The year that defies description

I can't decide what to say about this year. Even if I only base it on this last month. Was it a shitty year? No. Was it the best year of my life... no. But it was amazing. Maybe that is the way to describe it - amazing. I had a full year with Hulk, how continues to astonish me daily. Like yesterday? The baby who barely eats any adult food? Turns out he loves lasagna. That cracked me up.

I was pregnant with twins for a huge portion of the year - which was amazing that it even happened to begin with, and then Aaron and I spent the year preparing for what life would be like with three children under the age of one. I was sick of being pregnant (would I have believed I would even write that 3 years ago?), scared for life with 3 babies, excited to meet them... overjoyed I didn't have to do IVF again.

Work was decent... no big crisis, but I found after coming back from maternity leave that I was really needed, and I did actually love my job - which was a decent revelation to make.

Then the girls were born! To finally meet them and hold was wonderful. To spend 5 days with them in the hospital was perfect. Taking them home was a bit stressful, but we were dealing. And then all hell broke loose less than 48 hours later. And then this month has been a really hard mix of joy with Hulk and Maggie, and shock and sadness over the loss of Nora.

Would I want this year to not have happened? No. Would I have changed a few things - hell yes! But I certainly don't wish this year away - and I can't even say that I wish 2010 is better - because if you try to look at the whole year - there is a lot of wonderful things that happened. That won't ever happen again. And the horrible things, we can pray they don't happen again - but they are part of life.

But I will say that I hope 2010 is a bit less eventful. How is that?

Happy New Year. We will be spending it eating food dropped off by caring friends and waking up every 3 hours with a super fussy baby that has us both wrapped around her little finger.

One month check up

Well, little Maggie went for her one month check up - she is up to 8 lbs 14 oz! Way to go, girl! And she is checking out great in other ways too. I talked to the doc (who I just love love love by the way) about her crying. Have I even talked about that on the blog yet? She cries inconsolably for about 20 minutes at a stretch. It's pretty awful, because no matter what we do, nothing calms her down until she passes gas in some way (and it's rarely burping - she is SO hard to burp). We've tried Gripe Water, but it wasn't working, and colic tablets - with limited success... but I hadn't tried a few other suggestions I'd gotten (like chamomile tea) because I was waiting to talk to the doc. When I told her the things we'd tried, and conveniently Maggie was having a bottle while I was in the office, so the doc got to see that she wasn't rearing back (like acid reflux would show) - she gave me a few suggestions - which started with Gripe Water and chamomile tea. I told her the Gripe Water wasn't really working (which is a whole other story) - so she said we'd try to switch to soy based formula.

So, we tried that today - but it'll take a few weeks to know if that is the issue. The good news is she switched over with no issues. But, when I got home today I re-read the directions on the Gripe Water and I was giving her like 1/8th of the amount I was supposed to. After her last bottle, I gave her the right amount. She fussed a little, and is now passed out happily. NO huge crying episodes. Whoops.

The doc assured me that if we checked all the main baby items (not hungry, clean diaper) that it is OK if she cries. That some babies just need to cry. I realized that before, but was so upset that none of my normal calming things were working... it's good to know that it wasn't something we were doing wrong, that maybe she just needed a new formula. Here's hoping that with that and the Gripe Water we make progress and there is less crying (all around - because sometime HER crying makes me cry).

The doc also pointed out that we could start bathing her a little more regularly (whoops again - she's had 2 baths since she's been home)... and I explained that when she's calm, I'm just not willing to potentially fire her up by giving her a bath. When we gave her a bath tonight, she was SO calm. Duh. babies love warm baths. So - we will get into that routine too.

Want to see a picture of her that cracks me up? Taken today:

We've switched to a co sleeper, which I'm really liking. Took her a little bit to get used to, but I feel like we are maybe rounding a corner and figuring her out. And look at that sweet face! Happy one month, baby!

What to do.

A bunch of people have asked me what they SHOULD do when something tragic happens. I don't really know if I have all of the answers, even for someone who reacts EXACTLY as I do.

Don't ask what you can do. Just do it. Someone actually gave me that tip for another friend when her mother died. They told me to say - I'm bringing dinner on Weds night... instead of asking 'What can I do?". Because when someone asks me what they can do, in the back of my mind I always think 'can you bring back Nora?' or 'make the pain stop?' because that is honestly what I really want. But I know that I need the day to day things done too. My friends are bringing over dinner every weeknight until January sometime. The firefighters just came over and put up our Christmas lights. Out neighbors have been shoveling our driveway for us when it snows. I would have never thought to ask for those things, but when they were done, it was really nice.

Don't EVER ask what happened. I don't want to relive that night over and over. IF I feel like talking about it I will... but the chances are low. Also do NOT ask if they found out what was 'wrong' with her. In our case, they found nothing. Which is more upsetting to think about.

Don't tell me she went to a better place. I think my home and my family is a pretty wonderful place and I think she should be here with us.

Don't judge my grief. Don't think I'm acting too happy or too sad and then tell me so. I will probably tell you to fuck off. Many people told us not to celebrate Hulk's first birthday. To my, celebrating life was the only way to make it through that day. If that isn't what you would do, I'm sorry. But it isn't your family and you didn't have to come.

Leave people alone when they ask to be left alone. We've had overnight visitors since the day this all happened. By the time my stepmother left, we wanted to be alone. My MIL insisted on staying because 'she needed to be with us'. We needed to be alone, and we told her so. But she didn't listen, so we just dealt with it.

If they have twins, don't ever say, well, at least you still have Maggie. First, it's just an asshole thing to say... and guess what? We are a little freaked out now about both Maggie and Hulk and their health and safety.

I know I could probably write a million more things, but the Great and All Powerful is waking up and needs attention (3 week growth spurt, I think!).

Merry Christmas!

I should have realized I started something last year when I took Hulk and got his picture taken with Santa.... now I'm pretty sure I'm doing it every year.

Merry Christmas from our house to yours:

Ready

Finally, I'm alone in the house with Maggie. Cam is in daycare, all visitors are DONE (until tomorrow when my mom comes for the day - but no more overnight visitors. Ever.). I spent the morning doing some grocery shopping, gave Maggie a bottle, and she is currently sleeping - not on me. Which is another big step. I cleaned up the kitchen, did some toy culling in anticipation of the huge haul of toys Hulk is getting (We bought him a train set. That is it. You can't IMAGINE the amount of toys this kid will be opening tomorrow). I even wrapped presents and there is stuff in Aaron's stocking! So - we are ready for Christmas. We are even having some family members over tonight for cocktails. A small degree of normalcy. It feels good.

It's been rough, this past week. I spent a large amount of Monday afternoon crying. Maggie still is a bit challenging - but now I think I have her somewhat figured out. Monday we went to the baby friendly movie (Avatar! Awesome!) and when we got in the car to go home, she just started crying and wouldn't stop. I pulled over and was in the back seat trying to calm her down, and I just LOST it. Nothing I was doing was helping, and I was almost out of gas and just so tired and facing 4 more days with my mother in law visiting (we asked her to stay somewhere else so Aaron didn't need to sleep on the couch, and she said that she NEEDED to stay here. AUGH). And it all cascaded to me just being super sad about the huge combination of everything. To top it off, the two of us finally stopped crying, and I was driving home, and I answered the phone and just started bawling to a massage therapist that I barely know... I had called to set up an appointment and the poor woman just called back. Of course, the first words out of her mouth were 'How are you' (if no one every asks me that again I will be very thankful). I started to say - good. But seriously? I'm NOT good. I'm sad. And angry. And miserable. But you can never answer with that, can you? Anyway, I felt like such a freak. But it had to happen at some point, right?

But - back to Maggie. I've been giving her Gripe water with each bottle, and she's been loads better. It's either colic or gas (or are those the same things?). And I've gotten accustomed to her crying, which is just at such a fevered pitch compared to Hulk's that I was SURE something was wrong. Now I know it's just her way. I've taken to calling her the Great and All Powerful Maggie (like the Great and All Powerful Oz?) because once that screaming starts, all adults in the room mobilize to do her bidding.

I'm starting to get angry about the whole situation, which I'm told is a good thing. I'm angry this had to happen to us. I'm god damned sick on being on the very shitty end of the statistics (unexplained infertility, FIL having a stroke at 60, SIDS - all such a low likelihood of happening and ALL happening to us within a year). I'm sick of people asking how I am... or telling me their awful stories of how they lost a child. Surprisingly it doesn't help AT all to hear another super sad story of another family that lost child. I'm also sick of angels. They've been coming into our house in all forms - ornaments, cards, freaking statues.... with some sort of sentiment that says - to help you remember Nora. Like I'm going to forget her! WTF!!! A friend told me the other day that her sister lost a daughter at a very young age, and she had enough angels to decorate a whole Christmas tree the next year. Augh! That isn't going to happen here. I should warn everyone - the next angel to enter this house may end up lodged in the givers rear end. Even though I fully understand that they mean well. That's another hard thing. I know that everyone means well, but sometimes I just want to SCREAM when people look at me with their sad faces or ask how I'm doing or whatever. I don't... because I know they mean well. But damn, it would feel good to just lose it on someone.

