Monday, December 14, 2009

The new normal

Aaron decided to go back to work today - just to get his mind on something else, which is a good thing, I think. I managed to do the morning routine pretty well - but I had help from the gang. Maggie woke up at 6:15 and was pretty well done with her bottle and fussing by the time Hulk woke up at 7. She hung out while I got Hulk dressed and ready to go. The only hitch was moving from upstairs to downstairs - as Hulk can't go downstairs on his own yet - and I forgot to bring up a sling. I put Maggie down, went down with Hulk, and got him situated with milk in his highchair and of course, while I was pouring it, I hear Mags flipping out upstairs. Run up, get her, and then we were all set. Phew.


The service was totally beautiful and exactly what we needed. The minister talked a lot about hope and honoring Nora by continuing to live our lives with love and joy. And that is exactly what we wanted to pass on to everyone (and us). We were at a loss of what to do, angry... the whole mix of emotions you can expect at a time like this - but mostly our life is joyful. We have a wonderful family, and wonderful friends and Nora would want us to go on living our life with love and happiness. It's not easy, but we are trying.


Yesterday, the fireman came and put up our lights and they were really wonderful. How often do you get to see fireman climbing up the side of your house?
I was joking with Aaron that we were probably freaking out a few neighbors to have fire trucks in our front yard. But most of the kids were over checking out the fire truck - Hulk was loving it:


Sunday was also the day that Santa was riding the fire truck around town to see all the kids. Maggie said hi:

And here we all are (Hulk was totally fascinated by the fireman on the ladders - so he wouldn't look at the camera):

A new normal. Our little family. Not what we expected, but we are adjusting.

30 comments:

sarah said...

(((HUGS)))

Megan said...

Sending a great big hug from Columbus, OH! I love the last picture- it is great with the babe swaddled under your coat and your little man gazing intently at fire trucks. Love and joy, peace and hope. 'Tis the season.

Jen said...

I am glad the memorial service went well and helped you celebrate and remember Nora. It looks like you had a good day with the firefighters. Hang in there.

Laurie said...

lots of hugs from CA

Tammy said...

I love that last picture too. You have a lovely family CeCe. I am so glad you have a great support system surrounding you. Hugs from your West Coast buddies.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I wish it was a different normal, sweetie. Just thinking about you.

Frieda said...

I am so happy to see your happy faces. Hope each day is a little bit easier than the one before. Love and hugs.

serenity said...

I'm with Mel. I wish your new normal was different, too.

Thinking of you.

xxx

Sweet Georgia said...

I'm glad the memorial service went well. You have handled this horrible tragedy with amazing grace. Good luck to you and your family as you move forward.

Sara said...

That pretty much sums up life and parenting - you didn't ask for exactly what you got, but there you are - and what can you do. I have no doubt that the grieving and even a level of PTSD will continue for a good while - but it's lovely to see the joy peeking through too. I agree - that last photo is awesome.

Aunt Becky said...

Those socks on her feet are adorable. Sending you love and light and peace.

Michele said...

I am so sorry for the Anonymous comment I just read. Grieving happens in different ways. And I think it is lovely that your community is rallying around you. In my grief, blogging let me get out my feelings. Please ignore the rude comment by someone who obviously doesnt understand how orphaned parents cope.

Sending you love and hugs. I am so sorry that you dont have Nora to hold and snuggle this year.

Katie said...

What a beautiful family. And the smile on your face. . . it is so joyful. I am awed and inspired by your smile. It doesn't look fake or forced, it looks. . . well, real. You are certainly are a tribute to Nora. May we all be as brave as you.

Cece said...

I deleted the nasty anoyomous comment. I want to post here that I chose to share select parts of my life on the blog. In truth, there is some 'faking it until I make it' going on. I chose to not share with the world every part of this process. If I can hold the pain and deal with this loss so no one else I know EVER has to deal with this awful, awful pain - I take that on. I am reliving that night over and over in my head. I cry at the drop of a hat - and unfortunetly, it's not just a couple of tears. It's heart rending sobs. I have a huge empty space in my heart that can't be filled. I carried those two wondeful girls in my body for 9 months and I only had 5 days of them together, when I had visions of a lifetime.

I choose to look for the light and attempt to live in the joy, not the darkness. Would you rather I lay in bed and neglect my 2 other wonderful living children?

It is my choice.

Katie said...

Cece,

Beautifully said, although no explanation was needed. I have never suffered a loss like yours, but I can imagine that the there will be days when you CAN fake a smile, and days when you can't. I am so proud of you for being able to celebrate the blessings in spite of the sorrow.

I am sorry that someone felt the need to add any further hurt to you at this point in time. I cannot fathom the type of person that would do that. Hopefully, the will not be back, but if they are, know that there are a league of us here to take them on so you that you can focus on doing what YOU need to do.

With love,
Katie

Annalien said...

