Maggie, the blog and India

First up - Maggie had her 15 month check up yesterday. She is 30 inches tall and 22 lbs 11 ounces - so sticking between the 25% - 50% range. She checked out great (but still has the ear infections - but they are getting better). No shots, since she is on antibiotics (thank god - she hates the doc enough as it is). The doc was really happy with where she is - assured me that her teeth are fine, her talking is fine and she is just perfect.

Which come on - we knew that. For example - here is us (blurry iPhone picture) last night before bedtime - Cam insisted on having Maggie sit in HIS lap so HE could read her a story. Freaking cute kids.

Thanks for all the support you have all given in the past week. I've gotten to the point where if I have a question or stressed on something, I automatically think - ask the blog! And you gals always come through. I rarely think just how f'ed up my childhood was with the whole eating thing.... it's such an eye opener when I write it down!

The other very exciting thing is that I got an email from a guy that used to work for me - he is getting married and wants me to come. This is a man from a traditional Indian family - so it's an arranged marriage, in India. He is such a great guy - we had so much fun working together - and I used to tease him all the time that I would come if he ever got married. Well - he called me on it! I wasn't sure what Aaron would think - but he totally wants me to go. It's really a once in a lifetime chance - going to a 'real' Indian wedding. D also offered to show me around a bit while I am there... now just need to save the money for the rather pricey plane flight!

Food, and my relationship with it.

Ah. This is going to be fun. But I've been thinking about this a lot as I prep for this cleanse... so here it is.

Growing up, my mother was totally and completely obsessed with food. And weight. Still is. I was weighed every Wednesday morning and she kept a calendar with both our weights on it. She weighed and measured every ounce we ate. I couldn't eat if I was hungry unless it was a mealtime. She put me on Weight Watchers at the age of 12. Since my parents were divorced, when I would spend time with my dad - I would eat 'normal' - and get dessert and stuff. I remember being so excited to have ice cream and popcorn WITH BUTTER!

I was a day student at a boarding school, so in high school things changed. I had breakfast, lunch and dinner at school. So I got to eat more 'normally' - especially given that I did three varsity sports - so was working out at least 2 hours a day. College, same thing. I graduated. Got a job where I was working 100 hours a week. No exercise - and a lot of take out food. I gained weight, and then got back into exercising and did weight watchers with a lot of success.

Then, I got into an awful relationship - boarding on abusive. I stopped eating because I felt awful. I weighed less than I did in high school. My Mom wouldn't stop telling me how great I looked, my friends were worried. I think I lost about 60 pounds in maybe 2 months? It was crazy.

I tried to maintain that weight loss for a while, and I just couldn't. I got back up to where I was in college, and stuck there for a long time. I worked out in a reasonable fashion (but for me, reasonable was still at least an hour a day). I met Aaron, and we started doing triathlons.... and no weight loss! It blew my mind that I was working out an insane amount and not a stick figure. So I went to a nutritionist who told me that the small amount of food I ate growing up programed my body to survive on a small amount of calories (which has served me well - I do great in long distance athletics). Also - she explained that I'm Big. I have a very large bone structure, so I'll never be a little person (also served me well - I've never broken a bone!). She compared it with asking a Great Dane to become a toy poodle. Just wasn't going to happen.

Then started the last 5 years of dealing with infertility, the ectopic, the m/c, my FIL's stroke, being pregnant for two years straight, Nora's death... I just couldn't deal with my weight issues and all that. And I've gained weight. I'm maybe 50 pounds more than I was when I got married? I'm uncomfortable in my skin. And in the past, I've never felt that way. And like I said last week, I'm finally ready to work on it.

So. Here I am on day 3 of eating pretty great. I'm having a smoothie of some sort for breakfast, and lunch and dinner involves only whole grains , vegatables and chicken/fish/legumes. I feel good. I'm not hungry. I've done things like this a few times, I was a vegetarian for a while when I was just out of college, I did South Beach when I was trying to lose weight for IF.... I always feel better eating better. But I can't stick with it. WHY?! I think that I'm a bit of an emotional eater (if you can believe it, if my mom and I had a really bad day - she would take me to Friendly's and we would have a big Reese's pieces sundae for dinner) - but I recognize it... and usually stop. There is a little voice in my head that tells me I SHOULD be able to eat an ice cream cone and not worry about gaining weight. Which I should... but I take it to a level where I'm wanting that ice cream cone every night. And something else I've noticed... I love feeling full. Having a nice, big plate of pasta with eggplant parm and garlic bread - send me to heaven right now.

But with kids comes a whole other level. I need to set a good example for them. I need to show them that eating healthy is fine... but also that having that ice cream cone as a treat on a weekend is fun too! And to be healthier and happier with my own body will help me enjoy their childhood too. I think I need to try and recognize that the food issues from my childhood really aren't helping the 'grown up' me, and try and make a new relationship with food. Not an easy task.

bullets

I've tried to write a post a bunch of times now, so I'm giving up and doing bullet points.

