This time around - I took part in the Barren Book Tour. We read Love and Other Impossible Pursuits by Ayelet Waldman. I started reading this book without having any idea what it was about - and was kind of blown away at first. Emilia has a stepson, and just lost her daughter to SIDS. I was often conflicted while reading the book that she should be happy for what she has (a stepson!) but not being able to understand how she even got out of bed in the morning. The loss of a 3 month old baby? I can't even comprehend.
Here are the questions I chose to answer:
- Emilia has a difficult time relating to other women who have had losses in pregnancy, usually because she sees her situation as different and worse than those women who have had miscarriages. She is particularly hard on her friend Mindy. Do you feel like this attitude was justified on her part? Are mothers of SIDs victims much different and worse off than mothers of miscarriages? Or can we all belong to the same support group?
I totally agree with Emilia, but on the other end of the spectrum. I feel that I have had to deal with NOTHING (infertility and an ectopic pregnancy) compared to those who have had a miscarriage or SIDS. I really don't don't have any idea how I would carry on if my baby died of SIDS. I actually know someone who just recently lost their 3 month old son to SIDS, and I have watched how they are dealing with it - and it tears me apart.
- We all have had someone in our lives like William who innocently says the wrong thing more often then we would like. How has your infertility experience helped you respond better to those "innocent yet wrong" comments/questions?
I put on a smile, and joke about it. Until I started dealing with infertility myself, the fact that not everyone can have babies at the drop of a hat would never have even crossed my mind. And it's not like a broken leg or another obvious aliment that people automatically know that you are having trouble with. I'm not trying to educate the rest of the world about infertility - it's something that Aaron and I deal with together. I know there are bloggers that are all about educating people about what we are going through - honestly, I only have enough energy to deal with it myself - no matter teaching everyone else about it!
- Emilia tries to get the restaurant to begin carrying a pink cupcake for William, admitting, "He will be overcome by the bliss of a strawberry cupcake and he will forget the rage in his mother's face when she looked at me. I wish there was a cupcake that delicious. What will it take for me to forget, I wonder?" Is that level of distraction only capable by children? What do you use to distract yourself when you're trying to forget something painful?
I am always thinking of all the things in my life that are totally wonderful. I have a great husband, a wonderful family that loves me, a great group of friends, a good house in a welcoming neighborhood. I am healthily, generally happy, and loved. Although I go through major frustrations with all this waiting with the IVF crap- in the end? I'm happy. Having a baby isn't what I'm waiting for to make my life whole. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Aaron and I will have a baby together. It's just a matter of when.
Hey - today is my birthday! I'm taking the day off of work, meeting a girlfriend for lunch and Aaron is sending me for a hot rock massage. Not too shabby.