Monday, June 4, 2007

Do you ever wonder...

I think it's well established that going through infertility is a heck of a lot of 'hurry up and wait'. Since I've just come back from spending the weekend with many old college pals... I've gotten to talk to gals on pretty much all ends of the fertility spectrum. One friend got married and got pregnant all in the same week. Another took about 8 months after they started TTCing, and another pretty much got pregnant with the worst timing possible.

As a watch these different combinations, I wonder what kind of mom I'm going to be? Can I even handle a baby? I think I've been waiting so long, and thinking about being a mom for so long, that it's now an abstract sort of thing. Is it better to just get thrown into motherhood and marriage headlong? Or is has my wait for motherhood gone on too long? I'm finally in that place where many want to wait to get into before having a baby (good career, student loans paid off, low debt, nice house) - would it have been better to have to have made sacrifices for the baby? Will I be able to deal with sleepless nights? Or a little person who seems to only know how to say NO? Or will I be patient enough to sit and play with my little one?

I assume that once I have my own baby in my arms, all will be fine - but this is just another doubt that starts creeping in after all the waiting. After all this waiting - will I even be a good mother?!


Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I constantly wonder the same thing. I am sure that you will be fine though. xx

k2 said...

IMO, once you have the baby (or babies) in your arms is when you really, really start wondering if you'll be any good a this mom thing. And I promise you'll be terrific at it.

No one ever has enough stamina, or enough patience, or enough sleep. And by the time you think you've figured out what you're doing all the rules change... but I'm willing to bet that you'll amaze yourself with what you'll be able to be and how much you'll enjoy it.