• Aaron took Maggie back to the doc on Friday - her ear infection was WORSE. Another round of antibiotics. This is the 3rd round. But the good news is she is back to her Happy Baby Self as of Sunday
• Also noticed that she got two molars in this week.
• Does it make sense that she got molars but still doesn't have other teeth (like her eye teeth?)
• Poor baby - throw up, fever, teething and double ear infections all at the same time!
• She goes for her 15 month check up tomorrow morning - I need to make a list of questions - because she also isn't really talking yet either.
• Got to see my brother and 3 of his kids this weekend! I rarely get to see this brother (he lives in Indiana) so it was fun.
• Also got to see Aaron's Uncle - who hasn't been at the house since we bought it - he was blown away by all the work Aaron has done.
• Suzanne visited on Sunday - she is one of Cam's top 5 people - so he was SO happy to get to play with her!
• Monday we tried to relax and lay low - but did go and play a bit at the discovery museum, which is always fun.
• Monday was also my first day of no caffeine, sugar or alcohol. It went pretty well, small headache by the end of the day and I did have a burrito for dinner and I think the tortilla counts as sugar. But hey, better than nothing!
• And it's sad, but I'm somewhat happy to be back at work today. I've been home with a sick baby since Tuesday of last week (not counting Friday) and I need some peace!

My own health

With all that has gone on in the past 3 years, something that has certainly taken a backseat to everything is my own personal health. I've packed on weight, been struggling with the GI issues, sporadically been exercising... and I was OK with it. I knew it was an issue, but I just didn't have the mental space to deal with it. A therapist I used to see said that your life is a pie. The size of that pie never changes, but the way you slice it does. For the past 3 years (and more!) that pie was taken up with family issues, baby making, working full time. A very small piece was taken up with my own health, but I promised myself once I gave birth to the twins, I would regain control over my body.

And then Nora died and I gave myself a pass to do whatever it took to get me through the day. Eat brownies, sit on the couch.... anything I wanted. I've NEVER lived like that. I'm a lifetime dieter (or at least 'aware of what I'm eating' and exercise is a daily thing. I've done an Ironman triathlon, for Christ's sake!) There were days when Maggie was in the worst shape with her acid reflux (sleeping for 45 minutes, crying for an hour and a half, repeat for WEEKS) that I could barely think straight - no matter eat well. I've toyed with the idea of starting a diet - one of my girlfriends just recently had a lot of success on weight watchers - but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I did find out I had a B12 defiancy - and taking supplements helps that... but I just haven't been feeling right.

I don't know what happening, but in the past 6 weeks things have started turning around. I'm finally sleeping well. Deeply. I wake up refreshed. I just feel GOOD. And I'm able to take stock and admit that I'm trashing my body. I'm overweight and out of shape. And still having loads of GI 'issues' that I'm not going to go into here. My doc, who I've had for over 10 years, is leaving the practice and moving out of state. We've been going back on forth on my GI issues, and she pinged me the other day and suggested I try anti-depressants. That it's helped others with IBS (which I'm not even sure I have).

And I said no. I don't think I want to go that route. And then she mentioned that a few of her patients have had success with a cleanse. She told me about this book, and I'm going to give it a whirl. This isn't something I could have even entertained 6 months ago - but now I feel ready. I feel like this will not only kick start me getting healthier, but after reading the book, help me figure out which foods effect my stomach.

Next Monday I'm going to start the elimination diet - which has you cut out caffeine, alcohol and sugar - so you don't freak out your system completely when you start the cleanse. It's going to be interesting! And Aaron is being a sweetheart and is all for it.

Sick babies and new babies

Maggie was diagnosed with a double ear infection on Sunday. I got her the antibiotics and sent her to daycare on Monday because she seemed fine. I went to school at lunch time to give her the meds and she had a fine day. Tuesday, I wake up and my dog, Abby, had a weird thing going on with her ear - she had a big pocket of fluid. So, at lunch, instead of going to school to give Maggie more meds, I took the dog to the vet (dog is fine BTW).

They called me after naptime and said that she had a fever of 102. I called the doc and they said the meds needs at least 48 hours to work, if not 72. So I went to pick her up, and she was SO sad. Cam of course had to come home too, so I loaded them in the car and took everyone home. It was only 3 PM , so I promised Cam popcorn and a movie while I finished my workday and got Maggie settled. I pulled Maggie out of her carseat and she threw up all over me. Sigh. Cam was such a trooper - we all walked upstairs and he watched TV in MAMA'S BED! While I de-vomited myself and the baby. Aaron got home, and we called the doc (apparently she is just extra sick - good times. And a friend of mine said that her son always threw up when he got an ear infection). Then she ate more, and threw up again. And then we gave her another bath, and more throw up.

I was awake all night worrying about her - but she has gotten a little bit better each day. Yesterday still had a fever, but no more throwing up. Still has a fever today, but it's less.

In other news, Aaron's cousin and his wife had their baby girl last night - and I have to admit to you, I just don't deal well with pregnant people or newborns - or the idea of newborns. I see a pregnant person, and I can't even talk to them. I wasn't even like that when I was going through IF. When I heard D was in labor, I cried. I have other friends that get all excited about new babies - saying it reminds them of when their kids were born... for me, it reminds me of that same time period but not in a good way. So I'm trying not to freak out and worry about this new little girl. She sure looks perfect, and D had a great birth - went into labor at 2 and little Z was here by 7! I'm a bit jealous on that count.