Deep Sigh. I'm happy that we are somewhat on our own now. I'm thankful that we still have help pouring in through friends that are bringing us dinner, because on Monday, if someone hadn't brought us something, we would have just sat on the couch and cried and not eaten. And I've already lost at least 40 if not 50 pounds, and I only gained 20 with the pregnancy. Someone actually commented on how great I looked the other day - and bitchy me said 'Well, at least I look good.'

OK - I hear the All Powerful stirring in the other room. Better go do her bidding. She is really starting to fill out - up to 8 lbs 5 ozs on Tuesday! Go Maggie go!

Sleep and Christmas Cards

So - last night we had to do split duties. Hulk was really fussy on Weds night, and continued to be sad during the day yesterday. He ended up with a fever of 100.8 by the end of the day, so of course, we freaked out. In the back of my mind I was sure it was an ear infection (or more I was praying that it was?) but nervous nonetheless. We were a little freaked that it could be something contagious - gotta love daycare - and then I just wasn't sure what we would do. But, Aaron got him to the doc, and he confirmed it was a pretty bad ear infection. But the doc warned us that Hulk probably wouldn't sleep well. We decided to divide and conquer.

Aaron slept downstairs with Hulk's monitor, and I had Maggie with me in bed (and thanks for the heads up on the Amby Baby bed recall, but the issue is more with people who were using it with children who could sit up and/or roll over - which a) they tell you not to use it for children who can do that, and b) it doesn't seem to be working anyway so we stopped using it). She is much easier to calm down if I'm close, so last night she slept just as well as other nights but with less freaking out. She goes about 3 - 4 hour between feedings, which I think is pretty great. It's just the getting her to fall asleep that is the stressful part. She is just such a shrieker, that it goes right to Aaron's core. It sounds like something is wrong with her - even though there isn't. She just needs to settle down, and we are finding that takes some time. With Aaron in another room, I could deal with settling her down. And I can take a nap in the daytime to make up for any lost sleep (although thank god for the weekend!). Hulk only stirred a few times, so here is hoping the ear infection passes quickly.

We are getting there.

In August, I picked out the cutest baby announcements (little sheep!) for the girls. They were from Paper Culture, and the day I got home from the hospital, I ordered a bunch. I wanted to send them out ASAP. When the proof arrived, a day later, we had already lost Nora. I wasn't sure at that point what I was going to do about the announcements*, but I couldn't bring myself to get those. I wrote to tell them them of Nora's passing, and the CEO of the company actually wrote me back. He dealt with the whole thing in a very classy manner - and I'm hoping that anyone that needs announcements or cards will check them out. I picked out this for our Christmas card (I changed the wording to Peace, Love and Joy instead of what they have there). I know I don't have to do Christmas cards, and this is the one year I could easily get away with it - but I now feel like Maggie and Hulk have this huge family that is following up on them, and deserve a sweet Christmas card.

* We did a baby naming for Nora at the memorial service, so that was her 'announcement' and Maggie will be getting her own soon.

Burned

It's all starting to hit now. The knowledge that I would be getting minimal sleep with a newborn is highlighted by the fact that I'm sleeping with one eye open. I know that I can't stay awake 24 hours a day, but it's still hard to sleep. And even if I do manage to close my eyes, about 50% of the time I'm reliving that night over and over. Which sucks.

I try to keep myself busy during the day, but that is getting hard too, because I'm so tired. My stepmother is here visiting, and she is helpful - but in her 70s and I'm not willing to let her drive and honestly don't even really trust her to watch Maggie while I sleep. It isn't that she isn't good with babies either - I pretty much only trust Aaron and his Aunt Mary (she is the one that stayed in the hospital with Maggie when she was in for observation). And in my heart, I know that is a little silly, but I'm not ready yet to just hand her over to anyone.

And Maggie is a hard baby to figure out. Hulk was so easy - he would cry when he was hungry, tired or needed a diaper change. Maggie cries to eat, then eats, and then seems perfectly fine, she burps, you try to lay her down? Shrieking. Louder than you can imagine. And comforting to a point to hear her use those lungs, but I wish I could comfort her! She isn't rearing back or any of the other classic signs of reflux - and does totally fine so long as she is close to me - like during the day, I can hold her and she sleeps fine. Or I got a swing that goes side to side - she loves that. But at night, we try the Amby Baby bed, and it seems like a failure. I'm tempted to just let her sleep in the swing all night - but that seems like a bad idea. She also doesn't take a pacifier yet - which I do think would be a big help. I let her sleep in bed with me this morning - but while SHE can sleep - I lay there with my eyes wide open making sure I don't roll anywhere near her. So that isn't a solution either.

So - with all that - we are pretty much getting sleep in 2 or 3 hour bits. She will generally need a bottle around 8, and it takes about an hour to get her done with a bottle, diaper change and then all it takes to settle her. Then she'll go for a 2 hour sleep, up at around 11 (which Aaron will wake up for), then I'll do the next one (usually around 3) and then she seems to wake up again at 6:15. But, because she is in the same room as us, even though we take turns with getting out of bed, her crying wakes up the other person. And we can't have someone sleep in the guest room, because we have my stepmother here. At Nina's yesterday, I found that she was up to 7 lbs 10 oz - so maybe as she gains more weight this will settle down? Cameron was never this little, so I think that was some of our success with him.

And thanks for all the words of support. I'm glad that most of you get what I am trying to portray. I try to stay strong, but it's hard. Well meaning people ask me how I'm doing, and then for whatever reason I feel like I'm being judged for either being not sad enough or too sad (depends on the day what my reaction is). Everyone wants to help - and at times I just want to be left alone- but at the same time - I dread being alone. My friends call to check up on me, and I don't want to answer the phone, but I know they need to hear my voice to be sure I'm OK. And some people just push and push and I lose it a little... and I feel like I need to apologize. And then I'm like 'Fuck it'. I'm sick of worrying about how other people feel. I'm trying to concentrate on me, Aaron and my children.

At church on Sunday some random woman I didn't know came up and asked me if I was pregnant again. I was holding Cameron. It was the day of remembrance for those who lost children - and I had stood up and lit a candle for Nora. So I turned to her and said - I gave birth to twins 14 days ago! Hoping to shut her down, assuming she hadn't been at that part of the service. Then she went on to ask if they knew what happened to my daughter. I walked away and she followed me - I turned and just said 'Please just leave me alone'. Seriously. WTF.

So. That is where I am. Now I'm going to try to order Christmas cards. The fun never ends.

The new normal

Aaron decided to go back to work today - just to get his mind on something else, which is a good thing, I think. I managed to do the morning routine pretty well - but I had help from the gang. Maggie woke up at 6:15 and was pretty well done with her bottle and fussing by the time Hulk woke up at 7. She hung out while I got Hulk dressed and ready to go. The only hitch was moving from upstairs to downstairs - as Hulk can't go downstairs on his own yet - and I forgot to bring up a sling. I put Maggie down, went down with Hulk, and got him situated with milk in his highchair and of course, while I was pouring it, I hear Mags flipping out upstairs. Run up, get her, and then we were all set. Phew.


The service was totally beautiful and exactly what we needed. The minister talked a lot about hope and honoring Nora by continuing to live our lives with love and joy. And that is exactly what we wanted to pass on to everyone (and us). We were at a loss of what to do, angry... the whole mix of emotions you can expect at a time like this - but mostly our life is joyful. We have a wonderful family, and wonderful friends and Nora would want us to go on living our life with love and happiness. It's not easy, but we are trying.


Yesterday, the fireman came and put up our lights and they were really wonderful. How often do you get to see fireman climbing up the side of your house?

I was joking with Aaron that we were probably freaking out a few neighbors to have fire trucks in our front yard. But most of the kids were over checking out the fire truck - Hulk was loving it:

Sunday was also the day that Santa was riding the fire truck around town to see all the kids. Maggie said hi:

And here we all are (Hulk was totally fascinated by the fireman on the ladders - so he wouldn't look at the camera):

A new normal. Our little family. Not what we expected, but we are adjusting.

