Not joking

When I said I could eat the whole house yesterday, including the dogs, I really wasn't kidding! Well, maybe the part about eating the dogs - they are kind of bony. I have never been this hungry ever. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who had twins yesterday, and she said she gained a total of 18 pounds in her twin pregnancy, and she would eat a 1/2 of a cheesecake a day.

If that is true, sign me up! Although I'm not sure I could eat that much cheesecake, truth be told. But brownies? I could do that with brownies.

Last night, I made tasty chicken burritos for dinner. 3 really big ones, thinking that the 3rd could be my lunch today. Aaron was at soccer when they came out of the oven. I ate one. Some time passed. Aaron still wasn't home. So I ate the second, figuring I would make something different for lunch. When he came home - I showed him where his dinner was, and was digging through the frig. He said if I was still hungry, I could have HIS burrito. And I totally ate it. I ate the equivalent of dinner for 3 last night.

Sigh. Tonight I'm going and getting a massage, and leaving Aaron to pick up Hulk, and do dinner and bedtime. I've done it on my own the past two nights (while on that STUPID phone call I was venting about on Monday) so although I'm sad I'm miss bedtime, it's a needed break.

Wordless Wednesday - So Hungry

I could eat the entire house right now. Including the dogs.

Awesome

My work has SUCKED the past 2 weeks. I have a meeting every night a 5 PM for my project which is going horribly, horribly wrong (not my team's fault, but you know, shit rolls downhill, right?). That meeting makes everything awful about the evening. I either have to leave work before the meeting, get Hulk and then dial in from home. This is a Big Wig meeting, so then I have to pray that he doesn't have a meltdown when I'm trying to talk. OR. Aaron has to get him and that gets tricky with him coaching soccer at 5:30 three times a week. So I still need to be home, or he needs to not go to practice. If I don't make it home, I usually miss bedtime.

Anyway. Last night, I got Hulk early, and he was happily passed out on the floor of the living room. Aaron was stopping for wipes (we were out ) and other assorted things at the grocery store. I was text messaging him and he wasn't replying... and I was a little annoyed. He finally wrote back 'Huh?' and I thought he was teasing me, because I see him drive down the driveway. Hulk had a pooplosion (defined as an explosion of poop) and I had no wipes... so I was tapping my foot while on mute with the big wigs. He FINALLY comes upstairs (he was on a call for soccer, which just set me off last night for whatever reason - pregnant much?). He is acting clueless - like I hadn't text messaged him all day.

I was livid! I stormed away (after punching him on the arm? WTF was that about?) and my phone beeps with a text message. I was texting my friend Amanda and NOT Aaron. Jesus.

I swear, this project is ruining my life.

Anyway - while Aaron was hiding upstairs from the Crazy Pregnant Lady, Hulk rolled over for the first time! He was pretty proud of himself, but didn't do it again for me. Sigh.

I'm in the office today - meeting with the Big Wigs in person. Note to self. Do not try to feed son new food (squash) AFTER getting dressed for work. I have little bits of dried up squash all over my shirt - because we were NOT fans of squash. At all. Want to torture Hulk? Try to get him to eat squash. That was an awesome way to start the day, let me tell you.

Midly freaking out. And whining. Lots of whining.

OK. I know I've been saying, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And in all honesty - this whole pregnancy IS a blessing and I'm excited, etc.

BUT. (and I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I'm not).

I just went through this whole pregnancy thing a year ago. I'm hungry, but then can't eat. I'm moody. And I swear - I'm already showing. I'm tired. SO tired. And it is a lot harder to just sit and relax with Hulk in the picture! I want to play with him and take him for walks and just hang out with him. We ran all around town Saturday morning doing errands, watched Aaron's soccer game (it was hothothothothot) and then went swimming again. Hulk was just as tired as we were, and passed out Saturday night.

Sunday morning, he was up for the day at 6 AM. We fed him his breakfast, and then I totally spaced that he would be hungry an hour later for a bottle. He was FLIPPING out, crying so hard his veins were popping out, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. Finally! I realize that he wants a bottle!

