Holes in my house!

As promised, a few pictures of the work Aaron is doing on the house this week!

Off to do some more 'vacationing'....

Decision Made

A nice, new, Nissan Murano it is. I love it. I should be taking delivery on it this week. And we are doing it with all the bells and whistles - which is a big change from my current car. Yes, the Beetle has a great engine and suspension - but it's more sports car than luxury. This car has a nav system! And a back up camera! I can't even tell you how cool that is for me... now, when the dogs are circling the car as I back out of the garage I don't have to worry about running one over (a big fear of mine).

In other, non-IF news (because I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY) today is the only day I'm working this week! Aaron and I usually take a week off ever summer to putz around the house and make some progress on house projects. And we do have a bunch of big projects underway right now. One involves renting a bobcat and moving 16 yards of topsoil around the yard, and the other involves making large holes in the outer walls of the house. Maybe I'll even show some pictures of the works in progress. Aaron's father is visiting to help with the work, so I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be too involved in the manual labor. I have my own list of things to do. Go to yoga in the middle of the day. Organize my craft room (yet again). Do some knitting. Do some baking. Basically, do things that I don't usually get to do!

Oh, and I'm pretty sure I'm in the 2WW (totally forgot to use the OPKs this month, so I'm just looking at 'signs'). Keep your fingers crossed that by some miracle my DIY cycle works! Barring that, let's hope that on Friday, I get good news from my insurance company.

Vehicles

You know, I never really realized how your family status really dictates the vehicle you drive until we started planning to have a family. I think I've mentioned this before, but Aaron and I used to have motorcycles. I always said that the minute I got pregnant that I would sell mine. Which I did. And then I was no longer pregnant. And Aaron also ended up selling his.

Now we have 2 cars - a sedan type car and a New Beetle. The new beetle is my car, and I love it very much - I have the souped up version (turbo, sports suspension, 6 speed manual blah blah blah). It's a 2 door car. It is obviously the car that we would sell/trade in when we get the new, family car - but you know - I really thought we would be getting the family car when the family consisted of more than 4 legged children.

2 years ago, it didn't even seem like an issue to think about - my car was only 3 years old, no need for a new one, and hey - I would be pregnant soon. But, as we have been waiting longer and longer for me to get pregnant, the car is getting older. And we have finally come to that decision point in car ownership - the point where you either need to trade in for a new car, or admit that you are going to keep the car until you run it into the ground. Obviously, we won't be doing the later (well, I GUESS we could be, if I never get pregnant). But sooner or later, I will have a baby. And that baby will not want to be trapped in a car seat in the back seat with two slobbering dogs.

So - it is with mixed emotion that I have started looking for a new car. I had always pictured this day as one where I'd be all big and pregnant, with Aaron holding my hand as we look around at the 'family' vehicles.... checking the safety features and seeing that the car seat fit right. Instead, I'll be going this weekend and trading in my fun little 2 door because it makes sense. I feel like it's weird to have this expectation and visualization of what it would be like to buy my next car.... but then again... I guess it isn't.

On the other hand, I put my motorcycle up for sale before I actually knew I was pregnant. So maybe making this decision to buy our new 'family' car will trigger a shift in the cosmos and I'll get pregnant (intrauterine this time, please)?

Another DIY cycle, and update

I finally got the nurse to call me back from my REs office. It actually wasn't my 'normal' nurse, as mine is on vacation - and I really liked her better. I explained my problem. That I started my cycle on 6/29. The plan was to start me on Lupron on CD 21. That the doc submitted his protest to the insurance decision on 6/29. And that it would take 2 - 3 weeks to get an answer. And, that Dr. N wouldn't start me on Lupron unless we had been preventing. Therefore, at this point, we need to decide to prevent or not prevent.

Aaron is all for not preventing. We aren't going on the pill, since my cycles are so regular, so I'll let you all guess why he isn't a fan of our method of preventing. Men.

I'm on the fence. Do I want to wait another month, if, by some miracle, I get approved in 2 weeks and not 3? But, if I wait another month, it gives us another shot at conceiving on our own and avoiding the whole IVF thing.... and, it assures me that I can go with my future SIL on her bachlorette trip to Disney on Aug. 10th.

We talked about it over dinner, and we'll just start everything next month. I should get AF on the 27th, start lupron on the 17th... with an ER in Sept. If it all works, maybe I'll get a BFP for my birthday on Sept 18th!

For my weight loss and exercise goals, I have reached the weight that I need to be according to my doc minus 2 pounds (for a total of 15 pounds lost since April, 33 pounds lost since April of 2006!). I actually took last week off from yoga, as I went up to the cabin - and there isn't a store within a 40 minute drive, no matter a yoga studio! I did go for a bunch of walks, and ate well, so that was good. And, went to yoga last night for the first time in a week... ouch. Now that I have another month and a half before all this IVF stuff starts, I'm going to work on losing at least another 5 pounds. I've also pledged to walk 300 miles between now and Sept 30th. It sounds like a lot - but is totally doable if I continue walking every day at lunch.