Doing well

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day - but I think a good day. The memorial service for Nora is tomorrow, and I feel like it will help, but also just be a hard, hard day. You all have helped make it better by sending some beautiful flowers - and I must thank you all for that. It was just signed the ALI community - so a big hug to you all!


Maggie is doing beautifully. She eats about every 3 hours, and gives us a big lusty cry when she is ready for attention, which we love to hear. The only issue she has is a pretty nasty diaper rash as she had diarrhea from the IV antibiotics. But that is clearing up really well too. Today, I took out the vibrating seat that we used with Cameron - thinking I would maybe put her down in it. Aaron came into the room and laughed at me around 4 PM this afternoon - he said 'Good job using that seat today, babe' - as this is where Maggie spent her day:

That is my lap.

: )

Comfort in community

One of the most amazing things that I've seen is the complete outpouring of support of Aaron and I. Food, flowers, offers of running errands... but some things are blowing me away.

The town fire department flew their flag at half mast yesterday for us. And they have set up snowplowing for the whole winter, along with plans to bring the ladder truck over on Sunday afternoon to put up our Christmas lights. They were desperate to do something - and here I was feeling bad for the poor ambulance driver who I basically tossed Nora at on Friday and screamed for him to help us. For most of the emergency/health care professionals we have worked with over the past 3 days, this is the first time they have dealt with something like this. They seem just as heartbroken as Aaron and I. And it is amazing the support they have given us.

Maggie is doing wonderfully. We got home from the hospital last night. She was in the hospital for 48 hour observation pending results from her and Nora's blood work, and also putting her on a broad spectrum of antibiotics for safety. The first blood work results on Maggie came back with bacteria in it - but my doc was pretty sure it was a contaminated sample (the bacteria was a bacteria commonly found on the skin), but until the confirmed otherwise, would continue her on antibiotics. By Monday, we were sure it was a contaminated sample, so they drew another, and by noon yesterday we had confirmation that nothing was wrong with her (and second opinions confirming that again) so we brought her home. And she's been wonderful. She had a bottle at 8 PM, slept until 11, another bottle at 2:30, and then slept until 5:30. We managed to sleep also - which to me was a small miracle... but every time we heard her little 'chirp' from her bed (which we moved to within arms reach of my side of the bed) both of us would giggle a little. My one moment of panic was that she woke up at 5:30, but was mostly just chirping (which for her is a warm up to full on screaming. The girl knows when she wants to eat). I was just laying there waiting for her to really wake up - because she is easier to feed that way. Well, I guess we both feel asleep again, because I woke up at 6:30 in a total panic that she was quiet again, and ripped her out of bed (she was sound asleep and totally fine. The girl is going to have no startle reflex when she is older). I'm sure it was easier for her to sleep here than at the hospital where she was hooked up to the IV and what seemed like a million monitors.

I am so thankful that I am am surrounded by this wonderful community that is just allowing me to concentrate on my Maggie, Hulk and our grief. Everything else is totally taken care of.

Finding the good

Something I've found comfort in today is remembering that without great love, you wouldn't have sorrow. My heart is filled with a mixture of sadness and love and joy - and I am thankful to have celebrated Hulk's first birthday today.

..

There is no real way to say this. Nora passed away last night. We don't know why or how - they are trying to figure it out. Maggie is in the hospital for observation for 48 hours with IV antibiotics as a safety measure - but we are told that she is totally ok.

Cameron is turns one today. We are trying to still keep it as his special day - and the joy in his laughter is keeping me sane for now.

The first night...

Wow. So the combination of no nap for me (it took forever to get out of the hospital yesterday. I was ready to go at 9. We got in the car at 1:30), my milk coming in (screw you boobs) and the girls adjusting to being home, last night was kind of rough. Someone was awake from about 11 - 2 AM. I figured we would just do what we did with Hulk, trading off wake ups, but that doesn't go so great when there are 2 babies! You get one calmed down, and the next is up. Tonight we are moving to a shift schedule, lol.

I did make the decision in the hospital to not breastfeed. I feel really great with the decision, as we were fighting the same issues as I had with Hulk - and Aaron and I decided that we would not do any major interventions this time. No SNS, no pumping, no supplements. And when I switched to the bottle, they both took to it so well - and I was so happy just holding them and watching them eat and NOT stressing, that I still know that I did the right thing. But. Last night, when it was Aaron's 'shift' - I'm hearing them cry and my uterus is contracting and my boobs are leaking - seriously!? Augh.

Today has been great. I've been a little teary, but I would expect that. I'm still not really able to play with Hulk - I came downstairs this morning to help Aaron with breakfast and of course one of the girls woke up right then. I know that he is OK and knows he is loved and all that - but it's different. And of COURSE it's going to be different. But it's all a big adjustment!

We got to go to daycare and bring Hulk his birthday cake - which we have some super cute pictures of him eating. I had my We'll have a repeat performance tomorrow with family and friends at lunch time tomorrow with presents.

One funny thing is that I didn't really get any newborn sized clothes - Cam pretty much started in 0 - 3 size. The girls are SWIMMING in the 0-3 size. So I sent out a plee for newborn sized PJs, and I forget how much people love shopping for babies. A neighborhood friend is running out for me right now to get a few pairs to make it through the night, and my cousin, who is coming tomorrow - is SUPER excited to get some too.

Leaving my cocoon....

The past 4 days have been wonderful. After my girls arrived on Sunday, I've been staying here at the hospital with them, while Aaron went to work and took care of Hulk. It's kind of crazy, because with Hulk, I couldn't have been separated from Aaron for even an hour.... this time? I'm totally in control. I've been using the nursing staff when I need help, but I'd rather Aaron be with me at home when we don't have anyone to help. He slept here the first night, and after seeing how miserable he was on the pullout couch - and the fact that we had already decided to send the girls to the nursery each night - it just made more sense to have him at home in our bed.

Hulk has been on my mind - but another reason that I have Aaron going home is because I know he is happy with his Dad. Hulk loves my Aunt, of course, but more for play time - I'm sure it would have been weird to wake up in the morning and not see either of us!

The girls are just wonderful. They eat well, sleep well and cuddle perfectly. I've been spending the days feeding them, and then we spend and hour or so sleeping together in bed. I'm the luckiest woman in the world, and I can't wait to get home today and introduce them officially to Hulk. Hulk did come on Sunday - but I'm sure the whole thing was totally overwhelming for him, as I was still hooked up to my IV and everything.

As for me, I'm feeling SO much better than the last time. I'm sore, but totally able to get out of bed on my own (that is one reason Aaron couldn't leave - I seriously needed him to help me get out of bed). I've been walking around, caring for the girls (figuring out how to feed 2 at once!) and getting as much rest as possible. I think not laboring for 20 hours BEFORE the c-section is a big reason for the difference. I also just feel grounded and 'ok'. I don't feel nervous about anything. I feel grateful for my perfect girls, and confidant that I'm able to parent them.

For those of you worrying about a second - it's SO much better the second time around! You can do it!

Trust me, more pictures later. Right now, I'm packing up my bags and waiting for Dad to come and take us home. Oh - one last funny story. Aaron installed the girls carseats last night, and when he picked up Hulk at daycare - he said that Hulk was eyeing the seats VERY suspiciously. LOL.

Guess who is here?

Want to see the newest additions to the family? They made their appearance on 11/29!

Baby A - on the left hand side (internet names are still pending) was 7lbs 5 oz, 20 inches long and born at 3:47 AM.

Baby B - was 6lbs 10 oz, 19.5 inches long and born at 3:48 AM.

Saturday night, I went out to dinner with some girlfriends and ended up staying out until 11. Got home, and got into bed. Around 1 AM, I woke up feeling 'funny'. Figured I just had to pee. Then I was nervous that peed my pants...then I realized my water broke. We got the troops called in for Hulk Care, and made our way to the hospital. I was still in shock that they got to chose their own birthday... and that it was all really happening. Once we got to the hospital, everything went really smoothly.

I'm deeply in love.

Special Sweaters

I finally put the finishing touches on the girl's coming home sweaters, and found matching outfits to go under them:

The sweater on the left I made right when I found out I was having twin girls, to go along with the one on the left, which is the sweater I made to bring Hulk home in if he was a girl. They are both lacy, sweet little sweaters - but over the months I'd also knit a hot pink and bright orange set of sweaters... and was thinking they would wear those. Looking at the other sweaters, and being realistic on the 4 day old size of the girls, I decided they would look silly in the other sweaters. So - back to this plan! Plus, these are more 'traditional' (Hulk's was a cabled sweater).

I never got around to steaming out the lace or putting buttons on the darker one. Hulk is napping, and I finally got them ready! The super cute outfits are ready to be filled with babies!

A week.