At which point the freaking out began. Besides being super tired, being pregnant makes me a space cadet. I worry that poor Hulk isn't going to get to play as much with his mumma because I'm SO tired... and then I go and let him get so hungry that he's inconsolable? I felt awful. And then I got to thinking - what is my life really going to be like in 8 months? Hulk was an awesome baby (after we got over the whole breastfeeding thing) what are these new little guys going to be like? What the heck are we going to do for childcare? Who in their right mind will take care of 3 babies? And how on earth are we going to afford it all?

I know that Aaron and I can handle it (physically, emotionally AND financially). As things become more real - I'm getting a bit overwhelmed. And I don't think that is a bad thing. But, overwhelmed nonetheless.

HEARTBEATS!

Twin A = 133 bpm
Twin B = 113 bpm

I'll update with a picture when Aaron gets home.

Continuing to not freak out

Deep Breath. Ultrasound is less than 6 hours away. I have no reason to think that all is not fine.

To make myself laugh, I took a picture of Hulk with his new sunglasses on.

He was not amused.

Starting to feel pregnant, and my son is AWESOME

First, let's talk about Hulk. He's been taking to solids really well. I've been working later than usual and on Tuesday night, I didn't get home in time to do anything with him except take him from Aaron after his bottle and place him in bed. It sucked. So - in the morning, I decided to take a few extra minutes and feed him breakfast. Then, I figured, what the heck, and asked daycare to feed him around lunch time. When he got home last night, I fed him AGAIN (so 3 meals plus about 32 oz of formula total for the day). He was fussy. Even though it was only 6 PM, I took him upstairs for bath and a bottle.

He went to bed at 6:30. He woke up this morning at 4:30. That is TEN HOURS people! TEN HOURS! And Aaron got up with him, and put him back to bed after a bottle. He fussed a little, so after Aaron's shower, he came into bed to cuddle with me until it was time for him to go to school.

I went to bed at 9 PM, both because I was tired, and I was anticipating getting up in the middle of the night with Hulk since he went to bed so early. So - I got 7 hours of sleep in a row!!!!!!

And I really needed it. I'm officially starting to feel pregnant this morning. I was getting nervous, because my symptoms were pretty mild. No longer. This morning, I made the mistake of taking my prenatal vitamin with nothing in my stomach... and I've felt like hurling all morning. It sucks. But at the same time, makes me less nervous for tomorrow. 2:20 in the afternoon, I should be looking at two beating hearts! Think good thoughts for us!

ICLW week!

Well - this is a good week for us to have ICLW, at least for me. If you are new here a quick history of us:

2005 - made the decision to go off birth control. Aaron was nervous, because we really wanted to wait 2 years after we got married to have children. I explained that they take about 9 months to grow - so we were right on track.
2006 - start seeing an RE
Oct 2006 - Have an ectopic
August 2007 - Switch REs because mine is a fat-phobe and an ass. Love the new one.
Oct 2007 - Start first IVF cycle
Nov 2007 - Pregnant! Low HCG and spotting
Dec 2007 - Miscarriage
March 2008 - second IVF cycle
Dec 2008 - Welcome Hulk into the world!!!

And the new kicker....
April 2009 - find out pregnant with fraternal twins. Naturally.

Besides the quick history, I'm happy to report that Hulk slept like a total champ last night. He went to bed at 7 - got up at 3 for a quick bottle, and then slept again until 6:30. What a rock star. I'm hoping that the sleep issues are resolved!

I'm starting to stress on an off about the u/s on Friday. I have this gut feeling that everything is fine... but I've really left myself wide open. I'm SO excited for this pregnancy and the idea of twins and the chaos that my life will be when I have 3 babies under the age of one.... I'm not sure how I will handle a disappointment. I have to keep on remembering, if it is meant to be, it's meant to be, right?

Back to my Main Man

This weekend was a big one for Hulk. We had loads of visitors (his Grandmother, Great-grandmother, and 3 great uncles, and 2 great aunts). He did pretty well being passed around - and charmed everyone with his smiles.

