A list for the past weekend:

In the mood to post, but not in the mood to really write. The solution? List it out!

1. Mom visited this weekend. She makes me a little nervous because she cries at anything. At dinner, she was crying about a story where she took a pair of socks from the hospital for her dog to smell when her first husband was dying (of cancer). I guess it made the dog feel better. This was 38 years ago.

2. Saturday I saw my doula. Love her. We went over a 'birth plan' - or lack thereof (which I am happy with and will talk about at a later date).

3. At her store, I found a mirror for the car (I guess babies love these? While in the carseat?) that didn't have a button that makes music. When I was registering for stuff with my girlfriends, they said the mirror was essential... but all the ones at BRU made really annoying noises. Noises that I'm thinking would cause me to stop the car and toss the damn thing out the window. But perhaps your tolerance for annoying electronic noises goes up when you have a baby?

4. We went to Chunky's and saw Eagle Eye. Decent movie, fun place.

5. It rained. And rained. And rained.

6. Bought a few more long sleeve maternity shirts, and also, FINALLY bought some baby clothes. I want to get something to take home the baby that was for a girl or boy - and I got some super cute things. Of course, after I rip the labels off of one, I notice I bought the 3 month size. Sigh.

7. I got ribbons on all my knitting at the fair. Hurrah.

30 week Belly Picture

Thought I'd throw up a belly picture today:

I've gotten to the point where my belly sticks out further than my boobs - which cracks me up! And that shirt I'm wearing? I know it kind of looks like wallpaper - but I like it.

This weekend is a total washout - cold, windy rain all weekend. I'm actually fine with that. My mom is visiting. We are planning on going up to visit my doula, and then hit Lowell Open Studios, and I think I'm going to take here to aqua aerobics again. She loved that last time. I also entered some of my knitting in the local fair to be judged - so on Sunday we'll pop over and see if I won anything.

TGIF.

Boy or Girl?

So. Since Aaron and I have decided not to find out the gender of our little one.... I currently find myself obsessed with what is IN THERE.

I say to myself I don't care. Because, really, I don't. But then I get more honest with myself. For whatever reason, I've always pictured myself with a daughter. But when I think of this baby in my belly, it's a boy? I think some of it is that I get nervous that I remember, first hand, the challenges that a girl goes through growing up - wanting to be thin, pretty, popular. Boobs, zits, periods... friends....BOYfriends. But then I realize - I bet boys have those same issues too? I just didn't live through them myself.

I just want a happy, healthy child. But the closer I get to my due date - I'm really really REALLY curious as to what sort of little baby is growing! And it's not only gender... whose eyes will it have? Will it have curly hair or straight? I guess this is part of the excitement that comes with the 3rd trimester.

What about you all? Did you really have a preference for a boy/girl? Honestly? Why?

It's a pregnancy miracle!

I turned off the light last night at 11 PM, and didn't wake up again until 4 AM! No hourly pee trips! Hurrah! Of course, when I DID wake up, I couldn't feel the entire right side of my body, and almost had to run to the bathroom but it's a small price to pay!

I attribute a lot of my sleeping well evenings to my 'workouts'. I put that in quotes because let's get real. My favorite work out before I got pregnant (well, actually before I started IVF) was either Bikram Yoga (super hot and intense) or spinning (pedaling a bicycle as hard as you can for 60 minutes in a dark room with pounding music). Now, I have three things that I do.

The first is swimming/water aerobics. That is my most fun - when in the water - I mostly don't even feel pregnant. Only thing that I'm hampered when doing is flip turns - but I'm still doing them as long as I can - trying to keep my tummy strengthened. But my buoyancy has changed so much - it's pretty funny to experience! But in the water I'm weightless, and cool. Blessedly cool.

I also love to take walks. Aaron coaches soccer 2 nights a week at a field that is a great walk from our house. I only need to walk for about 3/4 of a mile on the road, and the rest is through conservation land. I bring the dogs and tire them out with me. Now that the weather is cooling down - I'm able to take a nice walk any night I want (this summer, I would only go in the evenings when we were under 70 degrees!). If I'm not taking the dogs, I also have quite a few walks mapped up around my neighborhood from when I was training for the Breast Cancer Three Day. None of these walks are at a record setting pace, mind you!

And, if the pool is closed, or the weather crappy, I'll hit the gym and do the elliptical machine. This is my least favorite - but I make it more enjoyable by bringing a book along. This is also the one thing that I've actually had to stop because I felt like crap.