So. A week from now, the twins will be here. It's all sinking in. I'm finally excited to meet them, and not just terrified. I have everything ready. Anything that I could have obsessed over, I think I've managed to either deal with, or get over it. Want a list of the things that would keep me up at night?

• Getting Hulk an 'I'm a big brother' shirt to wear. This proved rather difficult, as I left it really to today to go looking, and they didn't have them at BRU. Or Target. Or Carters. Or Walmart. I finally found one at Gymboree. Hopefully their 2T doesn't run huge - I have it on hold and will pick it up on my way to get Hulk from daycare.
• I got Hulk a special Birthday Boy romper - but I wanted him to wear it both on the 4th to school (it's a Friday, so it's the day BEFORE his birthday) and on his actual birthday, the 5th. So I was going to ask his godmother to run a load of laundry that night so he would have a birthday outfit for the day of his birthday. But today, I found a very sweet My 1st Birthday onsie for him to wear Saturday.
• Other birthday related items - I got a cake pan in the shape of the number one - Aaron has agreed to make a cake to bring to daycare on Friday and another to bring to the hospital for a little family party on Saturday. I got candles and plates... and that is the extent of my 1st birthday party plans. I think we'll open presents when we get home with the girls on Sunday.
• Baby food. The kid has enough food to get him through me being in the hospital. I had obsessively made a HUGE amount before I stopped working, and then realized that I still had 3 weeks to go... so I made more last night. And now we are good through when I'm back home. Although I'll probably make MORE this weekend so I don't have to worry about it right away.
• Hulk's sleeping. Of course, he went from sleeping reliably from 7 PM to 6AM to waking up in the middle of the night because he has a cold and was coughing. That seems to have calmed down - so I don't have to worry about my Aunt or his godmother dealing with a fussy baby in the middle of the night.
• Hulk's eating. He went from shoveling food in for dinner to refusing to eat at night. Thankfully the last two nights we seem back to normal. I was picturing my poor Aunt sitting there trying to get him to eat to no avail. Phew.
• My bag is packed. I have new nursing PJs for the hospital and books to read and knitting to bring. I even packed shampoo and lotion and all the little things that I forgot last time. I have the batteries charged for my camera.

I think that's it! Am I a freak or what? The food and sleeping things I feel are OK to obsess over - but his outfits? What is WRONG with me?

Ginormous.

That is what Aaron calls me now. No longer am I just plain 'big', or even 'HUGE'.


Nope. Now I'm ginormous.

This is the best I could do on this cloudy day, but I feel like I needed to share.

Woot!

Aaron installed the floor this week. I. Freaking. LOVE. It. Every time I enter the kitchen, I squeal a little, I love it so much. It's kind of like when you get an AWESOME haircut, and every time you see yourself in the mirror, you do a double take? That is how I feel when I walk by the kitchen.

The old floor was cold, hard, off-white BUMPY ceramic tile. I hated it. It was hard to keep clean, anything you dropped on it would shatter into a million pieces, and it was COLD. So cold that in the winter, if you weren't wearing slippers, you feet would actually hurt if you stood on it. This floor is kind of soft and definitely warmer and I just love it. Love love love it!

Hulk did a bit of 'helping' too:

I was nervous that the wood floor with the wood cabinets would be awful - but I don't even think it's that offensive. Our next project is to paint the cabinets white (well, paint the whole kitchen area) - but I don't hate how it is now. Which is good, because I don't think we are going to have the spare time to do that painting in the near future. We have something big coming up in 9 days... if I could only remember what it is....

: )

Seriously - I had my non-stress test this morning (37 weeks today!) and everything is still good. Hulk had his follow up visit on his surgery in August - and he is looking good too! Aaron and I had to divide and conquer this morning - he took Hulk to the doc and I went to my own doc appointment - so Hulk got to play in Aaron's office for a while, which he loved. I complained to my doc that my hips were REALLY hurting me, and his answer was - if they WEREN'T hurting you I'd be worried. Sigh. The doc said if I was REALLY miserable, we could talk about moving my date, and I just don't feel comfortable with that. I'd rather they have as much time inside as they need. If I pushed the c-section up because my hips hurt a little, and someone ended up in the NICU, I would feel AWFUL. I can suck it up for 9 more days.

T minus 2 weeks.

Well. I'll be holding babies two weeks from right now! Crazy!

I'm enjoying my vacation - and getting random little things done. Getting chores done that were impossible to do with the combo of being heavily pregnant and working full time (car inspected, oil changed, stuff picked up from people willing to give me baby stuff and finishing Christmas shopping for my nieces and nephews) and also doing fun projects - like painting letters so I can put the girl's names over their cribs. I'm on the 4th coat of paint - I think I'm a little obsessed... but does that surprise anyone? I also got a wonderful pedicure yesterday with nice sparkly nail polish. Love it.

All my doctors appointments went great on Monday. My 24 hour urine came back normal, along with the blood work. My blood pressure was also nice and low (121/60 - but I was lying down). At the ultrasound - both heads were basically in my cervix! No wonder I'm so uncomfortable! And Baby A is at 5 lbs 6 oz, and Baby B is 5 lbs 13 oz - so they are doing really well. I did find out an annoying policy at the hospital - only one person is going to be allowed in the OR with me at delivery, so that may mean that I won't be able to have my doula there... which makes me sad. Stupid swine flu. I'm going to talk to my doc about it next time I see him.

Today I think I'm just going to hang out here, try to finish knitting up a sweater for one of the twins (I have to finish it so I can show you the super cute outfits I have to take them home in!). Tomorrow is another non-stress test, and then I need to plan out my weekend. I think Aaron will need some alone time to install the new flooring (I picked that up yesterday!) so if I can manage it, I may take Hulk to a play group at Nini Bambini's.

Aaron's Version of Nesting

Exhibit A, our kitchen floor:

We had this vague plan a while back that we wanted to rip out our nasty tile kitchen floor (I know, doesn't sound nasty, but it was these off-white textured tiles that were poorly grouted and showed every little bit of dirt), put in a wood laminate floor, and paint the cabinets. The whole prospect seemed a bit daunting, and I figured we certainly didn't have time before the twins came, so I didn't think any more of it.

Friday, Aaron finished his last big project (insulating his workshop in the basement). And we need to order a dumpster. Well, he figured, if we were going to get the dumpster, he might as well tear up the kitchen floor! Ha. This was a lot of hard work that he did while I was out of the house with Hulk yesterday afternoon and this morning. When the man in motivated, he works FAST. Hulk is napping, and Aaron is a Home Depot getting some supplies. I bet I have a new floor by the end of the weekend.

It'll look a little weird until we paint the cabinets - it's a lot of wood - but Aaron's uncle (the one that painted the twins room) already has volunteered his services for this winter.

So. To review. I seem to organize when I'm nesting. Aaron starts (and finishes) large projects. When I asked him what he is going to do when all these projects are done? He said - sit on the couch and play with my babies. Sounds like a good plan to me!

I'm turning into my mother.

So - as I have had all these friends and family members organizing my house, I find myself loving it. Before, I understood that having everything more organized made sense, but a childhood of my mother saying over and over again 'A place for everything and everything in it's place' made me kind of want to pull away from that kind of super organized life.

But now. I'm going to have 3 babies. And a full time job. And a nanny in my house during the day. With my organizational kick start, I find myself wanting to stay like this. And get any other parts of my house like it too. I'm finding it takes the same amount of time to put stuff away right then than to wait hours (or days). And if I don't put it away, then I'm digging through piles of laundry (or mail or dishes or whatever) taking MORE time to find it. When if I just put it away in the first place, I'd already have it in my hands. Silly things like pairing up socks. I wait until Hulk gets up in the morning to get up and get dressed. I used to leave out my outfit for the morning so I could throw it on real quick and go to his room.... but would never remember the socks. It would easily take me 5 MORE minutes to find socks that matched, with Hulk getting more and more spooled up the longer I took. Now, I just grab what I need. Easy peezy.

These are things that my mother has been preaching since I was a kid. It's freaking me out a little that I get it now. I wonder if I can keep this up when I have 3 little ones? Maybe I'll HAVE to keep it up to avoid getting totally overwhelmed? Or maybe I'll fall back into my old ways... although with how much easier things have been the past few weeks with things under control... I hope not.

Please don't tell my mother she was right.

Super Fun

Yesterday was Veteran's Day - which meant I got the day off work, and Hulk's daycare was closed, so we had a Mommy Fun Day. It started with Hulk staying at one of my girlfriend's houses while I had a check up and got swabbed for Group B Strep (fun fun). HE had a blast - my friend has 4 teenage girls and they loved playing with him.

