I'm an extrovert. 100%. I'm the one that invites ALL the kids to my children's birthday party and initiates play dates. I start book clubs and craft nights. I plan block parties. I get people together for Mom's night out. We have an Easter Bunny costume and invite the kids of the street to have an Easter egg hunt. I take the kids to music men, town parties, and when we walk around the block, it takes an hour because we stop and say hi to everyone.
I like people to like me. I enjoy being around people. I like to see people having fun and smiling. So I put a lot of pressure on myself to help as many people as I can. If someone needs help, I always say yes. Not because I have to, but because I like to. For a while after Nora's death, I couldn't help anyone. I could barely help myself and I leaned on friends a lot. It was a sign of things getting back to normal when I could get back to having my little parties, bringing people meals or babysitting in a pinch. I like to help people if I can. Aaron is exactly the same way. We have a truck, which some people think is a 'curse' because people are always asking for help moving big things - but Aaron enjoys being able to lend a hand.
Are their some people that take advantage of our good nature? Yes, for sure. In general, I don't let it worry me.
This last week, I've been out of sorts. I've been getting push back on some block party planning, a bit of stress in the fact that I have a bad feeling there will be snow on the ground for Easter (and therefore what to do about the Easter egg hunt!?), and just general bullshit (both personal and work related). And I've gotten a wicked cold, which has wiped me out and made me lose my voice. So I'm sure a lot of my annoyance is related to being tired and sick and probably some PMS mixed in.
Sitting at dinner last night, I told Aaron about the big pile of shit that is going around in my head, and I said - I just wish I didn't care. And he said 'How is that going for you!?' Because he knows that I will always care. And honestly, I don't want to not care. It's who I am. I'm trusting and gullible and fun loving. And even when people tell me to just let it go, in the back of my mind, it'll always be there. But right now, I wish I could just say fuck it and walk away.
But I won't.