When you work all day Sunday! When I wrote yesterday's post, I was SO SURE that it was Wednesday. Sigh.
So, last week I was talking about stress a little. Let me give you my 'acceptance of my stress' story:
After Aaron and I had been TTCing for a year, I went to my yearly check-up. I have always struggled with my weight, but after moving out the to suburbs and quiting triathlons (that's right - 3 years ago I completed an Ironman triathlon!!) I gained about 50 pounds. I knew that I had, but I couldn't bring myself to get on a scale. Obviously, when I went to that checkup, they just expected me to step on the scale.
And I starting crying. Not too badly - I could cover it up - until my super nice physician's assistant came in and asked the innocent question 'How are you?" and I just started crying. I told her how I have gained all this weight, and I couldn't keep up with 4 hours a day of working out along with my job and my house and everything else just to keep my weight steady. And that we had gone off the pill a year ago, and I still wasn't pregnant and I was freaking out.
Pretty much all in one breath.
She really is a wonderful doc, as she had me calmed down after spending about 45 minutes with her. She sent me to a nutritionist and a shrink. And sent me for bloodwork to start the process of figuring out if anything was 'wrong' with me. And gave me a referral to an RE.
OK - finally to the point of the story! Phew. So - I go to the shrink, and he asks me why I'm here - and I say - because I really need to learn how to relax. I'm all stressed about becoming pregnant, and everyone says I need to relax. And he kind of chuckled, and asked - what do I do to relax? And I listed out knitting, quilting, going for walks, maybe a massage or two... and then he asked about my stress level. And I explained that I managed a group of 12 men in a technology role, and I had gotten 2 promotions in the past two years. So - work was pretty stressful, moving into those new roles so quickly - along with my very aggressive work schedule.
And he asked me what I thought relaxing was. And - really? I picture a relaxed person sitting in a chair, reading a book. Or laying on the beach. Things I HATE to do. If I'm sitting, I'm knitting. I need to be doing SOMETHING. And he said - you are the kind of person that doesn't like to relax! And that is OK. Your way of living has done you well. You are successful, healthy (this was after all the bloodwork came back - everything fine and low cholesterol, low blood pressure), you are happy (except for the whole weight/infertility freak out at the doctors office).... you do what you enjoy. That is what you consider 'relaxing'. And screw those who think differently.
So. I thrive on the high stress of work. And, to be honest, even if we could afford for me to quit to 'lower my stress level' (I actually know people who have done this)... I bet I would totally lose it in a few weeks. I have taken 3 weeks off of work once to recover from knee surgery... and I think I was MORE stressed out not being at work! I thrive on my 'hobbies' - on making thing with my hands... of sometime purposely stressing myself out by making deadlines for knitted items or quilts. I love it! And that's OK.
I will admit, though, that these last few weeks at work have been more stressful than usual. I've been working 80+ hours and dealing with the stress of a production slowdown. It's not fun - and I would rather be back to my 40 hour normal stress level weeks. Maybe next week.