Monday, October 29, 2007

Introducing you all to my craziness...

So. After last night's freak out (which is still continuing, thank you very much - although you all did make me feel a bit better!), I thought I should explain how I got there so quickly. I can remember the point in my life where I'm pretty sure I cursed myself on the fertility front.

Aaron and I had done a bicycle ride from Boston to P-Town (about 120 miles). We slept over that night, and the next morning, one of my girlfriends and I walked to get coffee. I saw someone with a little baby, and she said 'when do you guys think you are going to start trying'? And I said - 'I hope soon - I just have a feeling I'm going to have trouble'. I said that because one of my friends at work was pregnant after missing one BCP. One. I have in the past missed up to 3 pills in a cycle... and also had issues with taking the pill and getting flu. And didn't take other precautions... and didn't get pregnant.

I had no medical reasons to think I was going to have trouble. My mother had no issues. My brothers all have children. Aaron's brothers all have babies. Why would I even say that?

And then, when I really found out that we were going to need help, I was talking to some of my friends who have been through numerous cycles. One of the gals also was 'unexplained', and when I asked how her cycles went, she said that no matter how many drugs they pumped into her, she never responded.

When she said that, I thought, damn... I hope that doesn't happen to me.

So, when I go the call last night that I wasn't responding as they expected, my first thought was that I'd cursed myself again. Which is crazy. Totally crazy. I know it, I'm sure you all will tell me that... but it's what I'm thinking.

I'm going to get some hypnotherapy this afternoon to try and stave off the craziness.


serenity said...

Honestly? I think it's part of the infertility thing - to prepare yourself for the worst so you're not taken by surprise.

I can't offer any assvice about the response - I'm the opposite and am an overresponder (which has its own set of fun, trust me).

BUT. You only have one data point right now. Take it one step at a time for now. Let's see what happens with the NEXT blood draw.

*hug* Hang in there. I hope that the new dose revs those ovaries right up!

Anonymous said...

You are not crazy. You sound perfectly reasonable to me - this is very emotional stuff. I hope the higher dose works.

Deborah said...

whoops, I didn't mean to make that anonymous! Not sure how to fix it.

Geohde said...

Your craziness can go off and have a nice lunch with MY craziness.

How does that sound?

We'd both be better off without them!