantucket, and I'm not involved.

We haven't been there in almost a year now... and also... Aaron has had to tell Betsy to stop asking about what we are doing for TTC. Her solution? She never calls me (of course, I don't call her either). This weekend was my future SIL's bridal shower. I went up and spent the weekend with her, and my MIL was there too. I was nervous at first, but my MIL barely said 2 words to me directly. I want to tell her, it isn't that I don't want to share things with her. But when I do share? She makes it bad. And uncomfortable. I talk to loads of people about our IVF plans. But when I want to talk about it. Pretty much all my friend let me broach the topic first. Because there are days when I've just had one too many pregnancy encounters, and it's just to hard. Or AF has just started. All of my friends respect this - and for whatever reason, my MIL doesn't get that.

What I really wanted to do was to sit her down, and tell her about my last 10 months. About how hard it hit me. About how badly I want a baby, and what we have had to go through over the past 10 months. The crappy doctors visit. My meltdown in the Home Depot parking lot. My planning to start IVF in May. And then June. Then July (which was one of the main reasons we didn't plan any trips this summer). And then the stupid insurance cancellation. And then doing it in August, after the doc's protest letter. And then the denial. And now the New Doc, and the plans for IVF in Oct.

If the opportunity presented itself, I probably would have done it. But she barely talked to me all weekend. I go back and forth on it. I feel like I need to protect my sanity, but I'm nervous that this is going to make a rift between Aaron and his mother that will take too much to repair. I assume a baby will fix it - but who knows when that will happen!?