So, after a good cry - and thank god Aaron totally understood, I'm feeling better today. He was out when I found out - and when he got home, came right up to our bedroom and gave me a big hug. I hadn't cried yet - and I let it out. I'm not mad at her - I'm jealous. She already has a daughter from an 'oops' 6 years ago (with another man). Now that they are married - they really wanted to get pregnant soon, so the kids would be somewhat close in age. And, she is 35 years old. She had told me before that when Justin and her moved in together (last summer) that they were going to start trying right away. We never really talked about anything much on the baby making front, but I wouldn't wish what I'm going though on anyone. In the back of my mind, I'm happy for her.
But damn it. All the blogs that I started reading when we were all just beginning the IVF journey? So many of you are pregnant already. And stressing about staying pregnant. Some are even 35 weeks along and are still not accepting that they are bringing home a 'real' baby - and I just want to run over and take over your pregnancy for you! I could believe! I swear I could!
If I didn't have a miscarriage in December, I'd be well into my 2nd trimester now. Maybe even in maternity clothes. Instead, I'm gearing up to start my second round of stims on Monday.
I'm also upset because I really thought I was doing great. Having fun, keeping busy, being excited about this next cycle - and then I take this announcement SO hard. I really wish it didn't have to be this way. And that everything didn't have to be this hard. Thank god for Aaron and all the support and love he gives me or I would be seriously losing my shit right now.