Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Fat Girl and Weekly update.

OK. One thing that was mentioned multiple times in the comments was along the lines of I'm too fat and/or not good/strong enough to try yoga. I'm going to tell you a short version of my life story, and hopefully it will change some of your opinions on what you need to look like to go to the gym.

Childhood years: Mom send me to Weight Watchers when I was 12. I was a national level swimmer, working out 2 -4 hours a day, and my calorie intakes was at about 1200 cals a day. (that is insanely low, for those of you that aren't obsessed with weight). If my mom left me home alone? I would cook myself rice or pasta because I was SO hungry. I really think she was doing what she felt was best, as she was chubby in high school and got called Hippo Hips (kids are awesome, no?). Even with all this work, I was still about a size 12 - 14.

College: First time I was really allowed to eat whatever I wanted. But was still swimming (and now that I was in college, was working out 5 -6 hours a day with the swim team). I didn't gain much weight, but was a size 14 - 16.

Out of college: Worked a consulting firm about 90 - 100 hours a week for 2 straight years. Gained weight, stopped working out, and was up to a size 16 - 18.

Shitty 3 month period: I fell in love with a bad man. I realized my mistake and left him. He stalked me and threatened to kill me. I lost 60 pounds. My mom wouldn't stop taking pictures of me. Got down to a size 12.

Move to Boston area: Got a new job, was working out regularly, did gain back about 50 pounds, but was doing triathlons. Even completed an Ironman. Was about a size 16 - 18.

Got Married: Now living the American Dream. Got good job, got married, bought a house....didn't get pregnant. Got sad. Stopped working out. Gained weight. Weighed more than I ever have. Up to a size 24!

Got ass in gear: I forced myself to go to the gym. This was really hard. I felt I was too fat. I felt that people would stare. It was the exact opposite. I started doing power yoga, and the people there were so supportive. And I started walking. I could barely make it a mile. My lower back hurt when I walked because I had spend so much time on my ass, my back muscles were THAT WEAK. I slowly walked more. And went to yoga more (at the most, 3 times a week). I felt great. I lost 25 pounds, I did the Breast Cancer Three day (and I walked every single one of those 60 miles), and felt wonderful again. Down to a size 22 (a loose 22 - the 24s were actually TIGHT before)

Last year: Had the ectopic. Gained back 10 pounds. Had doc tell me a needed to lose 20 pounds to get to do IVF. Ass gets kicked back in gear. Now, I'm down 33 pounds from when I started losing weight last April, and am wearing a loose size 20.

So - as you can see, it's been a lifetime struggle. I'm still the fat girl in the yoga class. And I don't care. I look this way, but I am strong. And I have been even bigger, have been very weak! Stepping into that yoga class for the first time 15 months ago was tough, I'll admit it. But I forced myself to do it, and it was one of the best things I've done for myself in a while. We are all at different point in our life and our fitness journey's. No one is judging you! (or if they are, they are assholes). If you go to the gym, and you don't like to see what you look like in workout clothes - don't look in the mirror! I don't have full length mirrors at my house for this exact reason. In yoga class, if the room has a mirror - stare at yourself in the eyes. That is what I do. It not only makes to stop obsessing about the flab on your belly, but helps in the balancing postures.

: )

OK - I'm off my soapbox now. Here is my progress for the week:

Yoga: 4 times
Walked: 6 times (4 three mile walks, two 6.5 mile walks)
Weight: stayed the same (so still .5 pounds to go - but I wasn't as careful with my sodium this week - so I'm really happy I maintained 4 pound weight loss from last week!)


Stacie said...

You may be "fat" but you are in a heck of a lot better shape than I am. Health isn't all about weight. Some people are healthy at a larger size.

serenity said...

You GO girl.

Samantha said...

Wow, what a story! I think Stacie is right, regardless of your weight, you are doing a great job being healthy and active right now.

Chris said...

You are awesome, and quite the inspiration. 'Nuff said!

mamacate said...

I'm so sorry for teenage you who had to go hungry. ARGH!

You do an amazing amount and have always been an athlete, it seems. I'm assuming you've talked to docs about this. Yes, large frame, all that, but given how diligent you are about exercise and controlling what you eat, and how hard weight loss is for you (coupled with unexplained IF), has someone really competent (hard to come by) investigated the possibility of a hormonal cause for these things? I hate how hard this is, and I know that my life changed when I got diagnosed with thyroid dysfunction (not before having a miscarriage after the lab report of my thyroid function was misinterpreted during my IF workup). I know you're okay in that quarter, but could something else be going on?

May said...

That is a truly inspirational story. Thank you for sharing it (parents, oy vey...)

I think I might start exercising more. Really. I feel all inspired and everything.

Nearlydawn said...

I have been on the same basic roller coaster all my life too. You are certainly working hard, striving for what you really want in life.

Being "fat" is very hard, but you are not letting it get you down. You go, Chickie!

Changing Expectations said...

You are in inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story. Good for you.

Bean said...

Wow -- I'm so impressed with your dedication and work out schedule. It's been over 3 years since I've worked out on a regular basis. Not only does it show, but I can really feel how out of shape I am. Congrats!

Thanks for stopping by. My test is schedule for June 28. For some reason I have not been tempted by the home pregnancy tests. Not sure why -- certainly would break the fall of a BFN, but in my first 3 cycles I waited to get the call from my RE's office and I'm sure I'll do the same this time. So, a week from tomorrow is the big day.
When will you test?
Good luck!

Geohde said...

I think if people have the callousness to label *anybody* based upon physical appearance it is damn unfortunate. You are so more than the 'fat' anything. Labels hurt.

Karen said...

Cece, you have about the healthiest outlook you could possibly have. It's not about size or anything. It's about doing what you can to be healthy and stay healthy and you are doing it. You are truly inspirational.

Thanks for popping by my blog. I so love the commentathon!

Dianne/Flutter said...

I love YOGA! So understand and totally wish that I could do it 4X a week.

Seriously, your story is VERY inspiring and like Serenity said "You GO girl."

hapagirl said...

You are awesome, just the way you are! Funny how parents can be callous, when they are trying to be well meaning (In my case it was my dad who kept focusing on how great I looked after a bout with mono--got down to a size 6 and felt like crap).
Keep doing what you are doing--strong and healthy at any size beats skinny and weak any day!