From there, we headed out to do some shopping... but it was mostly with gift cards - so basically FREE shopping. I got new duds for Hulk (including a new pair of walking shoes), some new nursing PJs for the hospital for me (a gal can hope, right?), a new video game for Aaron, and a bunch of stuff we needed from BRU. Hulk seems to love shopping -so much to see!

We then went to Nina's and participated in a SUPER fun Mover's and Shaker's play group - I've never really gotten to sit back and watch Hulk play - and he had so much fun! It ended with him getting bitten by another kid (poor guy) but I think the other mother was more traumatized than either Hulk or I was. At Nina's I got couple sweet coming home outfits for the girls, and new bras! Hurrah!!!!! Why I ever waited so long on the bra front is beyond me....

We got home around dinner time nice and tired out from all the fun. I only have a few more things that I want to get wrapped up before the girls come in 20 days! I'm hoping that it isn't sooner, as my blood pressure is still moving up - today it was 140/79. We shall see - I peaked at 180/100 with Hulk. Maybe I should pack a bag for the hospital?

Broken body parts (not mine!)

So. I was napping on Saturday afternoon, so I missed the phone call - but my mother fell down the stairs at the cabin, broke 2 ribs and punctured a lung. And I am on travel restriction, so I couldn't do anything. Thankfully, my cousin and some of her friends chipped in and got her all settled in the hospital and got the dog taken care of. And I spent last night getting everything all set for her to come home today. But damn. It's hard to deal with all this long distance and on the phone! I wish I could have just popped in the car and stayed with her until at least tonight and tomorrow to see that she is all settled.

Of course, now that I know she is ok, I feel a little vindicated. She won't be able to drive for a long while, because she has a standard shift car (which I mentioned that she should maybe get an automatic, as she has arthritis, and it may be harder to drive a stick shift as she gets older). One of the biggest stresses was getting her dog taken care of - and of course, you all know my issues with her having this HUGE boxer. It's much easier to get someone to take care of a little dog than a 60 pound one! And, of course - the way she hurt herself? She was carrying a very heavy table from her deck at the cabin to the basement to store it for the winter. Over and over again I have asked her to have some of her friends (or even to hire someone) to help with that... but NO. She is too independent (and stubborn). I guess that is what comes from being on your own for so long.

Maybe she'll start listening to me a little now?! I doubt it though.

Baby-wise, we are doing great. I went for my non-stress test this morning, and things are all still good, and the results of the 24 hour urine were perfect. So that is good news. I've only got this week left at work, and then I'm done! 35 weeks today, and still feeling good. I think that is great.

Blah.

Just spent ten minutes getting dried snot out of my son's bulb aspirator (used boiling water - anyone else have a better idea?). Yesterday I collected my pee for 24 hours. Last night, I came down with the same cold Hulk has, and we both feel like CRAP.

Damn, my life is sexy.

In good news, I was having issues dressing Hulk this morning, and decided to just send him to school in a super cute sweater and khaki's (I couldn't find a long sleeve onsie and it's going to be only in the 40's today. I figured he could wear a short sleeve one with a sweater over it, right?). Well - today is picture day at daycare! Score one for tired Mommy.

The house looks awesome - the guest room is totally ready for guests, which may be a good thing, as my blood pressure continues to rise - it was 145/74 at my non-stress test this morning. I'm close enough to my last day at work (11/13) that I found myself hoping for a reason to just use up my sick days and be done with it. On Monday - I actually could do that, as I have 4 sick days left, and next week we get Wends off for Veteran's Day. We've been dealing with crisis after crisis, and my heart isn't really in it... and there is a chance I'm going to have to log in this weekend. How annoying would that be??? On the other hand, I know I wouldn't realistically leave them in the lurch unless I was really on bedrest, and that would supremely SUCK, as I have plans for those 2 weeks off! Nothing major, but maybe going to the movies and stuff like that. And what would I do about Hulk? Who would take him to daycare? So, in all honesty, I don't REALLY want to have the doc give me a reason to leave work early.... only one week to go. I can make it!!

Dust.

I braved the guest room this morning. It's the room that got converted into my craft room once we found out we were having twins. And then, was used as nursery furniture storage when we got the cribs and stuff long before the room was ready. And finally, it's been the dumping ground for anything that didn't have a place in Hulk's room, the twins room or my closet.

It was kind of a scary place.

Aaron and I went up there together on Friday, before Suzanne visited, to try and make space on the bed at least for her to sleep. So, I did get rid of a few things from the closet (old quilts, throw away pillows, crappy pictures we will never hang again). But I still had the lion's share to organize. Thankfully, Suzanne was the one who helped move the craft room over, so I did have a pretty good system in place, just needed to put a few things away, sort and throw away. But DAMN! We haven't cleaned in that room in ages, since it's been filled up with CRAP, so now I'm totally stuffy.

Aaron and I will tackle getting the give away and throw away piles out of there tonight, and then we can assess if I'm actually going to be able to enough space to make my elliptical machine usable. That would be awesome. I took that from my FIL's after it became obvious that it wasn't something he would use again - with visions of using it in the morning before I went to work. Ha. Then I got pregnant. So now, I have visions of using it to get back in shape after the twins come. A girl can dream, right?

I fully admit to putting 3 boxes in the closet that I can't sort through right now. But that isn't too bad for the amount of crap I've gotten rid of in the past 3 weeks. I'm pretty proud of myself! It will be good to have that room ready for guests - as we are going to have people here non-stop for a month once the twins arrive.

Victory on Many Fronts...

First victory - I finally got my H1N1 shot. I somehow got screwed over on getting it from my general practitioner... but when I went for my 34 week check up this morning, my OB had just got some in. So, I have my seasonal flu shot, as does Hulk. Hulk still needs the H1n1, and Aaron needs both! But I feel better that at least I finally got totally covered. The twins were looking great on the non-stress test, but my blood pressure is borderline high, so I have to collect my urine for 24 hours. Yuck yuck yuck! I'll survive.

Second victory? My closet is totally organized and clean. I conveniently have a good friend who loves to organize. She has been waiting 5 years for me to give her the green light to attack my closet. We started the weekend with fun (which for us is a trip to an awesome yarn store), and then got down to business. I donated and/or threw away 8 bags of crap. I had jeans in there from the 90's.Anything with tapered legs and or greater than 4 sizes smaller than my pre-pregnancy size were gone. I was brutal. I even got rid of hand knit sweaters and scarves! It's amazing how great it looks. Now I need to keep it that way.

Aaron finished building the castle bookshelf for the twins (just needs to be painted) and did some major yardwork this weekend. I have someone coming up to pick up an extra car seat that I have, and hopefully some baby clothes. If not, they are getting donated tomorrow. This house is going to be totally clutter free by the time these babies arrive! I swear it!

Happy Halloween!

I bet you could all guess what we were going to dress Hulk up as....

The cut is NOT makeup - but it adds nice realism, huh? Poor guy fell and hit himself really hard on the windowsill at daycare. Freaked everyone out - but no stitches needed.

Sad Things

So. At the church Aaron and I attend, there was a couple who had a lot of problems getting pregnant - and we were all very excited when they announced they were due in Oct. As both our pregnancies progressed, we compared notes (they didn't find out the sex, they we trying for a homebirth - so pretty different!). Turns out she had a hemorrhage of some sort, and ended up finding they were having a baby boy. The last I saw her, she was a week over due and still on track for a home birth.

Then, we got an email from the pastor, and we find out that she 'lost' the baby. I don't know any details - but I was shocked! We never heard anymore details (and I'm not sure I want to anyway, not when I'm 34 weeks pregnant myself- no need to have new things to obsess over). They are having a service of loss and remembrance on Tuesday. My first instinct is to go - of course. But then, I got nervous. It isn't like we were best friends, just two pregnant ladies comparing symptoms and talking about baby gear. Would me showing up, visibly pregnant, be awful for her? And Aaron is nervous that me going would be, if not an issue for her, traumatic for me. I feel like I'll be OK - but this is the same woman who cries at each and every episode of Baby Story on TLC.

What would you do? I've got a babysitter lined up for Hulk (the service is at 7 PM). Aaron is willing to go alone to show our family's support.

The shower and totally nesting

The shower was great for me - but not without drama for the rest of the family. Some of Aaron's Aunts aren't talking to each other - so that was fun to watch them all in the same room together! And my mother was annoyed that Aaron's family didn't talk to her that much (I told her to get over it), and that my SIL brought her one year old (she thought the baby 'stole the show' - I didn't care, nor did I feel that way). I mostly just enjoyed myself and loved sitting up and catching up with everyone in a nice social setting! And of course, getting wonderful presents.

