Losing Touch

I have to admit, I don't often think about the pain that Aaron and I went through to get pregnant with Cam. The ectopic pregnancy and the aftermath, the first IVF and the miscarriage... and just the general pain of the hope/failure cycle that was TTC for us for about 4 years.

Aaron and I have always been really social people. We always had people over for dinner any night of the week, we hosted Thanksgiving, birthday parties, fondue (or as I like to call them, FUNdue) parties. We were members of a triathlon team, and would participate in weekly training rides, open water swims and track practices. Things didn't change until we started TTCing, and I was unable to work out like I used to (so good bye triathlons) and I was just so consumed with the stress of treatments that we slowly, slowly pulled away from our social life. Then we bought a house, went deeper down the IF hole... and I just didn't have the energy anymore. I realized that many of our friends loved coming over and hanging out - but they never had us over to their place. And we honestly weren't really going out either.

Then I got pregnant. I reconnected a little with my larger group of friends after Cam was born, but then I got pregnant AGAIN and was just a mess. Only the rather persistent friends were able to stay close. Then Nora died. So what could I do? Call these friends, ones that were even in my wedding party....we'd only been out of touch for a year... but how do you even start that conversation? Hi! I had a baby, got pregnant with twins, one died. And how was your year?

Anyway. Just recently, I've been getting back with some of the woman I used to have a great time with. I finally have time and am in the right mental place to meet people after work to go for walks. Or drinks. Or to the movies. And I'm slowly starting to have little dinner parties again. And it's fun. And I feel like I'm getting back to me. And us. Because Aaron loves having people over too. It's nice.