Monday, December 15, 2008

Day one

Well. Today was my first day on my own... mostly. Aaron left for work at 5 AM (yeah - he is crazy like that) after a pretty good night with Hulk. If you add it all up - I probably got about 5 hours sleep (in 1.5 hour stretches - but I'll take what I can get!). When we got up for his 6:30 feeding - my mother was up and ready to leave. I kind of thought she would stay until lunch - but she was totally ready to go. I convinced her to stay for a bit more, and snuck another hour of sleep, and she fed him while I showered. But then she was gone.

I don't know if the struggle is just that we aren't breast feeding yet - so I have to pump and then feed him (he is pretty much getting 90% of his food from breast milk! Just not from my breast.). And then, today, he was up wanting to eat about ever 1.5 hours - 2 hours, where his pattern before was every 3 hours. So I was trying to time the pumping so I could do it before he woke up hungry - and I didn't manage to hit that window ever. So I'd be pumping, he'd be crying.

Sigh.

I know it's only been 10 days - but I'm getting frustrated. The lactation lady came and told me to just do skin to skin if he wasn't accepting the breast - which he still isn't... so obviously she's seen this before and things work out - but I just wish one bit was easy, you know!? What if he never breast feeds? I'm happy that he is gaining weight well and getting mostly breast milk - but I thought this whole breast feeding thing would work out. And of course, I read two blogs today where they talk about how the whole breastfeeding experience was so wonderful and helped them bond.... not like I'm NOT bonding with this little guy - I really don't think it is possible to explain the amount of love I have for him already.... but I want to have the whole breast feeding thing too!

OK. Pity party is over. I'm sure that this will all work out - I just need to keep working at it! The visiting nurse came yesterday, and was also very encouraging. Hulk is up to 8 lbs 14 oz - so is gaining to 1 oz a day that the doctor wanted to see. I just don't have any experience with this - so I have no idea what to expect and what is good or bad. We'll get there.

10 comments:

Fertilized said...

i am leaving this comment to let you know that you are not alone in this situation. MT did not breast feed until 6 weeks old, i did skin to skin, the finger on the roof of the mouth, etc ,, i was up pumping all hours also to make sure we had expressed milk for a bottle .it was exhausting. He eventually latched on. i am saying thoughts for hulk to do the same .. you have all the respect and support from me

Jen said...

Elizabeth wouldn't breastfeed until I did the nipple shield. She seems to think it is a bottle. She still won't feed without one though. She glares at me like I am trying to trick her.

Having to pump and then feed sounds absolutely exhausting. It's just double the work and not much satisfaction. But you guys will get to a solution that works.

I'm sending love and good thoughts.

bleu said...

OHHHHH I almost forgot. Send Aaron to Target to get a nipple shield too. Bliss had a lot of trouble atthe start too and rejected my boob but it was nipple confusion. Anyway I got a nipple shield and he totally nursed from that no trouble and then after a time he weaned off it onto bare boob.

Here is a link, it might be worth a try.
http://www.target.com/Medela-Nipple-Shield/dp/B000067PQ0

I DO know how totally frustrating and upsetting it is but I PROMISE you it will soon get better and be such a far off memory that you forget to mention it when some else is having trouble. :)

Much love hun.

Jen said...

I hope breastfeeding works out for you, and it sounds like you are trying everything possible. After Jillian got bottles, I never could get her to take my breast. She was lazy and the bottle was just so much easier. I tried pumping but after three weeks I was exhausted and finding it hard to enjoy Jillian. Just like you I'd start pumping and then she would wake up. It was excruciating but I ended up going to formula. I felt guilty for a while, but now I see her growing, happy and healthy and I feel so much better. So keep trying, but don't let guilt consume you.

Momma Mary said...

My little guy didn't nurse right away either. It took a nipple shield to get him to nurse, and then it was a couple of months before I was able to ditch that... BUT it is SOOO much easier than the pump/feed/pump/feed thing you're doing now!! Once he started nursing, he pretty much quit eating any other way... :) I'm sure he'll get the hang of it!!

serenity said...

OMG yes - I can't believe I didn't remember about the nipple shield. Seriously. Get one at BRU - they have them there. Medela I think. It helped Baby O latch early on - we weaned him off it around one month or so.

*hug*

K @ ourboxofrain said...

My MIL told me that when P was a baby, it was weeks before he could figure out nursing. I felt very lucky that Harry seemed to get it quickly, especially since so many of my friends struggled. You're definitely not alone. I hope things get easier soon, one way or another.

Beautiful Mess said...

I, too, had to use a nipple shield. I had problems feeding then once we got that, it worked great and I cried tears of joy when I saw the milk on her face. I'm sorry your so exhausted, I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts!
hugs,
-D

Blessed Nest said...

oh, this is all too familiar! My fist did not latch on well until she was about 4 weeks old. We had to burrito wrap her (swaddle) because as a newborn she was actually wiggly..she was preoccupied but hungry too..It was well worth the fatigue and pumping. She breastfed until she was 27 months. Once she got the hang of it, I couldn't get her to stop!
e-mail me anytime...

Geohde said...

AH. The thing I learned in my short battle with how I though things would go is the following- don't sweat the small stuff. Or even some of the big stuff.

You and the hulk shall work itout to the satisfaction of both parties :)

J