Thursday, April 19, 2007


I got the following email from my father the other day:

We are planning our vacation and would like to include you. We can be in your area July 6-7-8, whichever day is best for you. Let us know so that we can plan.

When I read this, I had the same sinking feeling that I get whenever I find that my father is visiting. My father and I do not share the same outlook on life, is the best way to put it. We don't agree on politics, religion, treatment of other human beings, management styles.... you name it, we don't agree on it. My parents were separated when I was very young - so I spent most of my 'growing up time' with my mother, and it shows. When he visits, he basically sits down in front of my TV (and mutes all the
commercials! Can I tell you how annoying that is!?!?) and asks when the next meal will be served. He is 75 diabetic, overweight, is hard of hearing and can barely walk.

But, when he visits, Aaron and I put on our 'happy faces' and make it through. Because that is the kind of person I am. Many people, after hearing stories of some of the things my father has done to me (or others), have asked why I even bother trying to maintain a relationship with him. Although at times I wonder that myself - I don't have the energy to deal with it currently.

Then it hit me. This visit is going to fall right in the timeframe when I'll be doing the shots for IVF. Shit.

Still, I write back:

Hi Dad - What is your plan when you visit? Just staying over in the evening as you drive by? Those dates sound good to me - but let me double check with Aaron. I know there is a wedding shower for Aaron's brother's fiance somewhere in that month... but we'll make it work.

To which he promptly replies:

Actually, we have never been guilty of visiting you on a "drive-by basis. We limit the time we spend with you because of your busy schedules. Our trips to New England have always been to see you. We sometimes try to tie some other purpose with the trip, hopefully a purpose that is tax deductible.At any rate; we will be able to give you a date soon. It will be a week-end of course, probably part of the 6-7-8 of July.

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh! The King of Guilt strikes! At this point, I'm completely annoyed. He has told me in the past that he was planning on a NE road trip to visit my stepmother's family, and then, when driving from CT to a vacation on PE Island, would stop by our house! And - honestly - I was all excited that maybe he would just be coming for a day... that would make things so much more bearable. So - I then wrote back:

I wasn't implying that you ever do a 'drive by'. You message said 'We can be in your area July 6-7-8, whichever day is best for you' - and I took that to mean that you would be here for the day.
That whole weekend is free for us.... so - whatever you decide, we'll be here.

I have no idea the impact that whatever protocol my doc put me on will have on my emotions - but I do know that Clomid kicked my ass. I was crying daily. Assuming things stay 'normal' for me in the next few months, I'll be starting BCPs around the middle of June - so we can hope and pray that I'm not a freaking hormonal basketcase when my father is visiting. Because maybe this is the day I take him up on his numerous threats to 'disown' me.* And, I always dread his visits. Which gets me all keyed up about everything before the man even arrives. *sigh*

*The threat which just makes me laugh, as the man is in debt to his eyeballs. It isn't like he's sitting on millions for me to inherit. I'll probably be paying for his burial.


Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am sorry. I would be annoyed too. Sending you a hug.

Ann said...

I haven't been on injectables--only Clomid (and yes, it kicked my ass, too). However, I have heard injectables aren't nearly as emotionally devastating as Clomid. So here's hoping! (Don't you hate trying to plan your life around your cycles, or vice versa? There's a chance my husband could be out of town for four days during my next medicated cycle. Argh!)

Geohde said...

Family, can't live with 'em. Could live without them! But then what would we feel guilty about??