With the shower, the twins room is now 99% done. I only have maybe one thing to buy (another soother - we got one, just need a second). The cribs are setup, as are the Amby baby beds. All the clothes (both new and hand me down) are sorted, washed and put away. I have 172 diapers sitting next to the changing table. And wipes! The curtains are hung, Aaron put the light on the ceiling and added a dimmer switch (sounds minor - but it's a big deal - he did it in Cam's room and it's awesome). Aaron is building a castle bookshelf to put toys, pictures and books on. I'm going to find a table to put bottle warmers on. And I'm thinking of getting some letters to spell their names and put on the walls over the cribs. And that is IT. That is all left to do.

It's crazy - I don't even think I had clothes in the drawers or diapers for Hulk when he came home. It feels good to be so prepared. With all this preparation, I'm going to take the time to organize my own closet, while I'm in the mood to purge. I am 100% nesting. Yesterday, I went through my whole living room and just got rid of CRAP. We tend to pile up crap on chairs, tables... really any available surface in the living room. I had a pile of mail from June. Stacks of catalogues. A few piles of hand me downs that hadn't made it upstairs. A rack with something like 20 scarves on it, I maybe wear 5 of them? A basket on the floor with napkins? WTF was up with that one?

Currently, there is NO extraneous crap in the living room. It feels awesome. And, it made space for Aaron to bring up a train table that one of our friends gave us - and Hulk LOVED playing with his trucks on that last night. And the table has bins under it for storage, so it had the added benefit of giving us more places to store the multiplying toys. Love it.

Lookie what Hulk can do now!

It's 5 AM on a Sunday....

Seriously.

And it isn't like I just woke up, either. I've been up since 3. I've been told by other twin mom's that sleep is close to impossible near the end - I get it now. Sigh.

Yesterday was SUCH a fun day. I started out with leaving Hulk with Aaron as I went out and ran errands (hurrah for larger maternity underpants! and a good pedicure!). Got home, and was visited by my SIL and Hulk's cousin who is 6 weeks older than him. It's so much fun to watch them play together. SIL was here with my MIL to attend the twin's shower - and that was great too.

My shower for Hulk was weird, as the only family that attended was my mother and my aunt. No one from Aaron's side either. Just all my sweet friends. They claimed they didn't get invites, but I have my doubts. This time? Everyone came. My favorite cousin came, and she had me laughing so hard I almost peed my pants! Fun fun fun! And, of course, we got wonderful presents for the twins, and I barely have anything else left to pick up for them. And, I got lots of cashola to help to defray any post partum doula/night nanny expenses (hurrah!).

Today, when the rest of the world wake up - my big plan is to take Hulk and get him some 'walkin shoes'. He is teetering on the edge of walking, and I think he needs some good 'grippy' soled shoes. He current ones are kind of slippery on the bottom, and haven't really been helping the learning process.

TGIF!!!!

I decided to take yesterday off work and do some work of my own on the twin's room. Since Monday, different family members have been here - painting, organizing clothes, arranging furniture... and Aaron got the baseboard in and most of the electrical done (still have to install a light). I went to my non-stress test in the morning (babies both looking perfect and my blood pressure is still great), and spent the rest of the day working on the valances. I was having issues getting started, but then I just went for it - and they turned out perfectly.

My aunts also attacked Hulk's room, and all of the clothes that he will never wear again are gone. Either donated or in a box for a pregnant friend. We got rid of a dresser that wasn't working for me, and pulled in one from the guest room - it's all wonderful. And organized. There is a nice playspace for Hulk in his room now. They even put labels on each drawer for where everything goes. Now I just need to keep it that way.

Last night, Aaron put up the black out shades and hung my finished curtains (woot!). We were talking about how everything is coming together so well for this room. And how lucky we are that we made Hulk's room the smaller of the bedroom's upstairs - so we have this just right sized room for the twins. And just how we finally know how to do everything. It's awesome. Really great. Only thing the room is missing is to hang artwork, Aaron is building a bookshelf, finish the lights, and have the rug delivered. I thought it was on backorder until Oct 27th... guess what arrived today?!?! My perfect rug for the room. Seriously - it s JUST perfect.

Happy Sigh. I want to post pictures, but I think I'm going to wait until it's really 'done'. Of course, no good day goes unpunished, and work today absolutely SUCKS. But I only have a few more hours.

In other news - tomorrow is my shower. I'm really looking forward to it - I think it's going to be a hoot - as all of Aaron's family is coming. And my friends have never met them - only heard stories. At least now they will know that I wasn't exaggerating!!!

Getting closer!

Want to see the twin's room?!

OK - it's really hard to get a picture of the room. But - you can see the awesome pink of the walls, the hardwood floor, and the fact that the furniture is put together! Today, 2 of my aunts are coming to hang the blinds and curtain rods, organize clothing, put up the dragon decal (woot!) figure out how the room is going to be laid out.... and maybe the rug will even arrive!

This weekend is my shower, so feels like we are totally getting ready for these babies. Last night, as Aaron was in there setting up the cribs, Hulk kept crawling in and out of the room (he hasn't been allowed in due to all the construction for months) and looks around and pointing at everything. Wonder if he's thinking....hmmm. Two cribs? Are they for me?

Ha. Poor guy doesn't know what's going to happen!

That wasn't what I expected

So. I've been mentioning how crappy I've been feeling. I forgot to tell you all that they saw some blood in my urine at one of my non-stress tests (a symptom of a UTI). But I wasn't having any symptoms (or any more than usual - frequent urination? I'm pregnant. With twins). And - they tested my urine 2 more times that week - you think they would have said something?!?!

Friday night, after I got Hulk to bed, I started feeling really bad. Cramping in my lower back, having to go to the bathroom a lot - so I figured I would call my doc. She told me to come in right away. And lo and behold, they get me on the monitor, and I'm having contractions about every 2 minutes. Awesome. The good news is my cervix was totally closed, I passed that test that tells you if you are likely to deliver in the next two weeks (I'm not) and they were able to stop the contractions almost right away with 2 shots of Terbutaline. On the bad side, terb made me feel like SHIT and I do have a UTI. I was pretty angry (still am) that they didn't just treat me for the UTI earlier in the week, and therefore avoiding all the drama. But at least, in the end, it wasn't anything major.

Of course, Aaron was away for all this - I called my aunt who lives in town, and she drove me to the hospital. Hulk's godmother, who was already planning on coming for the weekend, came over and stayed with him while I was at the hospital. I told Aaron to stay at work until we were sure it was something he needed to come home for (which it wasn't). But he did end up coming home on Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday, which was a big relief. I have to admit that it was hard for me to just let other people take care of Hulk. I just couldn't stay awake on Saturday, and I felt like total crap when I was awake. Suzanne got up with Hulk in the morning (I didn't get home until 2 AM), gave him his bottle, his breakfast, played with him..... and then he was a super baby all day - taking a 3 hour nap in the morning, and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon!

I went this morning for my scheduled ultrasound and non-stress test - and the good news is that all is well. Baby A is measuring 4 lbs 13 oz, and Baby B is at 4 lbs 7 oz. Babies both look good, and my blood pressure and everything is still doing well. Now I just need to get over this UTI, and we are all set.

I feel....

Bad? Good? Who the freak knows.

I woke up on Weds and needed to go to the doc for my 31 week check up (all is well, although I'm a little anemic). I have to admit to asking the doc about what it would take to write me out of work. We have a big production issue that is really stressful going on right now, and my boss is on freaking vacation for the past 3 weeks (with another week to go!). The doc said that she could write me a note to reduce my hours... um - yeah right. It's pretty much an all or nothing thing. I figure so long as a can work from home some days - I'll just keep it up for now.

But Weds night, I slept a total of 30 minutes. I was first fired up about work, and then the heartburn started, and then the twins started having a party in my belly. I had to get up on Thursday to go in for a non-stress test, and was stuck on my back for an hour while they tried to chase down Baby B - who decided that kicking the monitor was more fun than staying still and letting us track her heartbeat. I could barely walk when I got up.. my back hurt so badly.

So yesterday I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I worked from home on the couch trying to type on my side (not so easy - I locked up two passwords that way). I couldn't sit on the floor and play with Hulk - things hurt too much. I mostly sit on the sidelines and watch Aaron do bath and bedtime (I don't even do the final bottle anymore! I basically have no lap!). I finished a really pretty shawl for a friend for her birthday weeks ago (the party is Saturday night), and I can't finish the damn thing because it hurts too much to bend over (I need to pin it out). I asked for help, got the shawl pinned out with Aaron's help, took a long hot shower, and went to bed at 7:30.