OK - now to try and get the sick princess to nap.

Stuff and a pressing birthday gift question

Thanks for all the tips and virtual support on Maggie's annoyingness. Funny someone suggested wearing her while I made dinner - I thought of that too. I did grab my carrier and she HATED it. She wanted DOWN. Oh well. Last night I did my dream dinner run, and Aaron had the kids on his own for dinner and bath time. He said that Maggie was just walking around screeching, so he turned to her and screeched back! She paused, made a sad face, and walked away. He said it was hilarious!

I was trying to look in her mouth to see if it was maybe teeth - and I gave up. I need to remember that this too shall pass! So I've been trying to capture the fun on video - unsuccessful so far - but you will all laugh when I finally get it to show you.

I have a birthday present question. Cam has been invited to a party for a 2 year old girl. I was thinking of giving her this push toy. Maggie has that one and loves it. And Cam has this one and loves it. But I then realized that Cam plays with it only when Maggie grabbed it first. Is it too young of a toy for a 2 year old? The age on the toy says 1-3 years. My other thoughts are this music set (also thinking maybe too young) or a sing-a-ma-jig (which I think are HILARIOUS but others may find super annoying). The music set and the sing-a-ma-jog are in my 'gift closet' already. Am I overthinking!? Gah. I guess I could go shopping, but not in the mood!

Poooor Maggie

So - thanks to Ask Moxie, I'm feeling a little better, but need to whine a little about Princess Margaret. She is being IMPOSSIBLE. From morning to night all she does is screech. MAMA! DADA! She doesn't talk yet - but she seems like she WANTS to. She does the 'more' sign over and over, but when I try to hand her more - she gets mad. I think she is right on the cusp of some big developmental thing (I assuming talking) because anything we try to get her to do she just fights it.

Which is super fun.

Last night, we get the kids home from daycare, and Aaron is outside with Cam (I hep Daddy SHOVEL). Maggie is upstairs with me walking around the kitchen while I make dinner. She is screeching, so I hand her milk. She tosses it on the floor. I make Cameron chocolate milk, and she is staring up at me making the 'more' sign, so I add chocolate to her milk. She takes a sip and tosses it. And screeches. So I give her a handful of Kix, and continue cooking, and she eats one handful, and then does the more sign. I give her more in a bowl. She flips the bowl over and screeches. So I give her dinner. At this point Cam comes upstairs and sits at the table for his dinner, and I give Maggie hers. She screeches and runs away. So Aaron straps her into the chair - she was SO mad. Then I tried to give her just some yogurt for dinner (because she was having NONE of the 'real' dinner I made) she put both hands in it and started rubbing it all over the table. Sigh.

Cameron on the other hand, woke up this morning and said "I'm a funny guy, Mumma." Yep, you are big guy.

Snow, snow, snow

I don't whine about the snow much. I live in New England, and I expect it. The day after Christmas, we got 18 inches. A week later, another 12, two more storms in January for I think a total of 34 inches. In the middle of that, our snow blower engine blew, so we had to shovel (pooooor us - and it wasn't hat much shoveling, our neighbors plowed and let us use their blowers, which was very nice)... and now I'm sitting, working from home, looking down the barrel of another 15-20 inch snowstorm. At least the snow blower came home on Sunday.

I don't know about your kids, but Cameron, who is 26 months old, is NOT a fan of sledding... but he does like to shovel. Maggie just gets too cold. So it isn't super fun yet to have all this snow, because the kids don't even really want to go out in it. So, I'm working from home, and praying that daycare doesn't close - because working from home with 2 toddlers is almost impossible!

This past weekend ended up being really great. I made a last minute decision to buy tickets for Sesame Street Live - I was worried that Cam was too young - but I found tickets for $8 so figured worst case, we'd waste $24. One of my girlfriends agreed to watch Maggie - and off we went! Cam was very funny in the car - Mama? Where Maggie is? And I explained that he was having a morning with Mom and Dad all to himself - and he thought that was pretty great! The first bit of the show was a little scary for him - so he sat in Aaron's lap.

And I cried. Sigh. I'm pretty far removed from all that pain that we went through to get pregnant with Cam. And now, my tubes are tied and we are offically DONE with baby making. Every once in a while it hits me that for 4 years, we weren't even sure we would have kids, and now I'm blessed with these two wonderful, happy, healthy bubbly children. I was sitting and watching my little man's mind be BLOWN by seeing Elmo FOR REAL. So I had a little cry. I just had a moment, you know?

By the end of the show he was standing on his seat, clapping and dancing along with Elmo - it was awesome.

Little Maggie has figured out how to slide down the stairs on her belly, and is SO proud of herself when she does it. She also started officially full time in the toddler room in daycare - which she is loving (and we are loving because it's less $$$ than the infant room). But, poor little girl was home with me on Friday, because she had an ear infection. She was so tired, she feel asleep at 11 and didn't wake up until 3:15 - which enabled me to actually work from home...