Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Like I said before, I would say that the big thing that's changed for me is that I'm not as good at coping with things. That whole insurance thing yesterday? Instead of just calling and seeing what the deal was, I flipped out. I was bawling on the phone. And, instead of just having it be that one isolated incident, I started thinking of all the OTHER stuff that is going wrong. I'm usually never like that. I'm not a Debbie Downer. And I don't want to TURN into that - but I can easily see how people get that way. If I started to dwell on even a 1/3 of the bad crap that has happened to me, I would be living under a rock crying all day.

But I'm not that kind of person. I refuse to be.

So - I will tell you that last night, when Hulk was running around in naked baby mode after his bath (one of my favorite times of the day)- I told him to 'go find dad' because I was in the middle of changing Maggie - and he turns to me and says - "Where Dad?". It melts your heart. Seriously.

And in Maggie news, I fully admit that I'm breeding her bad sleep habits. I'm pretty proud of myself that I don't rock her to sleep anymore. I did that until she was about 2 months old - we would put her to bed totally sound asleep - which I knew was bad. But I loved holding her sleeping, and I allowed myself that luxury. Now, she always goes down either fully awake, or at least acknowledging that she has been put down - and does a great job of falling asleep. She rolls around to get herself settled, but rarely makes a peep. But the second she cries I run to her. Even if it's only been 2 or 3 hours since she went to sleep. Even though Rational Cece knows she can make it 5 -6 hours. I know that I've gotten her to assume that when she wakes up - she always gets fed. But last night, I gave her an extra ounce in her rice cereal bottle, and she had that at 7:30. She woke up screaming at 11. I knew in my heart that she wasn't hungry. So I just let he figure it out. And the good news is that I thought if I let her cry, she would flip out and get more and more upset. Not the case. If anything, she calmed down even faster than when we tried this with Hulk. She would cry for about 3 minutes, and then roll around, chew on her hands, play with her little lovie... and then cry again in about 10 minutes... this went on for about 45 minutes and then she went back to sleep until 3. Which was almost 8 hours.

: )

Now I know it can be done. I just need to be tough and do it. Because even though my gut reaction is to run to her, I really, really, really need sleep. And I know that she really, really needs to sleep too. So we'll figure this out.


Jen said...

You are doing wonderfully. Just remember that on the bad days. As for the sleep thing, it sounds like you know what needs to be done and are all over it. I rocked Jillian to sleep until she was a year old. Talk about starting bad habits!

Calliope said...

I STILL struggle with the sleep stuff. W is just not one of those babies that can jabber away to sleep. I marvel at parents that are all, "just put the baby down awake and they will LEARN to go to sleep". um. yeah. That doesn't work for us.

As for coping- I think you are doing an amazing job.

Beautiful Mess said...

I had a hard time coping too, but after I realized my mind going 24/7 made everything worse, i was a lot better.

Good work with Maggie! That's very hard to will yourself not to run to them. Keep up the good work, love!

HereWeGoAJen said...

You are so far ahead of us on the sleep thing and Elizabeth is older than Hulk!

Don't feel bad. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can go into her sometimes without ruining everything. You can meet some of YOUR cuddle needs too.

Manise said...

Good work Cece! With my first it wasn't unusual to put her down asleep and if she woke up in the process I'd tiptoe out or hit the floor or c.r.a.w.l out of there! Crazy eh? :-) You are a great mom and don't forget it!

sukeyknits said...

It's amazing how the thoughts can snowball. I had that happen recently and have found therapy has worked wonders. It's useful having that rational outside voice confirm the better way to think about things and put things in perspective. Glad to hear you're up to 8 hours (potentially). Maybe see you this weekend!