But then, last night I slept pretty well. Hulk woke up at 7:30 this morning!! And had normal poop (tell me a year ago I'd be excited about the consistency of another person's poop!? I'd have laughed). And my back feels pretty decent, and not too much else hurts. Aaron is away tonight and tomorrow night doing a job for some extra cash (woot! we need extra cash!). At first I was nervous, but my good buddy Suzanne is coming over Saturday and staying with us for the weekend, and we are road tripping to do some yarn shopping. And Sunday, the painting begins on the nursery! So, I went from feeling bad to feeling pretty good. Just need to survive one more work day and then enjoy my weekend!

The Nursery!

Poor Hulk came home sick from day care on Thursday with some poop issues, which continued on throughout the weekend. Which had me at home with him on Friday (of course, sad and poopy all morning when I had all my work calls, and then napped from 12:30 to 3:30... Aaron arrived home at 1 to help me). He was sick enough to be sad, but not totally miserable. And, the plan was already for me to mostly handle Hulk all weekend, so Aaron could totally concentrate on getting major work done in the nursery.

And he did! The hardwood floor is totally in. He finished the walls and put a coat of primer on (and looks amazing). Hulk and I went out and picked out colors for the walls (Fairy Pink) and got the material for the curtains. I also went to Nini Bambini and pick out some Haba furniture to finish up the room. I'm going to get this shelf:

I had originally planned to have Aaron make something - but this is super cute, and by the time Aaron actually makes the shelf, the girls will be 2 years old! He has way too many major projects going on now to take the time for a detailed castle bookshelf project.

I also am going to get this cute princess mirror to put up over the changing table:

These items probably aren't going to come in until Mid-November sometime (she is making one big Haba order for Christmas ordering) but that is fine with me.

The weekend of my baby shower (Oct 24th), I bet I'll be able to post a picture of a mostly finished nursery! It feels so good to be even at the point we are now - really just minimal work to do, and it's work that other people are going to do for us. I'm going to get to washing the Amby Baby beds and finishing up the curtains this week or weekend.

Size update

I just had one of the most annoying mornings on record. There was a combination of poop, poop in areas OTHER than diapers, car seat installations (by a heavily pregnant woman who has never installed a f'ing car seat before), a baby painting with dog water on the kitchen floor, and getting stuck behind a digger on a back road on my way to work. I even started the day with a nice outfit and blown out hair. I'm currently sporting a dirty shirt and sweaty hair in a pony tail.

In an effort to move on from the crappiness that was my morning, I thought I'd entertain you with Huge Cece pictures. I don't think I've ever given you all a front view?

And the ever growing side shot:

Enjoy.

Baby signing

I must admit, when I heard of people doing baby signs or baby videos that help their babies learn to talk (at 6 months, seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!?) I thought it was totally silly. Why put pressure on the poor kid - they find ways to communicate on their own, right? And yes, for the most part, Hulk does do that. But at daycare, they do a few signs, like the one for 'all done' and I really think he gets that. I use it for when I think he's all done with dinner, and if he's messing around looking at the dogs or whatever, and isn't all done, he'll open up for another bite.

I see the usefulness now. Do any of you all do signing with your little one? I'd be interested to know if you use it a lot or not.

So, I signed up for a class in Baby Signs at Nini Bambini on Monday. It's Columbus Day, so I've got the day off, and daycare is closed. Even if the class is a bomb, Hulk and I love visiting Nina, so I'm excited. Anyone from the area interested? Call Nini and sign up and let me know if you are coming! I think it'll be fun.

30 Weeks

I'm 30 weeks pregnant today. That seems REALLY pregnant to me. I feel that way too. Sleep is more like a string of 1 -2 hour naps. It's really hard to bend over. I'm starting to get really teary over stuff. And - this is the LAST week of no doctor's appointments for me. I have an a ob appointment next week, and then begins the twice weekly non-stress tests to check on the girls. So, I'd better enjoy it while I can, huh?

This weekend was fun and stressful at the same time. Saturday, Aaron and I made an unexpected trip to our old favorite breakfast place in the town we used to live in. We hadn't been there in so long that the last time they had seen us was BEFORE Hulk was born. They were shocked to see me pregnant again (hahahaha) - and of course, Hulk charmed them all. We stopped on the way home and picked up some blackout curtains for the nursery (so I just need to get the valances made in the next 2 weeks) and then I spent the afternoon up at Nini Bambini's playing with Hulk. I even finished up a cute sweater/hat combo for Hulk AND went to the yarn store and got more yarn for the next sweater for him (and yes, I haven't really knit much for the girls. I'm waiting until after the shower - I have a feeling baby girl knits are going to be too hard for my friends to resist).

But Sunday, Hulk woke up and just would NOT settle down. He wasn't sad or fussy - just all over the place! And all he wanted was his father. Which I made even better by waking up with an awful headache. So, Aaron spent the early afternoon playing with Hulk while I tried to recover from my headache. He of course had a blast playing with him, but he had higher hopes of more progress on the nursery. The good news is that it's sanded. So this week he is going to clean up the dust, and then put a coat of primer down, and pray that the walls don't need anymore work. If that is the case, we get the flooring this weekend!

OK - better start my Monday.

2 months to go.

Damn. Someone was asking me how long I had to go before the twins came, and I realized it's 8 weeks.

8. Weeks.

Deep breath.

That also means only 31 working days left for me (or 6 weeks) because I'm taking those 2 weeks off before my c-section. *happy dance*

The good news is, things are falling into place. Quick list of what we have solved or underway:

• Aaron's aunts are planning on coming on the week of Oct 18th and painting and decorating the nursery. All Aaron needs to do is to prep the room. Which takes a huge amount of pressure off us. They will also organize all the handmedown girl clothes I have. I'm going to spend the next weeks getting the little final touches ready to go - like buying the black out curtains and making the valences.
• I have this delusion that the twins will sleep in their own room from when we come home. I know I kept Hulk in with us for over 3 months, but I found that when he was sleeping, I would just lay there listening to him or worrying that the dogs or Aaron's snoring would wake him. And his little baby 'chirps' would wake me up. So, we are going to at least start them out in their room. Once the nursery is done, I'm ready. I have the Amby Baby beds (found a second on Craig's List) and anything else they will need already.
• I had a dream the other night that the Douala that attended Hulk's birth was 'missing' at the girl's birth. We honestly didn't think to ask her, because I know I'm having a c-section, and I felt that I would be OK with just Aaron. I was talking to her on the phone - and mentioned the dream - and she said - I'd love to be there! I was slow to answer - because I don't really have the extra $$$ to have her come. I asked if we'd get a discount, and she laughed and said she would just be there. Sweet. It'll be awesome to have her support - plus she got amazing photos last time. And Aaron can just concentrate on me and the babies.
• I started researching night nannies. One piece of advice that I've gotten from many twin mom's is that night nannies have saved their sanity. There is a service here that is popular with twin moms - but they are $340 a NIGHT - 10 hours at $34 an hour. Damn. I'm pretty confidant that Aaron and I will do OK , but I like the idea of maybe once a week knowing that we will get a full night's sleep. I got the name of a post partum Douala who would be interested in helping us out. We will meet with her soon, and get some pricing on that. I had put out the word to family that we didn't really need much in terms of 'stuff' (only thing we definitely need is the mattresses for the cribs - but since we use the Amby Baby beds, we won't need those right away either) but money towards a night nanny would be awesome (figuring if we didn't use the nanny, we could use the money for diapers and formula too!).
• Starting on Dec 9th, we have coverage for the daytime with friends and family until the nanny starts on Jan 2nd. And Hulk will stay in daycare until at least the nanny starts. So, we may use the Douala for the first week to have an extra set of hands, but Aaron will be there also.

So! Things are as much under control as I can expect, I guess. And that makes me feel good.

It's teeth, der. And the standard conversation.

So, last night Aaron and I were playing with Hulk - Aaron was holding him up in the air and he was smiling really big. I looked up and what do I see? 2 more teeth! One is already through. I feel like such a bad mom that I didn't notice sooner - but relieved that the whiny buttness of my son has a reason. When he woke up this morning, I gave him Motrin and we had a large decrease in crying.

So - now that I look like I should be ready to give birth any day, I have been having this exact conversation at least once a day. Note that I have to have Hulk with me for it to go this way:

Random Person: "Is that your son?"
Me: "Yes'
RP: "How old is he?"
Me: "Almost ten months"
RP: Staring at my belly "Are you pregnant?"
Me: "Yes"
RP: "When are you due"
Me " December 2" (did I mention to you all - we scheduled the c-section for Dec 2nd. I'll be 38w2d)
RP: "Is it twins?"
Me: "Yes! Twin girls"

Then they usually just kind of shake their head, or comment that 'my hands will be full' or say "Oh my god'! One of the best things about going to that Mother's of Multiples tag sale was that I didn't feel like a freak of nature! I was with 'my people'. If Hulk isn't with me, it's more of 'normal' conversation - with people excited for me that I'm having twins.

