Anniversaries

I'm just getting back to normal after 5 days off. My mom came for almost the whole time, which is a whole other story. BUT. It was a great break, and we did loads. Went for hikes, I got to go swimming, went to see The Rise of the Guardians (this was the first movie that neither child was scared of - totally recommend), had turkey, visited with friends, saw Grinch the musical in Boston, and even had a mini birthday party for the kids with grandma.

This year feels different somehow. In past years, I've felt out of control. It's either been because I was having a miscarriage, expecting a baby (or babies), had a newborn or two, or dealing with a loss or anticipating the sadness that would come with the anniversary of Nora's birth or death..... but this year I don't have that. We had a nice, low key Thanksgiving, I have plans for the kids birthday's (and some pretty cute invitations have been distributed for the party), and the Christmas cards have been ordered. I know I'll have a bit of tightness in my chest on Maggie's birthday - because I always think of the day she was born, and I think of the two of them... but it's starting to be a dull roar and not a scream.

Thursday is her birthday. Maggie will wake up to find both Mommy and Daddy home and presents waiting for her. She and I are going with friends to visit ponies, and hopefully take a ride. We'll spend the day together and have a blast. We will get home to meet MORE people that love her and have a tiny, family birthday party (she and Cam and another friend are sharing a huge party on the 15th). She will be surrounded with love, and that is what is most important to me. That when she grows up, she remember what a big deal her crazy mother made of her birthday. Because the day that she was born was one of the best days of my life.

Get over it

People say that all the time - she should just 'get over it'. Usually it's for little things, like someone getting a wrong coffee order, but it's even bigger things, like a break up or a job loss or even the death of a loved one. I spent Saturday morning with a friend who, like me, has been through a lot in life, and is generally happy. I've been getting a lot of questions lately about Nora, so we talked about her. People want to know if I miss her (of course). Or do we know why she died (not really). Or do we talk to the kids about it (they know they had a sister Nora and she died). I answer the questions honestly, because I want people to understand and to know that Nora isn't a forbidden topic - but obviously some days are better than others.

But back to my friend and I. She mentioned that one phrase that drives her crazy is when people say 'When will they get over it'. And I totally agree with her. I'm NEVER going to get over the death of Nora (and the long list of other things that have happened in my life). But it is in the fabric of my life. I honestly think that Nora was here to teach us something, and she really did do that. We are closer, we know who our true friends are, and we really learned what is truly important. We lost something huge when we lost Nora, but we also gained something.

When I meet people that hold the anger from a wrong that has been done to them (abusive childhood, a cheating spouse, someone who stole money from them) all I can think is that they are giving their energy away. That the bad thing is getting all the energy - and that makes me sad. In my early twenties, I let my boyfriend use my credit card once. I didn't know it at the time, but when I broke up with him, I found that he had charged $18,000 on that card. At first I was VERY angry. I tried to get him to pay me back. I even went to small claims court (and for a small time, Judge Judy was in contact with me to put the case on air!). When it became obvious this guy wasn't going to pay me back, and I was getting more and more angry about it - wondering if he even cared about the position that he put me in.... I took a step back. I realized that this was a bad man. And I needed to be grateful that I walked away from the relationship only having lost $18,000 and nothing more. I learned to be less trusting (a sad lesson) and paid off the debt and moved on. I didn't want to waste anymore of my time being angry about something that I had no control over and wasn't going to get much resolution about.

My father always used to say 'If this is the worst thing that happens in your life, it's a pretty good life'. And that is true. Most things that we get so upset about? Some are awful, but the good always outweighs the bad. I try to focus on the good and happy things that happen in my life. I'm not getting OVER the bad, but weaving them in with the good and result is the fabric of a pretty great life.

Friday Night Leftovers

• This weekend, Aaron wants to hunker down and get the outside ready for the winter. Stacking firewood, one last spin around the yard with the tractor and pulling out the snow thrower.
• This means two things. Winter is coming, and I need to entertain the kids. Because although they think they are helping, having the kids around when you really have to get yard work done is not helpful.
• I'll be taking the kids with me to run errands, Maggie to a pony lesson, Cam to a swim lesson, to church and then to Drumlin farm. Assuming everyone is in a good mood, we'll have a blast.
• If I have cranky kids, I will be drinking heavily on Sunday night.
• Tonight I have a hair cut and a massage. At least I'm starting the weekend off right!
• We are having a supremely low key Thanksgiving. Just my mom will be here. I think it's a good thing.
• But I'm still stressing over the menu.
• Oh! And I finished up the birthday shopping. We decided to get Cam a Darda Race Track. My mom is going to give him the Bat Cave over Thanksgiving - I can't wait to see that reaction.

My Weekend

Man, did I have a great weekend. My unexpected quilt project discovery made for a very calm weekend. In the past, at these weekends, I would dream of finishing some epic quilt project and sit at my machine and (still having fun) stress about finishing and sweating on a difficult pattern. This time, I spent my time finishing up little projects, doing a few fun ones I've been thinking about for a while, and playing with the fabric I bought in India. It was awesome.

