Thursday, February 28, 2008

Better today.

So, after a good cry - and thank god Aaron totally understood, I'm feeling better today. He was out when I found out - and when he got home, came right up to our bedroom and gave me a big hug. I hadn't cried yet - and I let it out. I'm not mad at her - I'm jealous. She already has a daughter from an 'oops' 6 years ago (with another man). Now that they are married - they really wanted to get pregnant soon, so the kids would be somewhat close in age. And, she is 35 years old. She had told me before that when Justin and her moved in together (last summer) that they were going to start trying right away. We never really talked about anything much on the baby making front, but I wouldn't wish what I'm going though on anyone. In the back of my mind, I'm happy for her.

But damn it. All the blogs that I started reading when we were all just beginning the IVF journey? So many of you are pregnant already. And stressing about staying pregnant. Some are even 35 weeks along and are still not accepting that they are bringing home a 'real' baby - and I just want to run over and take over your pregnancy for you! I could believe! I swear I could!

If I didn't have a miscarriage in December, I'd be well into my 2nd trimester now. Maybe even in maternity clothes. Instead, I'm gearing up to start my second round of stims on Monday.

I'm also upset because I really thought I was doing great. Having fun, keeping busy, being excited about this next cycle - and then I take this announcement SO hard. I really wish it didn't have to be this way. And that everything didn't have to be this hard. Thank god for Aaron and all the support and love he gives me or I would be seriously losing my shit right now.

8 comments:

Jen said...

I think that no matter how well you are doing, it is just plain old tough to deal with pregnancy announcements. It's tough when its family and friends. It's tough when its other bloggers even if they've struggled too.

I'm very glad that you have Aaron. He sounds wonderful.

Frieda said...

I am so sorry that all this has caused you to be sad. I think your time is coming and you will be a great mom. Keep your spirits up and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

emmhollar said...

I just wanted to tell you that I can TOTALLY relate. If you read my very first post, I skim over the fact that my SIL was pg. I didn't elaborate to say that I was home alone when I found out, my husband was in SC. Also, when she called to tell me, she said she thought about just letting my mom tell me so she wouldn't have to hurt my feelings. Oh thanks! Hang in there...

tobacco brunette said...

It's really hard news to take. My BIL got married this summer and I've been sweating that he and his wife will make such an announcement. My cousin's baby shower is next weekend and I'm the only one not going.

I'm glad you're feeling a little better today and am wishing you the best stimming ever!

amysue said...

It sucks. I remember just how stuff like that felt and even now, all these years later it hurts. I promise that at some point you'll get it in perspective, but you don't need to now.

I hope this next cycle is the one for you both and am glad Aaron is such a great support for you. I still remember John promising me that no matter what it took we would be parents and he would take every step of that journey with me (admittedly he wasn't expecting it to take him quite so far..but..). It made me realize that I'll take the geeky, steady and dependable scientist over the flashy flaky guys every day!

Morrisa said...

It sucks when they blindside you like that. I am so sorry you have to deal with this right now. I wish I had more answers but I often feel the same way. While I am happy for those who have moved on it is hard to see your list of non-pregnant friends shrinking. I'm here for you babe!

Kenya said...

I understand completely. It sucks when woman that were once in your shoes have surpassed you and are well into decorating nurseries. We all have love for you!

Abby said...

I hear you... I had to remove some blogs from my blog roll b/c I would be due next month... and I could not handle reading the those blogs, b/c if not for the misscarriage, I would be 7 months along. There was a point 2 months ago that everyone on my blog roll was pregnant, except me! Hang in there , our time is coming.