Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Demotivated

Remember that very awesome quilt I made Aaron's grandmother? I don't know if I mentioned, but it took me hundreds of hours and hundreds of dollars to make? Someone was visiting my grandmother this weekend, and noticed that I forgot her kids. Yep. Completely forgot them. I felt awful when the phone call came in, but the worst part? The call didn't come from my grandmother or D, the woman whose children I forgot - but from the busy body other Aunt. And in the back round everyone was yelling about how much TROUBLE I was in. So now, something that I poured my heart and soul into will no longer be the awesome quilt.... but the quilt in which I forgot Della and Jake. Fuck. *
    And work. The release we've been working on went live this weekend, and yet another unexplainable issue arose and we backed it out. I feel like the new projects that I work on are a crap shoot. Like all of the planning in the world doesn't seem to avoid issues. And that is completely demotivating. I just sat and watched the emails flying yesterday afternoon, and all I wanted to do was to run away. I used to be AWESOME at my job. I had the best team, people were copying my stuff and using it as examples for best practices.... I was excited about my job. But now, doing the exact same thing, using the same logic.... but the communication in my new applications is lacking - and MAJOR things aren't found out until we go live and they fail. Because, no. No one mentioned that they were changing all the SQL to dynamic. So we didn't test that. Or that an obscure application that interfaces with mine is increasing volume by 3 times. Nope. Didn't know that.
      And instead of diving into the issue like I used to, and taking it personally and working through it... I just feel done. WTF. People don't seem to want to take ownership or care how anything impacts anyone else... and I want to be like that too. But I'll sit here and keep working through the issue and fixing the quilt because that's who I am... but I feel bad about it all. And that sucks.
        ETA: To add insult to injury, the formating on this fucking post is all screwed up.

        *The good news on the quilt situtation is that it's totally fixable.

9 comments:

Michele said...

I'm sorry... This all sucks, especially the quilt. :( I dont suppose there is anyway to add a square? This coming from someone who couldnt quilt if they wanted too. I'm really sorry :(

serenity said...

Oh man. Yeah, that sounds VERY demotivating. And ironically, I've been thinking similarly at work myself. I'm sick of everyone else not taking responsibility.

Glad that the quilt has a fix, though.

xoxo

Deborah said...

I've been blogging lately on how hard it is to motivate people, too. It is even harder, I think, to keep yourself motivated when those under you don't seem to care as much. I hope things get better soon, though.

~Shari said...

I can so relate to people in the work place not taking responsibility! I so hear you! *sigh*

I remember when you were making that cool quilt (ya know I am a lurker). My heart sank into my belly just reading that 1st paragraph. I am so sorry. And I got all bent outta shape reading how the others were talking about you in the background from the nosy aunt calling. GRRRRR! Seriously, that is just uncalled for.

HereWeGoAJen said...

Ah, that sucks. It's totally understandable though, when I do giant projects like that, things like that happen to me all the time. Like when you stare at a word so long that it no longer looks like it is spelled right? We once bought a Christmas present for the wrong girlfriend-in-law. It's nice that it is fixable.

And things like that used to happen to me at work all the time too.

Sara said...

holy cow about the quilt. It is totally fixable - Della can go down from the the D in JODY, and Jake off the K in NICK. But WTF re their handling of the issue and reaction? Practically cackling in the background and belittling you and saying you're going to be in "trouble"? What the Holy F is up with THAT?? I'm so sorry - that just sucks in all kinds of ways.

The work stuff- honestly, I think that "just showing up" is enough of a goal for you now. You're hardly letting life pass you by - you're engaged and involved and BUSY - you have a lot more on your plate now than you did pre-children, so cut yourself a bit of a break :)

Molly said...

What have the others, that were yelling about you in trouble, do for the grandmother?

kate said...

i remember that quilt & it was beautiful! i'm sorry they crapped on it :( it sounds totally fixable tho, & shame on them for making you feel bad over it! mistakes happen to the best of us-- don't beat yourself up over it. ((hugs))

Nearlydawn said...

Damn. Here's an idea... Call the aunt back, ask heer if all the jesters' names are on the quilt. Once she confirms the names for you... Tell her you'll gladly remove them when you "fix it". ;p