The first thing I did, was to finish up these little wall hangings I started at last year's retreat:

Then, before I went to bed on the first night, finished a full quilt! This one was one of the ones I found all the cut pieces for. Simple quilt, and I usually have a lot of trouble with quilts like this that demand 'random' piecing. I found a solution to that problem. Mudslides!!!

I went to bed thinking about what I could make next. I was thinking of another quick quilt, and decided to work with my India fabric. My original plan was to make three little wall hangings, but I had a lot of trouble dealing with the fabric - it was really thin, and the pattern was on the bias and was just being difficult. I came up with this wall hanging for my house:

And then used the leftovers to make a lap quilt to give to Aaron's grandmother. She visited India the year before me, and will love this!

Sunday, I worked on silly little things that having been bugging me, sewing in zippers in finished sweaters, making freezer paper shirts that I promised long ago to friends and even trying my hand at sewing some cute fleece socks I've been wanting to try for years.

A wonderful weekend, great time catching up with girlfriends I now rarely see - and of course I'm now inspired to make EVERYONE handmade gifts. Reality will set in soon enough.

Packing

Tomorrow morning, I leave on my annual girls weekend. This is our 9th year going away and quilting for 3 days straight. We sit and sew and craft to our hearts content. The woman who runs it is our friend, she cooks all the meals - so all we need to do is show up and have fun.

I haven't had a lot of time to plan what I was going to bring. I was at a friend's house, and the kids were playing with some handmade Hobby Horses. They look easy and I thought it would be a fun Christmas gift. That was my one big item. I went upstairs to pack up my sewing machine, fabric and look at my other stuff. I found 3 quilts worth of fully cut and ready to go pieces. I must have bought them pre-children, and then stored them away when I didn't have time to sew. I'm excited I found them, as they are VERY cool quilts.

So tomorrow morning, I drop the kids off at daycare and then have few days to myself to hang out with a bunch of my favorite people doing one of the things that I love. I'm excited!

Politics

This morning, I got up early, and voted. I took the kids and explained how important it is to vote. About how you vote for the people who believe what you believe, so that the rules that they make seem fair to us.

I'm not going to get into my political views here. I already got in a fight with my mother yesterday, and I can't have it happening on my blog too - but I'm watching the polls with baited breath and hoping and praying that the things I believe strongly in are upheld.

Friday Night leftovers

• I mentioned before that Halloween was postponed due to the hurricane. It's from 4-8 and I realized that was right during dinner time. I was stressing about if I should offer some healthy food for the kids... did I want a bunch of people running in and out of my house? Did I want to deal with mess? Yesterday, I said 'fuck it' and turned it into a party. I basically invited every family on the street and in the kids class. I figure we'll trick or treat and then come back for a potluck.
• Speaking of parties, I'm working on picking out the kids birthday party invites. At first I was going to just do the invites that the party place offered - but it was really geared towards one kid. And then I was going to do an evite, but I have family members that don't 'do' evites.
• I've picked this one. I was thinking of a way to word it so it has that Maggie is turning 3 and Cam is turning four, but it sounded awkward - and the people I'm inviting know how old the kids are.... so I'm going to ask him to change it to be more unisex colors (orange and purple) and do this wording "Ahoy matey! Help us find the way to Captain Cameron and Princess Maggie's birthday!" And find a cute picture of the two of them.
• I often wonder if I care more about the kids birthdays then they do. Possibly, but if I enjoy it, what does it matter?
• I just got up to raid the kids Halloween candy. One one Snickers. How does that happen!? I feel guilty eating candy they like. Of course, they've already forgotten about it.
• This morning, I met with my partner in crime for the church craft group. Next week we are holding an ornament workshop - and are making these three things. I think it'll be a blast.
• Next weekend is my yearly girls weekend! It snuck up on me this year! I can't wait!

Mini-Halloween

This was really the first year that both kids are 'getting' Halloween. So they were both very excited to dress up (Maggie kept asking all day if it was time to be a Princess!?) and Cam couldn't wait to trick or treat. I'm really glad I decided to figure out a place to go last night, because they were super excited.

At school they had an early dinner of mac and cheese, and then a little parade. If you look below, the boy in the Ironman costume is Cam's very best friend. This is who I called and we figured out a great street to go nearby his house for trick or treating. The little tiger next to Maggie is her 'boyfriend'. We invited them last minute at school pick up, and it was fun to have our little group running around together.

 The first house we hit gave out full sized candy bars, and by the second, Maggie was opening her candy and eating it as she left the house. Here she is clutching her goods and telling me 'Mama! I have CANDY!'.

By the end of the night, she was holding my hand. She looks up at me and says - I love you Mama! I said, I love you too, baby. Then  she tells me, I love candy! I said, I know, sweetie. And she starts singing me a song 'I love you, I love candy, I love you, I love candy'. It was hilarious.

Cam and his best bud had a blast running from house to house and ringing doorbells. They understood that you needed to say trick or treat - but once they figured out that if you say trick or treat, you get candy, they would ring the door bell, and you would hear 'TRICK OR TREAT! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! THANK YOU'. A very happy kid:

I let the kids eat as much candy as they wanted, and as I figured, they eat about 5 pieces each and were sick of it.

Now I'm really excited for Sunday - one last hurrah and we've got the same group plus a bunch more coming to trick or treat with us!