Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Fakin' it till I'm makin' it.

That is my theory. If things are shitty, just pretend that they aren't... and eventually, it'll be true. Well, I've never really needed to fake it for quite this long (well at least not for a very long time). And it's exhausting. My mom was here from Saturday, and we went to a show on Saturday, out shopping on Sunday, had a dinner party on Monday night. Tuesday I couldn't function. I just opened presents and then sat in the living room all day. I felt really bad that I wasn't entertaining her... but I just couldn't do it anymore.

The cleaning ladies came today - giving Aaron and I reason to totally get rid of any signs of Christmas in the house. I feel better now that my living room isn't crowded by a tree that is leaving needles everywhere. I feel like such a scrooge!

I did go for a massage today, and it felt great. But, for at least the next 24 hours I'm allowing myself to just veg out and do NOTHING. I'm tired, still a bit sad, and wanting it to be my turn. I almost wrote 'wanting it to be my turn for the good stuff' and even I'm not that bitter yet. I know I have a better life than most...so I won't go there.

9 comments:

Meghan said...

It is hard to be 'on' and entertaining all the time. Sorry you couldn't just chill over the holiday weekend.

You massage sounds fantastic! And I hope it's both our turns really really soon!

Deborah said...

Hey, don't start comparing yourself to other people and whose life is better. You are hurting right now, and you have every right to be. If it cheers you up to remember the good things in your life, go ahead. But if it makes you feel guilty for complaining, stop it!

Schatzi said...

I'm glad you gave yourself some time to do nothing. Sounds like it was well-deserved and needed. You can only fake it for so long.

Here's hoping it is your turn soon!

Morrisa said...

This is an awful time of year to be going through something difficult and it can be absolutely draining. Take some time for yourself, you deserve it!

maryellenandsteve said...

The holidays are hard after what you have been through. Glad you are giving yourself some much needed down time.

Chris said...

You've got a great plan. You are one smart cookie. Enjoy your day.

Bside- Kenya said...

I'm so jealous..I want a day like that.

Geohde said...

I tend to subscribe to that theory. I'm just not very good at actually following through...

xx

j

Ann said...

I'm just getting myself updated on your blog, and I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I'm right there with you--waiting for my chance at getting what I want, while trying to remember every day just what I already have. On the bright side--once Jan. 2 arrives, all this holiday crap is over and the commercial market stops trying to tell you to be happy.