But Saturday! I took him swimming for the first time. I won't say he loved it - but he didn't hate it. The water was a little cold, and there were so many things to look at... other kids and lights and crazy loud noises. I even did the one two three DUNK and put him under water.... he wasn't upset... but wasn't exactly smiling either. The big thing that I learned in the swim class was when you want to put him under water, blow in his face... it makes him close his eyes and close his mouth. I don't think I'm going to pay the big bucks to take the baby swim class... but I will keep taking him into the water and making it fun.

The other big news is that we started solids this weekend. Hulk took to it like a champ. We had tried one other time to start rice cereal, and he hated it. I got some advice from a few mothers to mix in applesauce with the rice cereal.... and he LOVED it. So now, he is eating 2 meals a day! And, he is back to only waking up once at night. Hurrah!

The reactions

First, let me tell you about the ultrasound.

Aaron and I met there from our different work locations - and then we were going to go our separate ways after that. Last time we did that for an u/s, it was ectopic - and I was too big of a mess to drive. I was a little nervous with that plan, but said my mantra 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be' and went with it. After the u/s - I was to go to pick up Hulk and then Aaron's mom, and we were going to meet up again at the soccer field to watch his game.

Aaron was a little late - but no big deal because I had to fill out some paperwork. We go into the room, and joked a little bit with the lady because she remembered us from the u/s with Hulk. She starts the scan, and asks me how far along I think I am - and I say 'Maybe 6 weeks?'. And she says it's looking more like 5w5d.... so it's too early to see a heartbeat - so the doc will probably have us come back in a week. And then Aaron chimes in:

"What does it mean that there are two circle on the screen?"

"That means you have fraternal twins"

Aaron just kind of started shaking his head... and I started laughing. Really - what do you say to that bit of information? It's exciting, scary, unbelievable... life changing!

So. They did that first u/s based on my hcg levels, which were obviously really high because it was twins and not because I was further along. I'm not too worried about what is going on in there.... and we go back on Friday for the u/s where we should see heartbeats.

The funnier thing is all the different reactions.

My mother? Total silence for about 2 minutes on the phone. Then she just kept saying "oh my god oh my god" over and over again.
My mother in law just laughed and said we needed a mini van now (which is kind of true, sadly. I welcome advice as to another vehicle that can fit 2 large dogs and three cars seats).
My friends? They either burst out with "Oh My God!" Or say "Holy Shit!!!" (which is kind of what I'm still going between).

In church, we have a 'time to share joy and sorrows'. You go up, light a candle for your joy, and tell everyone what it is. I went up and lit 2 candles and said:

I think you all know my family, Aaron and my 4 month old son Hulk. We have a little joy and a panic to share today - I'm pregnant.
BIG INHALATION from the congregation. I waited for the noise to die down.
Notice that the number of candles that I lit - it's twins! And they are due around Hulk's first birthday.
Laughter.

Hulk had a pretty great weekend - but this is already pretty long - so tomorrow we'll go back to talking about my little man!

Now that we've had time to process it...

I'll post the u/s photo and leave it to you gals to guess what you are looking at:

Hint - on Friday - we are looking for heartbeatS.

Measuring 5w5d

So! Good news - we know it's not ectopic. But - I thought I was 6w4d, and I'm measuring 5w5d - of course it isn't like my cycles were regular yet... and I have no clue as to when I ovulated. We go back next Friday when we should see a heartbeat!

One hurdle over, one to go!

The other thing is - I'm not 100% remember when CD1 was either... maybe the 1st, maybe the 7th? I really wasn't paying attention. You know, because I wasn't thinking I could get pregnant on my own?!?

TGIF, kind of

I'm glad it's Friday - this work week has been a bit insane, and the lack of sleep thanks to Hulk... I'm looking forward to the possibility of a restful weekend. One thing I'm guaranteed with my MIL visiting is that she'll spend a lot of time holding Hulk and playing with him... assuming he doesn't freak out from overstimulation, it should work in my favor to be able to sit and relax a bit.