Thanks for all the nice comments on the nursery. I'm really excited to have a plan - I'm very hopeful that we'll make progress this weekend.

I'm all about the progress

Well. This was a tiring weekend, but that isn't saying much because I'm pretty much always wiped out by the end of the day now. What is more frustrating is no matter how tired I am, I'm only really able to sleep in 1 - 2 hour increments because I have to pee or shift positions all the time. I'm trying a new tactic today which is to drink most of my fluids before 7, and see if that helps me make it through the night.

We went to that Mothers of Multiples Tag Sale, and I was mainly looking for a glider. I happen to think that gliders are an ugly necessity. I got Hulk's for free, and was hoping to get a decent one for cheap - as I totally do NOT plan on keeping either of them once they are old enough to not need to be rocked anymore. We got there just as the tag sale opened, and there was not a single glider. It certainly wasn't a waste of time - I got 2 outside swings (one like the ones at the playground that Hulk LOVES and another that is more like a plastic chair), a gate for a wider door (just like the one we currently have and love for only $5), another baby jail and a few toys (didn't go crazy though!). all for about $85. I was happy!

Not to be put off on the glider front (because I really don't want to pay upwards of $300 for one of these things) I emailed the group after the tag sale, and found someone willing to get rid of theirs in the right color for $75! Woot!

Today, I think I decided on the rug for the nursery. Which is a large level of excitement for me in my little world because the rug I have in my head does not appear to exist, and the more I think about it - I realize if it DID exist I would think it was WAY to bright. Anyway - here it is:

The other good news on the rug is that the twin's great grandmother wants to pay for it! Bonus!

I also started looking into what I want to put on the windows in the nursery. I'm planning on making a valence, but need blackout blinds. Those are pricey! With Hulk, we kept him in our room for the first three month, so I wasn't AS concerned with having the nursery done. I'm going to try to start the twins out in their room from the get-go, just because we really don't have the space for both Amby baby beds... and I noticed that moving Hulk out of our room really let ME get better sleep, when I was actaully sleeping. Anyway - it isn't like the walls have even been patched to be painted yet, nor the floor put in.... but that is Aaron's stuff! I can get the easier decorating stuff done and ready to go at least....

In Hulk news, I think he has entered that clingy stage. When he wakes up in the morning, he pretty much cries until I walk away at daycare. I used to be able to sit him happily on the floor and let him play while I walked around the room and got ready for work. Not so much anymore. I put him down, he cries. I walk into the closet to get my clothes, tears. Into the bathroom to brush my teeth? MAAMAMAMAMA. Sigh. Nice to know I'm loved, but also hard to see him so upset when he used to be so happy in the morning! I try to get as much set up in the evening as a can, so we spend most of the morning hanging out together, but it isn't like I can brush my teeth the night before! My daycare buds say this phase seems to last about a month... here is hoping I only have 3 weeks left of this!

Let them eat cake!

I passed with flying colors! I guess I am living proof that eating a full chocolate flourless torte the day before your GD test is a bad idea.

Dually noted.

I already have banana bread in the oven.

This week has been a lot of fun with Hulk. He is all of a sudden definitely calling Aaron DaDa and me Mama. He dances to music (too cute). And he stands unassisted... but only if he doesn't notice. If you make a big deal of the standing, he looks at you and plops his butt down.

This weekend we've got a huge amount planned - there is a Mother of Multiples tag sale Saturday morning, my mom is arriving in the late morning, we are all going to Aaron's company picnic Saturday afternoon... and Sunday we are visiting Hulk's godfather! Phew!

Brain is starting to fail

I'm dealing with an annoying production issue at work which has daily status meetings at 9:30 AM and 4:30 PM. Yesterday, I realized that Hulk had his repeat flu shot at 9:15, and my dog, Henry, had his second Lyme booster shot at 4:15. Like that timing? I figured I could move Henry's until tomorrow (since I'm just going to take the day off for that 3 hour GD test), and just miss the morning meeting.

Aaron chimed in that he could just take Hulk to the doc. And drop him off at daycare! Heaven! I usually do the drop offs in the morning because Aaron likes to get to work super early (like 6 AM). I spent last night making baby food (which I meant to do this weekend, duh) and packing Hulk's bags and getting everything ready to go for the morning so it was nice and easy for Aaron. Made me realize I should probably do that for myself - much easier in the evening than the morning but whatever. I did mention to Aaron that it was weird that I didn't get a confirmation call from the doc for the flu shot (we usually do) but thought that maybe because it was just a nurse visit, maybe they didn't do it.

I slept in a little this morning while Aaron got Hulk up and dressed. Aaron brought me breakfast in bed. I even took a shower in the morning! So nice! I got downstairs and still got to play with him and we even went for a nice walk around the block and talked about our day.

Aaron got to the doctors, I'm logged into work and was on the call - when Aaron calls. The appointment isn't until Oct 7th. WTF?! I was so sure it was today. Guess I'm starting to lose it.

Grrrrr.

Damn it. I failed the one hour GD test. I have to go back for the 3 hour on Thursday. The levels they want are 134 or under, and I was at 145. I wonder if the large amount of birthday cake eaten over the weekend has anything to do with it?

What pisses me off is that I passed the same test with Hulk with flying colors. Sigh. I guess each pregnancy if different. I also haven't been able to exercise with this pregnancy, and I'm sure that makes a difference.

Anyway - I forgot to tell you all about my birthday weekend. My MIL visited, and she decided to totally reorganize my kitchen and pantry. Which normally would piss me off - but our kitchen was the last thing we unpacked when we moved in 5 years ago, and even since, we've been meaning to reorganize it. Especially with all the baby 'stuff' (bottles, dishes, bibs, sippy cups) and anticipation of MORE baby stuff to come. Now, everything is off the counter, we've gotten rid of things we never use, the baby stuff has it's own cabinet and I can see everything in my pantry! Now I just need to manage to keep it that way.

28 weeks

I had my 28 week checkup this morning - everything is looking good - I'm measuring 34 weeks! And I had my gestational diabetes test - I should hear tomorrow if I didn't pass. Someone will be calling today to get me a date for my c-section! I go again for a check up at 31 weeks, and then I start going every 2 weeks, and getting non-stress tests on the twins 2 times a week.

Good thing I have an understanding boss.

Speaking of work, I decided on what I'm going to do for my maternity leave. With Hulk, I saved up all my vacation, and then used it to come back part time for the first month. Which, turns out, was awful. It was like I had to go back to work twice. Once part time and then full time. So this time, I was just trying to decide if I should take my vacation before the twins come or after. I was having trouble deciding if I should take the 2 weeks off before my scheduled c-section? To relax and also assuming it's going to be hard to move around by that point. Or after - so I can spend more time with the twins? It's a hard call - but my manager said we did it wrong last time - that before I can go out on disability (aka maternity leave), I'm technically supposed to use up all my vacation. So that pretty much answered it for me. I guess I could start the vacation the day of my c-section, but I just think taking the time before they arrive is a good idea.

My last day at work is Nov 16th (assuming my c-section is the 30th - I'll find out that today)! Of course, that is the best case scenario - who knows what is going to happen with the end of this pregnancy... but it's good to have a plan. So, I'm off work in less than 2 months! Seems like this pregnancy is flying by. Now we need to get working on the nursery....

Perfect Moment Friday

Today is my birthday. I love my birthday. It was such a big deal in my house growing up - cake, balloons, you name it. So last night, when Hulk woke up coughing, I didn't move. I decided it was my birthday, and Aaron could handle it (figuring he would just lay down and go back to sleep after a few back pats). Well, 30 minutes later, Hulk was still coughing and crying. Since I'm not working today, I went in and told Aaron to go back to bed- I can take a nap today, no big deal. He was already really close to falling asleep, so we rocked for a bit, and then went into the guest room and slept together on the bed.

Aaron came in before work and gave me my birthday cards (yep - we can never just pick one) but I didn't open them because it was dark and Hulk was sound asleep.

We woke up around 7:15 (that would be birthday present #1) and I rolled over and opened the cards. They were a mix of funny and cute ones, including one that had the song 'Move it' playing when you opened it. Hulk looked at me, looked at the card, and his jaw dropped. When the song finished, he patted the card - so I made the song play again. I started reading the last card - which was super sweet - in summary saying that we'd been through a lot but we have the best life ever (which I wholeheartedly agree with) and just as I was tearing up - Hulk starts dancing to the music.

Perfect.