But anyway - I try to do one of my 3 exercises at least 3 times a week - plus one class of prenatal yoga. I've actually managed to do something active about 5 times a week (ignoring last week when I had a cold and did nothing). It's interesting - because it's really the first time I'm honestly only working out because it feels GOOD and not to worry about losing weight or keeping weight off. That is sure one thing I love about being pregnant - for the first time in probably my entire life, I'm not dieting (or feeling guilty that I should be). And a think my body is thanking me for it.

Here we go again....

There is a hole in my upstairs hallway:
Soon.... this will be the new, exciting location of my washer/dryer!

Upstairs! Hurrah! I don't know the timeline of when Aaron thinks he'll be done - but now that the hole is in the wall....

Imagine. Not having to cart laundry up and down the stairs. Heaven.

Survived

Well, Dad is driving away as I type this.

It's funny how much I dread these visits, and then they turn out to not be such a big deal. Truthfully, at this point he is so limited (he wears hearing aids in both ears and STILL can't hear, can barely walk, is insulin dependant, and takes a handful of pills multiple times a day) that he can't be as offensive as he used to be. And since he can barely function, it's easy to either talk to fast so he can't understand, or just walk into another room, since he won't follow you.

What cracks me up is all the things that he used to make fun of people for - he now does. He was always so intolerant and inpatient with 'older' people - and now he is TOTALLY one of those. The things that makes Aaron laugh is that he is always harping on 'manners' but basically has NONE of his own. Talks with his mouth full of food, orders dinner first (not waiting for the 'ladies' to order first), and is constantly interrupting every conversation.

Plus - now that I am married - he directs much of his advice to my poor, unsuspecting husband. I slept in until 8:30 on Saturday morning, and Aaron was left with my father downstairs from 6 AM until then... and I still haven't gotten the full rundown - but apparently we should add solar panels to the house (yes - we'll do that with our millions), be sure to take our kids to church each Sunday (which he never did with me - it was my mother who took me to church each Sunday), and vote for McCain (because Obama's too young).

Anyway - I survived, actually had many pleasant conversations with my stepmother, and now will spend some time this morning knitting. Then, this afternoon, I'm planning on going apple picking with my friends.

Good time all around

So - remember how I told you all that I kept on forgetting about my birthday? I don't think I explained enough about how I'm usually SO excited for my birthday. I remind everyone that it is coming. I usually set up my own party, so I know I'll have one. I tell people at work so they remember to get me cake.

This year - I did none of that - and most of my friends, family and co-workers came through! It was such a welcome surprise. The friends on my street took me out a fun dinner, my buddies at work all took me out for Thai food, and there was even an ICE CREAM cake for me at work in the afternoon. My phone was ringing all day with people calling to sing to me.

When I got home, Aaron gave me a Kindle as my birthday present. I'd always been interested in these (I'm a huge reader) but never really looked into it. Usually I find books that I want to read and request them from the library or the paperback swap. I'm loathe to BUY new books, mostly because my house would be completely overrun with books in months. But I love to read. This thing is AWESOME. It uses a technology called 'e-paper' - which isn't backlit or has any glare - it really reads like paper. And it's lightweight and can store (I think) up to 200 books at a time (a big plus for me - who on a week long vacation will carry 3 or 4 large books with me). And - if you delete a book from the kindle, it's always available on Amazon to sync back up when you want it. Oh! And you can also get magazines and blogs sent to it (it doesn't use wireless technology, it uses 3 g - like an iPhone). I know it's first gen, and I bet I'll be buying the next version at some point, but now? I'm in love.

And then we went out for a great dinner with friends.

So - all around? Great birthday. Now, as I prepare for my father's arrival in a few hours - I'll share some of the ridiculousness that is my relationship with him.

About 8 years ago, I went to meet Aaron's family for the first time. They are a pretty intimidating crowd, and live on Nantucket. I don't know if you know the island, but I can just say it's a really ritzy-titsy place filled with what I would call 'fabulous' (and not in a nice way) people. Anyway - this trip coincided with my stepmother's birthday. I did not call on her birthday. I totally forgot about it. Surprisingly, I was totally tied up in being nervous meeting my (at the time) boyfriends family on totally unfamiliar turf. So - when my dad called later in the day - I felt bad that I hadn't called, but apologized, and wished her a happy day.