This afternoon is the u/s - I find myself thinking of it and then letting it just float out of my consciousness. I wonder for a moment what my reaction is going to be to the different outcomes we may have -but then just not thinking about it. I hope all is fine. I feel good. There has been no spotting. I'm having the same early symptoms that I had with Hulk (very tired, small bit of heartburn). I think that this u/s will both make me feel good (please!) and make things seem all the more real. Because right now, it's kind of like this weird deja vu existence - as every milestone is pretty much on the exact same day as with Hulk. It's crazy.

I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to post - as I'm going straight from the u/s to pick up Hulk at daycare, and then to meet my MIL at the house - at which point we are turning around to go to watch Aaron coach a soccer game. But everyone think good thoughts for us, OK?

Here we go.

Lots of things coming up in the next few days. Friday afternoon is the u/s to see the heartbeat (please be there, little guy!). I'm feeling good about it - not anywhere near as freaking out as I was with Hulk's.... but it's not until tomorrow afternoon. I have plenty of time to freak out between now and then. I keep reminding myself that a huge percentage of the world gets pregnant and just has babies. They don't have beta tests and early u/s... and this time, I need to remember I'm just 'normal'.

Deep breath.

Add into this weekend a MIL visit. Now that we have Hulk, and Aaron's birthday was on Monday, we really thought she was coming to just visit us. And - when we found out I was pregnant again, we were thinking that it would be fun to have Aaron's mom be the first to know, since she would be visiting and everything. She called on Monday to plan her visit, and she said that she would like the 3 of us to go down with dinner to where my FIL is staying and have a little 'party' with his family (who is coming from Chicago for the FIRST TIME SINCE HIS STROKE, but don't get me started on that) - like she is the hostess or something. This was also the first we heard of anyone coming to see my FIL too - which is weird, considering you'd think they'd maybe want to see some of us too? Whatever.

Aaron's parents got divorced over 7 years ago in a very ugly divorce. They only saw each others at our weddings (Aaron and his 2 brothers got married in the last 7 years). Besides that, no communication, nothing. As a matter of fact, my MIL would speak often of how horrible it was to be married to Aaron's father and how mean his family was too her. When my FIL had the stroke in October - she was there at his bedside in the ICU holding his hand. And she has been visiting and trying to get all his medical information ever since. Understandably - this upsets Aaron - mostly because he feels she just left his father, and now he can't get his arms around why she is so involved now that he is sick.

Aaron put his foot down and told his mother that he'd already told her her felt very uncomfortable with the fact that she visits his father at all, and he certainly wouldn't go with her to see him. I anticipate several attempts this weekend trying to get us to go with her to visit them. And we have made a pact that we won't get angry, but we will say - 'We've told you before we don't feel comfortable visiting Aaron's father with you. You have a car, and we aren't stopping you from going yourself'.

It's just really disappointing to me that she couldn't just come to visit us. When she planned the visit, both Aaron and I were impressed that she was coming off island just to see us, and not the usual 'stop by on my way to CT' thing that she usually does. I feel bad for Aaron, because I'm sure it hurts his feelings too.

Wordless Wednesday - We like treats

Sleep. Or Lack thereof.

So. Hulk hasn't been sleeping well for the last week or so. Understandably - as he has this awful cold that makes him rather sad. Last Thursday night, we started just letting him sleep in the swing all night. He was upright, and would make it 3 - 4 hours in the swing. On Sunday night, he slept almost 8 hours straight! But in the swing.

His cold/RSV is significantly better, so last night I decided to suck it up (knowing full well he would be waking up a lot all night) and put him in the crib (we did stick a few books under his head, so he wasn't all the way flat). Well. He slept from 10 - 12. Then got up at 1, 2, 2:15, 2:45, 3 and 4:15 (at which point Aaron gave him a bottle) and then he slept again until 7:30. I did most of the 're-binking' as I like to call it - because it was Aaron's birthday - plus - I tend to need to pee anyway. Man. I hope he gets back to loving the crib!

I longingly remember this point in my pregnancy with Hulk. I would go to bed at 7 or 8... sleep until 7 or 8 in the morning... HA! Now - I can't differentiate between exhaustion from baby-tending or baby-growing! Not complaining though.

More than doubled and it's Aaron's Birthday!