I am glad you deleted the nasty comment. When I read this post, the first thing I thought was that this just radiates an amazing attitute - to still embrace life even though your heart must be breaking into a million pieces most of the time and you probably just want to climb into a hole somewhere. I am praying for your family for peace and love and joy this Christmas, despite the tears and sobs. God bless!

edie & ella said...

Yay for firemen .... I am glad you have lights up!!!
You guys look great ... I love how red Hulks hair is...
And the sweet little baby girl is awesome.,,
I am so sorry every day for your loss ... you do have a great family and friend network and I am grateful network .....for that I am grateful!!!

Anonymous said...

Rarely do I add comments to this blog. I feel today that I must.
I am the husband and father in this family. And this is directed to the individual who decided to add a comment on my wife's blog expressing negative feelings about how we are handling life.

I welcome you to come talk to me. To put your name on your entry and not be 'anonymous'
I welcome you to leave my wife and children alone and direct anything you have to say to me.
And I welcome you to appologize for the insensitive and ignorant comments you felt obligated to post.

You have no idea what this is like. You cannot fathom the stregnth and fortitude that my wife has demonstrated. You are so clearly ignorant of any remote concept of how strong she is and must be that she even has shared these events in writing. She is my pilar. My support. My shining light that has helped me as we continue to move through this. It is her energy that keeps me vertical.

So the next time you have something to say, may I suggest, you don't! And don't hang around reading her blog anymore, just simply

GO AWAY!
FOREVER!

Christy said...

Big hugs to you from the Valley of the Sun! I know you have good times and bad, but it sure warms my heart this morning to see the good trumping the bad. I loved seeing your little family picture . . .

Tobacco Brunette said...

I didn’t read the anonymous comment, but I’m so troubled that someone would add to the pain you and your husband are experiencing with a nasty comment. What purpose does that serve? Anyone who’s been reading your blog for any period of time knows that you are a kind, compassionate, loving and much-loved person. It is very clear in your posts about Nora’s passing that you are trying to focus on what you do have and not what you’ve lost. But a reader would have to be a complete and utter fool to think for a moment that your day-to-day existence comes anywhere close to mirroring what you are writing. I think you are conducting yourself with great courage and using your blog as a coping measure that best fits what you need right now. Unfortunately, the ignorance of anonymous writers is one of the negatives aspects of blogging, but I hope that the benefits far outweigh the bullshit for you, Cece. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

I LOVE Hulk’s look of awe. Maybe you’ve got a future fireman in your house? Your family portrait is sweet. Thinking of you everyday, sweetie. XOXO

Kimberly said...

I am thinking about you, all of you. I so much wish I had more to offer than that.

Beautiful Mess said...

The service sounds beautiful. Your family has been on my mind a lot. I'm thinking about you and sending you lots of love.
*HUGS*

Lucia said...

I didn't see the nasty comment, which is probably just as well. I've had my share of trouble, and I'd never judge anyone for doing whatever gets you through the night. My experience is that you have to embrace the sorrow to embrace the joy, and to get your arms around all of that at once is very hard. I'm thinking of you all.

calliope said...

I love you all so so much and continue to think of you daily. How people deal with grief should never ever EVER be questioned. Ever. And I am sorry that someone felt the need to be a jerk.

big hugs to you all. xoxo

Geohde said...

I really do admire your strength.

g

Paz said...

I am impressed with, and moved by, your dedication to being joyful.

Nina said...

It is completely unbelievable to me that someone found it necessary to leave a comment that was anything less than kind and supportive to you in these difficult times.

I am relatively new to your blog, but keep coming back because the joy and love for your children (all 3 of them) shines through in your words. It is very obvious, even to someone like me who does not know you, that you are trying very hard to focus on the good in your life while you heart is broken about the loss of your beautiful little girl.

Please do not be disheartened by the remarks of one troll. I hope you can and will keep using this blog as a coping mechanism and find comfort in the support from this community. For what it's worth, know that even as far as Hong Kong, someone is burning a candle for your dear Nora.

And to Aaron: that was beautifully said!

Ruth said...

Aaron: Amen!!

Cece, I have been and continue to be beyond impressed by the way you're moving through this difficult time. As Nina said, your love for all three of your children shines through every word you write, and you honor Nora by continuing to find and celebrate the joy in your life. Big, tight (((HUGS))) to you, my friend.

areyoukiddingme said...

I can only imagine what the deleted comment was about - and I have to assume that the commenter has either not experienced the loss of a loved one, of if they have, they cannot properly deal with that loss. The grief is always there, but that does not mean that you can find no joy in life. You have a beautiful son, one gorgeous daughter here, and one watching over you. There is much to be thankful for in life, and it gives courage to others when you are able to show that thankfulness after such a tragedy.

And I'm so glad your community is rallying around you.

MyLifeMyWorld & Growing Families said...

I'm glad the service was what you needed and gave you peace. Hugs