Survived!

The weekend with my father wasn't too bad. I think I have found the best combination to handle his visits - a full afternoon of whale watching, and the game Rummy-O. We made meals that he enjoyed (ribs on the grill one night, lobster the next) and didn't let him do the normal thing of plunking himself down in front of the TV. When he started to head over towards the TV - I would ask if he wanted to play rummy-o - and he would head over there and we would play for a bit.

He couldn't make it through the whole weekend without offending me, of course. A quick background on my father is that he has been married 5 times, and has 5 children. He only talks to me and my half-brother Steve. I think from that you can get an idea of how great this man is with maintaining relationships. My mother kicked him out of the house when I was 2, and we had limited contact throughout my childhood. My teenage years had a constant threat of of 'if you do 'x' (dye your hair a funny color, get a tattoo, do drugs) I will disown you'. Needless to say, we weren't close. And we didn't really get closer as I've gotten older. This weekend, he had a bunch of nice gems, but the kicker was when he said, "I feel like I have 1 and a half kids. Steve has only turned out 'OK', and the rest, I wish they would lose my phone number".

Nice.

He has already 'disowned' me once. For forgetting my stepmother's birthday. We didn't speak for 6 months. Some rather nasty words were exchanged. One of the things said during that 'episode' was that my father, being that he spent over a million dollars on my education and supported me in my childhood years, deserved a phone call at least once a week and on all major holidays. I, of course, ran to the calculator and figured out exactly how much money the man spent on me (which wasn't even a 10th of the amount he said) and started thinking.

Because a parent spends money raising you, is there a rule to what they DESERVE back in return? When I have children, will I give them things with expectations from them in return? I feel that your decision to have children comes with a few basic requirements on the parents part - you are expected to fed, clothe, house, and educate your child. Of course, they also expect some encouragement, trust and love - and a decent start in life... but the first 4 are the basics. All children should get those (and of course, there are those that don't even get that, but we don't need to go there). My mother raised me to be a strong, educated, independent woman. We are close. I know she loves me unconditionally. (oh, and I call her 2 or 3 times a week).

My father judges me. He has made it abundantly clear that if a do certain things, he will not love me anymore. Not just not TALK to me, but not love me. I believe it! He has done it with 3 of his children already. It used to really upset me that he would give ultimatums like this... but as I've gotten older, I just don't listen. I'm to the point that it may be better if I don't talk to him anymore. And I know that even if he does 'disown' me, I will still love him. He is my father. But like my mother says, I may have to love him, but I don't have to like him!

To avoid conflict, I do tend to call him about once a week to get 'credit' and on 'major holidays'. But - it is a joke between Aaron and I as to what constitutes a holiday - does Veteran's Day count? And as his birthday or my stepmother's birthday roll around, we joke if I feel like getting disowned this year or not... sick, I know.

Sleepless...

I have this very cool song running through my head 'I got the will to drive myself sleepless, sleepless' (by Soul Coughing).

Not much sleep occurred last night. I've figured out that my mother's misery it rooted in my brother's financial issues - or more specifically - how his money issues effect her. Turns out, she loaned him a big chunk of change, and since he's going through all this bankruptcy stuff, he isn't paying her back (but he can still buy a car and take trips to Key West). And now she needs to work 2 more years before she retires because of it. I'm pissed. And she doesn't want me to talk to him about it (and she isn't talking about it either). That she is being taken advantage of really is weighing on me.

In addition, my father and step mother are visiting this weekend. I don't get along with either of them... but they don't know it. My dad is a HUGE liar - making up crazy stories about how he invented this and knows this famous person and always telling us how smart he is BLAH BLAH BLAH. And my step mother believes him. There is so much more to the story... but let's leave it at that. He arrives this afternoon at 2:30 and leaves Sunday morning. God save me.

I heard from the doctors office - usually when there is a doctor's protest for insurance - it takes longer to hear back. More like 2 - 3 weeks. So. There is a slim chance I'll find out in time and will be able to start lupron on the 20th... but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Back!

I'm back from my mini vacation - and it really was nice. I watched 8 movies (!), did a bunch of knitting, went for nice walks in the woods, hung out with my mother... all that jazz.

But, my mother is sad. And that makes me sad. She is pretty much on the verge of crying all the time. I can't really do anything about it! She is lonely. She worries about my brother (who is having marital issues and going through bankruptcy). She misses her dog that died last year. She wants me to get pregnant - but not in the bad 'why don't I have a grandchild yet', but in the 'I know how badly you want this' sort of way. Her sadness makes it hard to spend time with her. But I want to spend time with her - because I know she likes it, and it makes her happy. It's hard.

I'm on CD 5. In order for me to be able to have my August IVF, I need to be approved within the next week, so I can have my pre-IVF appointment, and start the Lupron on the 19th. I just put a call into the doctors office to see what the status of his 'protest' is... but it had better be moving along!