Like I said before, I would say that the big thing that's changed for me is that I'm not as good at coping with things. That whole insurance thing yesterday? Instead of just calling and seeing what the deal was, I flipped out. I was bawling on the phone. And, instead of just having it be that one isolated incident, I started thinking of all the OTHER stuff that is going wrong. I'm usually never like that. I'm not a Debbie Downer. And I don't want to TURN into that - but I can easily see how people get that way. If I started to dwell on even a 1/3 of the bad crap that has happened to me, I would be living under a rock crying all day.
But I'm not that kind of person. I refuse to be.
So - I will tell you that last night, when Hulk was running around in naked baby mode after his bath (one of my favorite times of the day)- I told him to 'go find dad' because I was in the middle of changing Maggie - and he turns to me and says - "Where Dad?". It melts your heart. Seriously.
And in Maggie news, I fully admit that I'm breeding her bad sleep habits. I'm pretty proud of myself that I don't rock her to sleep anymore. I did that until she was about 2 months old - we would put her to bed totally sound asleep - which I knew was bad. But I loved holding her sleeping, and I allowed myself that luxury. Now, she always goes down either fully awake, or at least acknowledging that she has been put down - and does a great job of falling asleep. She rolls around to get herself settled, but rarely makes a peep. But the second she cries I run to her. Even if it's only been 2 or 3 hours since she went to sleep. Even though Rational Cece knows she can make it 5 -6 hours. I know that I've gotten her to assume that when she wakes up - she always gets fed. But last night, I gave her an extra ounce in her rice cereal bottle, and she had that at 7:30. She woke up screaming at 11. I knew in my heart that she wasn't hungry. So I just let he figure it out. And the good news is that I thought if I let her cry, she would flip out and get more and more upset. Not the case. If anything, she calmed down even faster than when we tried this with Hulk. She would cry for about 3 minutes, and then roll around, chew on her hands, play with her little lovie... and then cry again in about 10 minutes... this went on for about 45 minutes and then she went back to sleep until 3. Which was almost 8 hours.
Now I know it can be done. I just need to be tough and do it. Because even though my gut reaction is to run to her, I really, really, really need sleep. And I know that she really, really needs to sleep too. So we'll figure this out.