Monday, October 29, 2007

Introducing you all to my craziness...

So. After last night's freak out (which is still continuing, thank you very much - although you all did make me feel a bit better!), I thought I should explain how I got there so quickly. I can remember the point in my life where I'm pretty sure I cursed myself on the fertility front.

Aaron and I had done a bicycle ride from Boston to P-Town (about 120 miles). We slept over that night, and the next morning, one of my girlfriends and I walked to get coffee. I saw someone with a little baby, and she said 'when do you guys think you are going to start trying'? And I said - 'I hope soon - I just have a feeling I'm going to have trouble'. I said that because one of my friends at work was pregnant after missing one BCP. One. I have in the past missed up to 3 pills in a cycle... and also had issues with taking the pill and getting flu. And didn't take other precautions... and didn't get pregnant.

I had no medical reasons to think I was going to have trouble. My mother had no issues. My brothers all have children. Aaron's brothers all have babies. Why would I even say that?

And then, when I really found out that we were going to need help, I was talking to some of my friends who have been through numerous cycles. One of the gals also was 'unexplained', and when I asked how her cycles went, she said that no matter how many drugs they pumped into her, she never responded.

When she said that, I thought, damn... I hope that doesn't happen to me.

So, when I go the call last night that I wasn't responding as they expected, my first thought was that I'd cursed myself again. Which is crazy. Totally crazy. I know it, I'm sure you all will tell me that... but it's what I'm thinking.

I'm going to get some hypnotherapy this afternoon to try and stave off the craziness.

4 comments:

serenity said...

Honestly? I think it's part of the infertility thing - to prepare yourself for the worst so you're not taken by surprise.

I can't offer any assvice about the response - I'm the opposite and am an overresponder (which has its own set of fun, trust me).

BUT. You only have one data point right now. Take it one step at a time for now. Let's see what happens with the NEXT blood draw.

*hug* Hang in there. I hope that the new dose revs those ovaries right up!

Anonymous said...

You are not crazy. You sound perfectly reasonable to me - this is very emotional stuff. I hope the higher dose works.

Deborah said...

whoops, I didn't mean to make that anonymous! Not sure how to fix it.

Geohde said...

Your craziness can go off and have a nice lunch with MY craziness.

How does that sound?

We'd both be better off without them!

J