Monday, April 27, 2009

Midly freaking out. And whining. Lots of whining.

OK. I know I've been saying, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And in all honesty - this whole pregnancy IS a blessing and I'm excited, etc.

BUT. (and I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I'm not).

I just went through this whole pregnancy thing a year ago. I'm hungry, but then can't eat. I'm moody. And I swear - I'm already showing. I'm tired. SO tired. And it is a lot harder to just sit and relax with Hulk in the picture! I want to play with him and take him for walks and just hang out with him. We ran all around town Saturday morning doing errands, watched Aaron's soccer game (it was hothothothothot) and then went swimming again. Hulk was just as tired as we were, and passed out Saturday night.

Sunday morning, he was up for the day at 6 AM. We fed him his breakfast, and then I totally spaced that he would be hungry an hour later for a bottle. He was FLIPPING out, crying so hard his veins were popping out, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. Finally! I realize that he wants a bottle!

At which point the freaking out began. Besides being super tired, being pregnant makes me a space cadet. I worry that poor Hulk isn't going to get to play as much with his mumma because I'm SO tired... and then I go and let him get so hungry that he's inconsolable? I felt awful. And then I got to thinking - what is my life really going to be like in 8 months? Hulk was an awesome baby (after we got over the whole breastfeeding thing) what are these new little guys going to be like? What the heck are we going to do for childcare? Who in their right mind will take care of 3 babies? And how on earth are we going to afford it all?

I know that Aaron and I can handle it (physically, emotionally AND financially). As things become more real - I'm getting a bit overwhelmed. And I don't think that is a bad thing. But, overwhelmed nonetheless.

12 comments:

Carrie27 said...

Like so many told me before, it will all work out. And you know what, they were right. I freaked out about many of the same things. My daughter was just learning to walk, and much more active. Then, my big, hugely pregnant self had to be put on modified bedrest. Now, though, we are all running around the house playing hard.

Becky said...

Just remember the 2nd trimester is usually better than the first one, so you'll feel a lot better then and will be able to play more with hulk.

In a few years you'll look back on all this and laugh, and think 'how the hell did i get through that?', then you'll laugh!

Just keep thinking about those beautiful little babies in you, just growing every day and floating in their warm baths!

Beautiful Mess said...

You're doing a GREAT job! Just like Carrie and Becky said, you'll get done what needs to be done when the time comes. We all have so much faith in you. Give yourself a little break. You are a great mom and Hulk is very luck to have you! The new ones are just as lucky to have you as their mom, as well.
*HUGS*

SS said...

I can totally understand why you're stressed out. We have just one on the way (though it's still very very early), and though we did actively try to get pregnant, we never ever expected it would happen so soon (if at all without ART). I just thought there'd be a little more space between my two and we'd have a little more time to be a family of three. Having two on the way, and having the pregnancies much closer together, I can imagine the stress you are feeling.

My pregnancy is such A GIFT that I feel ungrateful even mentioning this. (and most of the time I am just plain thrilled.) But I thought it might make you feel better, that even someone who has just another singleton on the way, and with more space between pregnancies, is feeling a little like this. of course it will all be okay, but you wouldn't be human if you weren't a little bit overwhelmed by it all.

Jen said...

Being pregnant is so hard and having a small baby is so hard. It will require a lot of whining and freaking out to get through both at once.

Deborah said...

I didn't know what to tell you, and then I read Jen's comment, and I think that's just it. You whine, and you freak out, and then you just get on with it. Hulk will be okay. Can he play independently? Like put him on a mat or a jumper or exersaucer or whatever, and you just lie next to him and don't do much. My son likes that (and I have no excuse for not joining in).

serenity said...

*hug*

K @ ourboxofrain said...

It is a lot to think about, and I think it would overwhelm any normal person. Frankly, I'd be more worried if you *weren't* feeling a little freaked out :) Any whining is much deserved.

All that said, as everyone else has said, you'll figure it all out as you go along. And a few years from now you'll look back and think "I can't believe we got through that -- and look what an awesome family we are."

Lucia said...

You are perfectly normal. A former coworker of mine has two daughters 13 months apart (a somewhat similar story to yours, only she lost four or five pregnancies early before finally conceiving and carrying to term naturally, but she had no earthly clue she would have another successful pregnancy so quickly), and when I was six weeks or so along with Miss B and Taz was 17 months old and I was barely coping with meeting our basic needs, I asked her how on earth I was going to cope with two since I was already getting nothing done. Whereupon she bequeathed to me a priceless piece of wisdom: "You can't get less than nothing done," she said. And it is really OK to get nothing done, and even to space on basic child care now and then (I could tell you stories...) as long as you don't keep it up indefinitely.

You will be fine, and life will be totally crazed and you will be tired all the time until one day they all start to entertain each other. It will happen.

La La said...

HOLY CRAP! How did I miss that you are having TWINS!

Ok, breathe....we are in the same boat, just reversed (I had twins via IVF 7 months ago, now pregant on my own with one). You (we) can do this! lol

Honestly, twins are NOT bad. I freaked when I thought about brining twins home, but it was really not bad. It's a bit rougher the first few weeks when they wake up every few hours, but after that it's really nice and you get used to caring for two at once.

Oh, and I highly recommend the message boards at www.twinsmagazine.com

amysue said...

Keep venting when you have to and it will work out. There are many different childcare options that could work and you have some time before you need to think through any of that.

Right now? Enjoy the warmer weather with hulk when you can and don't be too hard on yourself.

Celia said...

While I don't have any children, I did work in day care for seven years. You can Totally take care of three at once as long as you are organized.

If you go to a day care center you should be able to get a multiple child discount as well.

You will do a great job!