This turned into a HUGE fight - my father said I was totally disrespectful by forgetting her birthday, and that I should apologize. I thought this was going rather far, but I did (for the second time) apologize. He then laid down this law that 'As my father, he should expect to have a phone call once a week from me, plus a phone call on all major holiday's and birthdays'. I then, for once in my life, stood up to him, and mentioned that we didn't really have a great relationship to begin with, and the reason I didn't call him so much was because we rarely had anything to talk about. And then he said if I was that disrespectful, he would disown me. And we creased to talk for about 6 months - at which point I just decided to call one day and get it over with.

Now we are on a truce where I'll call pretty much once a week - but I have mentioned numerous times that the phone DOES work both ways. And that whole drama totally highlighted to me that anyone that is willing to disown his daughter for not calling on a birthday? Not really worth the effort of reaching out for a big meaningful relationship. Although I'm not willing to cut him out of my life completely (he's 78 and it isn't worth it to me - he isn't going to change, but he also won't be around forever either) I'm not willing to go out on a limb to strengthen the relationship.

The kicker? They didn't call yesterday to wish me a happy birthday.

No news is good news

I never got a call from the doc, so I guess I passed the one hour glucose tolerance test - hurrah! I was worried I wouldn't pass - so I'm glad that is over!

Of course, I've managed to catch a cold, and feel like CRAP. I think colds are the worst kind of sick. You aren't sick enough to justify staying home from work - but you feel just bad enough to want to curl up in a little ball.

And I can't even take Ny-quil. Sigh.

Tonight, out for dinner with my neighbors to celebrate my birthday! Hurrah! Tomorrow, Happy Birthday to me! And I shall eat cake (yippie for no GD!)

Good times

Blech. This morning, I had my 1 hour glucose test. Truth be told - the drink wasn't all that bad. But I'm nervous about not passing it. If I don't get a call by Weds, I can assume I passed. How annoying is that? Why don't they just call you either way? But everything else was great - I'm up 2 pounds from last month (puts my total so far at 15 pounds) and the baby was kicking around like a crazy baby, so it took her a while to get the heartbeat. I'm now on the every 2 week schedule for appointments!

I don't know if I told you gals about this - but I have a friend who was very into natural birth. Her first baby, they found out it was breech, and she had to have a c-section. When she got pregnant again, she went to a midwife practice. Her husband was encouraging Aaron and I to do the same. I'm also into natural birth - but Aaron and I decided a hospital close to home was more our style. Anyway - they didn't do an ultrasound to see the baby's position - they just felt her belly. After 40 hours of (unmediated) labor - her husband insisted they transfer to a hospital, where they found out the baby was in full breech position. He was LIVID. Understandably so! Anyway - he's gone from preaching to me about midwives - to insisting I make sure I have an ultrasound at 35 weeks to determine the baby's position. I was planning on asking that today - and no need. We have an ultrasound at 35 weeks to see where the baby is! Cool.

As for other 'life' items. My birthday is on Thursday - and I've pretty much totally forgotten about it! That NEVER HAPPENS. I'm usually all excited on Sept 1st that it's my 'birthday month'. Crazy.

My father is visiting this upcoming weekend. I hate his visits. I dread them. There are loads of reasons. Many are centered around the fact that he really doesn't even know me, so when he is here, it's frustrating to even have a conversation. But he is usually making a comment on how I'm not 'feminine' enough, or my house isn't the way he would want it.... or comments on my weight and/or Aaron's. This coming from am man who easily weighs over 300 pounds and has type 2 diabetes, which he has to control with insulin. AND. He will spend the whole weekend watching TV, and shuffling back and forth to my frig, eating everything in sight.

Crap I'm not looking forward to this. The one bright part is that my stepmother's birthday was last month, and I told her that her present from me would be a massage. So I schedule one for me at the same time. I'm wicked smaht.

Feeling good

A few things have me feeling really good lately.

The first is the fact that the baby is moving around like Mexican jumping bean. I feel it ALL THE TIME. I love it. That also keeps on reminding me that this whole thing is really happening. I managed to except the whole 'I'm pregnant thing' about 2 months ago - but it hadn't really connected to the 'I'm going to have a baby' bit until just recently. I know, right?

I took Friday off just to hang out with friends. I feel so great. After taking Labor Day week off, and then Friday - I feel calm and relaxed and just good. It's funny how much we sometimes need a vacation, but just don't do it.