Got the call this morning - I went from 524 on Friday to 1330 on Sunday. WOOT! Next step is an u/s on Friday at 3:40 to see the heartbeat.

Today is Aaron's 36th birthday - we've kind of been celebrating all weekend. On Thursday, his gift arrived - I got him a brush guard for his truck. You know, because he is always out 4 wheeling in the woods!? Not. He is joking around that he is compensating for something - but I have to admit - it does look really nice on the truck. He has been talking about getting one of these for ages, and I kept telling him how ridiculous it would be to get one... always thinking that I would get it for either his birthday or Christmas. And it was kind of the gift that kept giving - because he got to install it (working on cars is lots of fun for Aaron), and his best friend came out to do that with him this weekend. So he had a blast.

Sunday, I set up a babysitter for Hulk, and we went to the movies together for the first time since the big guy was born. I've been so out of it, I didn't really notice that there was barely anything to see. Aaron picked the new Fast and Furious movie, which wasn't all that bad. It had a bunch of action and was nice and entertaining, at least. We stuffed ourselves with movie popcorn and finished out the night at Olive Garden. Man. Do we know how to party. LOL.

Well.

All your comments over the past 2 days have really brought a smile to my face - especially the ones that say "Wow! I really wasn't expecting this!". Like I was!?!? I'm definitely still in shock - but I'm happy and excited all at the same time.

This has been a crazy week! On top of all the pregnancy excitement, Hulk has RSV. It's basically just a bad cold - and he does still have smiles for us. But he has a bad cough and on Friday started wheezing. So, I'm in the doctor's office, getting the scoop from the doc on how to handle his symptoms, when the phone rings with my HCG results. I felt bad, because I cut off the nurse - but she was giving me my progesterone levels (15.4 - they would like them over 20 - but I'm not worried because I've had low progesterone historically. I'm happy that it is over 12) and explaining to me about how they wouldn't force me to do the supplement, but they suggest it blah blah blah blah - and I was like - I want to do it. Please fax the RX for me - I gotta go, I'm in the doctor's office with my son.

I guess she didn't realize she was talking to a woman who has done PIO shots, gel, and suppositories. Now I'm doing pills. Hey - at least I can say I've done it all, right? I have to say - the pills are the easiest of anything I've dealt with.

I'm to keep going for betas until my level is over 2000 - so on Sunday I need to go again. But I feel great. Of course, I was just getting back into going to the gym and starting to reclaim my body. Ha. Oh. And coffee, of how I will miss you! I had finally found a place to buy my favorite coffee in the entire world - Organic Love Buzz. When we lived in Jamaica Plain, there was a bakery that I would stop at every morning and get a cup... but since I moved out to the 'burbs, I hadn't had any luck finding it. Just last week I found a place that sells it.

If that is my big sacrifice for this pregnancy, I can handle it.

Doubled!

524!

OMG.

I am the IF Urban Legand

Remember in yesterday's past when I said that you gals will help 'keep me sane in the future when new and crazy things come my way'. This is what I was referring to.

My period was late this month. I didn't think much of it - but after a week - Aaron and I were at the grocery store and decided to buy a HPT. On Wednesday morning, I figured, what the heck, and took the test.

Because, seriously, what were the odds? It took me 4 years to bring Hulk into the world. I was probably just late because things hadn't settled down yet.

Aaron didn't want me to blog about it before the u/s - because we were in total shock. Total. Shock. The due date is 12/6 (Hulk was born on 12/5). The daycare costs alone are staggering - no matter just the fact that I. Am. Pregnant.

I called the doc (the receptionist remembered who I was and chuckled a little) and got blood work done. My first HCG was 248 - so I need to repeat it today. We are scared that we are going to have a heartbreak again (either it's ectopic or maybe a miscarriage) so I'd love as many good thoughts as you can all provide for doubling today.... and hopefully Aaron forgives me for posting this - I just need a little bloggy love!

I'm going in at 11 to get my blood drawn, and will know by 4 what the results are.

