Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A reason, finally

It's high blood pressure. Which is what I was thinking - but when I questioned the nurse on his reading on Friday (it was 160 over something) she said that was normal. Um, ok. Anyway - he finally got to see a neurologist today, and she figured it out, took him off the pain meds and put him on some blood pressure medicine. He looked better by the time his dad brought him home.

When he called me to tell me that the only way the neurologist could see him today was at the ER (she was on call), I was in the middle of an extremely shitty work day. If I left, things would have fallen apart worse then they already were. And I knew that we were in for a day of just sitting there. He went at 11, and didn't get seen until 5. I basically was sitting on mute on conference call crying. Definitely hit the end of my rope. I called Aaron's dad - who only lives about an hour away - and he came to my rescue. He let me have some semblance of order in my life. Aaron told me he was fine there on his won... but I would have been sitting at work worried all day that he was sitting all alone, in pain and scared in the ER. And you can tell in Aaron's face tonight that he is relieved that there is an actual reason for the headaches. But don't get me started on my opinion on how his whole case was handled! His BP was 180 over something the first time we came in, and then 160 the second time... doesn't that raise a red flag? Guess not - give him pain meds and send him home. Grrrrr.

Dealing with the high blood pressure is an issue for another day. Well, that is a lie. It's 1:40 in the morning, and I'm down here typing because I can't sleep because I'm now worried about Aaron's diet and exercise. Heavy Sigh.

The one good thing that came out of today is that after my mini-breakdown at work, my nurse called. She asked me how things were going, and I just started crying again. She got me calmed down, and then transferred me to IVF social worker. What an awesome woman. We talked for about 30 minutes. She let me cry and vent and talk... and obviously that was something I really needed to do. And she gave me the number for someone in my town for Aaron and I to see before the next cycle (and to help deal with this one). She says I haven't had time to grieve - and my first answer was - but it all happened so long ago! And she reminded me that it was less than 3 weeks ago that the shit hit the fan.

Guess time DOESN'T fly when everything is going wrong? Talking to her made me feel better, and honestly, crying felt good. I have wanted to cry this past week, but didn't want to stress Aaron out, or my mother (who is definitely going through her own stuff with her mom dying)... so I've been being 'strong'. Felt good to give that up for at least a little while, you know?

I think I'm going to go try and sleep now....

8 comments:

Samantha said...

I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, and it's been a huge release for me. Just a place where I can talk about me and the issues without worrying what the other person things. She has also really helped me think about things in a different light on occasion. I actually started going to see her when my husband was going through some very needy medical issues of his own. Between that and IVF cycles, I really needed a place to talk.

I'm glad the cause of the headaches has been determined and hope he continues to feel better!

Malloryn said...

I'm happy to hear that they were able to find the source of the headaches. I hope *both* of you start to feel better soon. It's really healthy to be able to talk to someone like that. You have enough on your mind without having to worry about Aaron's health as well.

Morrisa said...

I’m so sorry you are having a rough time. I’m glad that Aaron’s situation is somewhat resolved. We just found out that my dh has high blood pressure too. The doctor put him on meds but I still worry about him. It does feel good to break down and cry every now and then and I think we all need it. Take the time you need to grieve, you deserve it.

sukeyknits said...

Oh hon, so sorry to hear about all the shit that's been thrown your way. You've always been such a strong woman but this is really too much for any super hero. Glad that you're heading down the road of me-time although that can be difficult to figure out and face. Let me know if you ever need anything from me, maybe we can have a girls night/day/time sometime soon, or I can come over and cook if you need. Look forward to seeing you Saturday and know that I'm always with you and there for you - good times and bad.

Deborah said...

I don't know where your RE is now, so maybe you already know about this, but there is a place in Waltham called the Domar Center for Mind-Body Health that has resources for stress etc surrounding women's health (www.domarcenter.com). One of their focuses is infertility. I know your stress is related to other reasons, but I was so relieved to find out about this place, I wanted to share. I'm glad your RE's office has some resources for you, too, though.

Meghan said...

So glad you found a reason for the headaches. And high BP, while you want to get down, it's something that is fixable

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better after talking to someone. A good cry can help so much.

Hope you both continue to feel better!

Jennifer said...

I'm glad you were able to let out your sadness and frustrations with a good cry or two. That's so important! What a great nurse - to check up on you and give you access to a social worker in the clinic.

What a terrible ER - to send your DH home with such high BP...and that being the problem all along. I'd file a serious complaint about that one!!!

((hug))...you need it right now!

Schatzi said...

Thank heavens for your FIL, the IF nurse and the social worker. Glad to hear they have a reason for dh's headaches. I know for me, having someone to talk to has been a big help for me. I hope it is for you, too.