Today, I got up earlish and went to prenatal yoga. It's a free class at my local Destination Maternity store, and I love it. I always leave feeling like I've done something good. The only bad part is that when I do it in the morning, I have no motivation to do anything else all day (you know, because I already did something good today!?).

Which, today, is fine with me!

Birthing...

As I'm about 2 days away from official entrance into my third trimester (eek!) I've started working on things that I hope will allow me to achieve the natural (i.e. no drugs) birth I want. Some are little things - like sitting in the proper way to encourage the baby to be a good position. Some of these change make me sad - no reclining (I love to sit in my recliner and knit), practicing sitting 'Indian style' (not comfortable for me) and NO laying on my back.

I've also started listening to my hypno-birthing tapes, and reading a few books on hypnobirthing. One thing that totally cracks me up is the questions this one book has you ask yourself to see if you are 'ready' for birth - or if you will have doubts holding you back:
- Your own birth. They ask if their are bad stories around you own birth. Not here! My mom always tells the story that she 'spit me out like bubble gum'. Nice, huh?
- Other's birth stories. In my circle, I don't really have any horror stories - but I would be the first in of my family in my generation to have a vaginal birth out of the 6 children that have been born.
- Previous Labors - no experience there
- Parenting. I've already gone into this in detail - but I feel like we have a good parenting 'plan' in place.
- Support. Yeah. I've got that. Aaron is the most supportive partner a woman could ask for, and my mother is quivering in CT - just waiting to hop into her car to help me for 2 weeks after the baby is born. And I've got an awesome network of friends who are pretty excited about this baby too!
- Marriage/Relationship. The quote from the book - "Is your marriage/relationship secure, loving and mutually nurturing? Are you confident that your relationship is strong and that it will weather the additional concerns of raising a child?" HA! If I've learned anything going through this whole IF crap - is that Aaron and I have a rock solid relationship.
- Career. I've already got a plan in place for childcare, and a neat thing is that I'm working on transitioning my current work to one of my guys. When I come back - I'll be starting on a whole new project - which is exciting.
- Housing. They ask if there is room in your home for a baby. Um. we bought this house in order to have babies!
- Medical Care. I really love my OBs - and I have a great doula to assist me in the birth.
- Finances. At first, I was a little nervous about the high cost of daycare - but then Aaron got this new job, so things are in great shape. Having 3 years to get things in order on the finance side of the house is one of the benefits of taking 3 years to get pregnant!

Anyway - I know that a lot of these questions are actually issues for people in pregnancy.... but in a weird way - going through fertility treatments was a good way to prepare for the baby. We had to deal with a lot of stuff as a couple that most don't need to. We were able to really plan for this baby (housing, finances) in a way that many people aren't when they have a 'whoops' baby. Not saying it didn't suck to go through IF treatments, but I guess the confidence that you are READY is a silver lining.

Sigh.

I'm back from our vacation. It was awesome. And I still have 3 days off of work! Like I said, we went to the Equinox Spa - which had just gone under a huge renovation. The property itself was pretty awesome. But - the things to do were great too. I availed myself of all of the spa services they would allow for a pregnant woman - each day I did something different. First day, a Mother Earth Wrap, next day a pedicure, and right before we left, a pregnancy massage. And it was an AWESOME massage. They had this preggo pillow, that let you lay on your belly.... heaven. Although I will admit my boobs hurt after a while... but she really massaged me. The lady I go to here is pretty gentle (which has it's own good bits).


The first day I mostly hung around. In the morning, we went into town and I found the town yarn store and poked around in there for a while. And then got some books at the bookstore. And then got my wrap.... awesome.


But the second day?! We decided to go on a Hawk Walk. The have the British School of Falconry at the spa - and it sounds sort of lame when you read about it: 'During this session, guests free fly Harris hawks along The Equinox' scenic trails. Guests are required to have taken a lesson prior to participating in a Hawk Walk. ". I was like... OK, I'll go. I'm SO glad I went! I can't really describe how cool it was. Maybe pictures will help (and you can all notice my OBVIOUSLY pregnant belly, thank you very much)

Do I look like I'm having fun?

And here is Haggis (that was my hawk's name) practicing landing on my arm.

Too freaking cool.

Now I'm home, and have a few more days to relax before I get back to work. Hurrah.