Sock It To Me

Well! I participated in the Sock It To Me exchange, and the point was to give someone a nice pair of socks to help them feel warn and fuzzy, and in turn give someone else a pair of socks, and then (quoting directly from the Sock Lady in Charge "post a picture of your socks (worn or not worn) with a link back to the blogger who sent them to you. The topic of your post should be about what the support of this community means to you and how it has helped and is helping you. It's a week for warm and fuzzies. Like ummm...the socks. ".

Well here is the WONDERFUL socks that Katie sent me! Gals - they are CASHMERE. They are on my feet now and are totally awesome.

As for what this IF community means to me - it means a lot. When I was totally freaking out about treatments, u/s, miscarriages, MORE u/s, MORE treatments and then onto pregnancy and delivery and newborns - you were all here for me. With a big cheer for the good times and virtual hugs for the bad times. As not too many of my friends have gone though all this infertility crap - it is so nice to have a little support team in the computer for whenever I need it. And I thank you all for that -I'm sure it has helped keep me sane. And will keep me sane in the future when new and crazy things come my way.

The weekend

Honestly, the weekend was great. Both Hulk and I have a cold (AGAIN) but Saturday was a beautiful day, and we want out for breakfast, had a nice walk.... and then people starting arriving, and things got hectic.

I think the reason it was a hard weekend is the people who came. My mother has been living on her own since I went to college - and had been divorced for 15 years before I went to college. I really think that basically living alone for 30 years has made her lose any social skills she may have had. She rolls her eyes VISIBLY whenever anyone says something she doesn't agree with. And Aaron's mother - she is just plain mean. I don't even know how to talk to her - but thankfully - we now have Hulk, and she just dotes on him. So I not really required to converse with her. Add into the mix my mother's boxer which is a completely untrained dog... and it was a rough weekend. I was SO happy to be done with all the visitors.

But the important part? The ceremony? It was wonderful. Hulk just hung out in my arms, and looked around the church. I cried through pretty much the whole thing... We had us, the grandmothers, his great aunt, and the godparents all standing up in the front of the church - and many people commented afterwards how wonderful it was to see so many people standing up in support of my little guy (see, I'm crying again, god damn it).

Go Sox!

Even though today isn't officially opening day any more (the game is already moved to tomorrow due to expected heavy rains) Hulk is super excited about it!

Involuntarily Busy Weekend

This weekend, we are having Hulk dedicated at our church. In my mind, it was something intimate. Something for just me, his godparents, and maybe my mother who is super churchy and just excited that we are going to ANY church (disregarding the fact that deep down I bet she considers UUers heretics). I ended up inviting one other friend, and mentioned to my Aunt (who lives 1/2 mile from the church) that she was welcome to come if she wanted.

Now it's turning into a thing. Aaron's mom (who is not religious at all) is coming and staying with Aaron's aunt. When I called her, she asked if I was also inviting Aaron's brother (Also not religious and who lives about 90 minutes away). There is the potential for a 14 person brunch at my house on Sunday now! Damn. It.

On Saturday, one of my quilts is being auctioned off at a charity auction. I really want to go to see how it does. I also volunteered to make chili (it's a Wild West theme, Hulk has little cowboy boot socks to wear - too sweet). I really didn't take into account that people would want to stay with us the night before the ceremony. Well, my mom is arriving on Saturday night with her dog. I called Hulk's godfather, and he was planning on arriving Saturday night also. With his girlfriend. I may be dragging 5 people with me to this auction (and of course making some sort of decent dinner beforehand). And then there are going to be 5 adults and 3 dogs sleeping in this house on Saturday night. I'm considering running away. Unless maybe one of those 3 guests get up with Hulk at his 4 AM wake up? That would be super nice.

Oh. And - to report on the sleeping crisis. The old schedule was to get home from day care, feed him his bottle, play for a little, and then let him nap in the swing until Aaron and I wanted to go to bed. Then, we would wake him up, do a bath, bottle and then he would go to bed. Yesterday, we decided to try to just put him to bed after that first bottle, but make it a bigger, 8 oz bottle. So, Hulk was in bed by 7:30 last night, and then stayed asleep until almost 4 AM! It was great. Aaron got up with him (just call my hubby Superman) and he (Hulk, not Aaron) went back to sleep until 7:15. Hurrah!