Wednesday, May 22, 2013

9 Years

Today marks nine years of marriage. In the past year, we've seen a few marriages around us end in divorce. It's sad, and every time it makes me think about what makes our marriage work so well. We have a foundation of a lot of love, and love that has grown as we've been through both great things and some awful things. We make each other laugh. Our basic morals and life outlook is very similar. We enjoy a lot of the same things, but we also have diverse interests that we pursue on our own. We support each other.

But lots of couples have that. I think the secret to long term success is about communication and compromise. When we first met (12 years ago!) we had both come out of horrible relationships (I for one, had actually planned to be alone for the rest of my life). In the honeymoon stage of our relationship, we had our first 'misunderstanding' (I wouldn't call it a fight). But he said something that pissed me off. We were riding our motorcycles (so not like I could say anything then), and we just rode home. When we got home, he asked me what was wrong, and I said it was 'nothing'. He said he was pretty sure it was SOMETHING, and we talked about it. He hadn't realized what he said, I didn't realize until he asked how much it pissed me off, and right then, we made a pact. If something was bothering us - we would talk about it right away. Not let it fester, not brush it off. Because no matter what, things like that build up and fester. Even when it's difficult, we talk about things right as they happen. We don't wait days or weeks and bring it up as ammunition, we address it right away. It's a habit. Before we do anything - we talk about how we will do it. Even little things - like what is going on during the week. I usually start Monday with a list of everything we have planned, and we work through it together how we will attack the week. But also big things, like when I was pregnant and nearing time for maternity leave, we set expectations of what he could expect from me when dealing with a little baby, and I knew what kind of help to expect from him. It's amazing to me when people don't have those talks and think that their partner will just somehow magically will know what they need.

Also we have our ability to compromise. I care passionately about some things and Aaron cares about others. It is actually freeing to me to not have to worry about certain things, because those things are his domain. Same with me - I have the things that I deal with in our life that Aaron doesn't have to think about. Sometimes we'll rein each other in, other times we'll push the other towards something they may be reluctant to do. But our happiness as a couple is the fact that we always work together with an open line to each other.

Do I want to kill him sometimes? Oh yes. Like when it's 11 PM and I can't fall asleep because he is snoring like a freight train!? Or when he piles up all the dishes right above the clean dishwasher?! But to me, it's surprising that we have lived together for almost 12 years and I have so few things that bug me about him. We are a true team and I love us. Happy Anniversary, Hot Stuff.


Stace said...

I don't know if I've commented before-- but I have to say that you're one of the blogs I read that truly inspires me in so many ways. You and Aaron just seem to "get" it. Happy Anniversary!

Michele said...

happy anniversary!!!

Catwoman73 said...

Happy anniversary!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Happy anniversary! And many more!