Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Breathe

So. Since yesterday, weve had one more instance of Hulk breastfeeding - for a few minutes. You are all correct - the pumping AND feeding is really getting overwhelming. We are giving it until Friday, at which point we have a pedi appointment and we are going to re-evaluate everything. Most of the stress comes from the pumping/feeding at night. There just really isn't a way for one of us to do it without waking up the other - but Aaron doesn't really want me to just do it alone - even though HE is the one going out every day and driving and working. I'm hoping to convince him tonight to sleep in the guest room and take some Tylenol PM and try and get a full nights sleep. I spent until 2 in the afternoon today in bed with Hulk - feeding and sleeping on and off... so I could handle tonight alone if Aaron will let me - but I guess we will just have to see.

I was talking to my doula today, and the thing is - I just love this little guy SO much. And I worked so hard to get pregnant, stay pregnant and then birth him - I just don't feel like I can just give up on breast feeding. I know it is the best thing for him... but I also know that I was raised on formula and I turned out pretty damn OK. It's a struggle to decide. For now, I'll keep pumping and working with the little guy - but I do know that this can't go on like this forever!

12 comments:

Geohde said...

AH, my only assvice having had enourmous difficulty with the bf thing (although at least you get milk!) would be to give yourself permission to do whatever is best for your family. Enjoy your baby first and foremost.

xx

J

amysue said...

I agree with Geohyde. As you know, both my kids were bottle fed out of necessity and they aren't too annoying

Try as long as you can stand it and then make whatever decision works best for you both.

Fertilized said...

yes geohde said it best

serenity said...

Agreed with all the prior posters.

And um I'm assuming then that you have tried a nipple shield and it didn't work? It was a lifesaver for us.

Just a thought. But you already know that either way, Hulk will be fine. No matter what you end up choosing, you can't go wrong.

xxx

Jen said...

Oh hon, I feel like I could have written that post two months ago. The pumping was overwhelming, and yet the guilt over the decision to stop was excruciating. Now that the guilt has subsided I can tell you that the decision to formula feed was the right one for me at that time. I know that I tried everything that I could and in the end I have a happy, healthy little girl who has a much less frazzled mama.

You will get through this. (((Hugs)))

edie & ella said...

I would definately say if you decide to switch to formula that you can feel really confident in knowing you gave it your all. You are doing such a great job...I know first hand how hard it is to pump and feed lather rinse repeat....when I decided to go full formula....it was like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders and after the fact I honestly didn't feel as guilty as I thought I would......good luck.......keep up the good work!!!!!! SAM

Cathy-Cate said...

Cece, check your email....

:-)

Wishing 4 One said...

Don't know much about it at all honestly, but I seem to agree with what everyone else said, makes sense. I know you love this little guy so much, and that is what matters, whats best for him and you.

Sparkle Mommy said...

You're dealing with the hardest parts of both worlds. The pumping sucks. I never liked it and rarely did/do it. Also you're using bottles which means you have to clean everything all the time. This adds up to a big pain. At least if you switch to formula you can stop pumping! Plus your little man will sleep better and longer. I hope you can nurse but if not the switch won't be that bad and should have its own benefits.

Zephra said...

There is so much pressure to breast feed. I struggled with my 3rd child and felt horribly guilty when I quit. I just couldn't manage it. He was formula fed and now at 9 years old, he is in the gifted and math and science school. He is healthy and has always been. He is fine even without breast feeding.

My last pregnancy I tried again. I tried really hard but was in so much pain all the time from stopped up ducts that I couldn't even hold the baby. Again I quit after 10 days. This time I didn't let myself feel guilty. I did the best I could and it was just too much. Stopping was a good decision.

He is 4 now and has been reading since 3 years old. He is healthy too. I wish I could have breast fed them but I think the stress that was avoided was worth the formula feedings.

If you decide not to continue, then please don't feel guilty. If you did the best you could then there is nothing else to be done. Your son needs a healthy, well rested, unstressed Mom more than anything else.

Beautiful Mess said...

Just like everyone else said "do what you FEEL is right for you". I, of course, paraphrased that, but you get the idea. You're doing a great job! You love him to pieces and that's what counts!
Hugs,
-D

k2 said...

Ditto to what everyone else said. You have to do what's best for your family. Screw the guilt.

FWIW - if you want to try to convince Aaron to let you handle the nights on your own you might try to argument I used: "One of us has to be competent to operate heavy machinery. You sleep. You drive. I feed the babies." Oh, I also happen to believe that vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, washing machines and dryers all count as 'heavy machinery' to be operated by the better-rested partner. **grin**