Wordless Wednesday

All's quiet...

For once. I feel like we have been running full speed since Hulk has arrived! With visitors and holiday's and fun surprises (more on that in a sec) we really haven't had much downtime. But right now, I've got the baby sleeping on my chest in the Moby wrap, and the dogs and my mother are all sleeping. She is great to have here - but I'm really hoping she plans on leaving tomorrow so I can spend some downtime with my family this weekend! My mother is pretty high maintenance.

Today we went to the mall - I actually did NO shopping at all for Christmas. I shopped online for my nieces and nephews... but if you didn't get handmade, you got nothing from me. Both Aaron and I didn't get each other anything. And any presents that entered the house were for Hulk and not us - so I decided to go out and get a few things for myself that I needed. And the sales! Geez! I got over $300 dollars worth of clothes for $100. Insane. The only thing I didn't get on sale was a white noise machine - but we need it. I've been running a fan on high right near the baby's bed - and it's just too cold for that to continue (I point it away from him - but that means I'm getting a breeze all night long).

I didn't have time to tell everyone about the most wonderful surprise that I got - a quilt made for Hulk by all my quilting girlfriends. We get together about every 2 weeks to sew (and gossip) and have been doing so for about 5 years. They are the group that threw me the baby shower, and gave me the swing and loads of other presents. Well, I invited everyone over for lunch at my house on Tuesday - and they TOTALLY surprised me with an amazing log cabin quilt. I would post a picture - but the card reader in my computer is dead (very very annoying, btw). I was in tears when they said it was for me. They all pitched in and picked out the fabrics, got together multiple times to make the squares, and all sat together to sew on the binding. I still tear up a little to think of all the time these busy women took out of their lives to make my son such a wonderful present. He is one lucky boy.

Merry Christmas!

Well - this Christmas is just about the biggest 180 from last year's.

Happy Holiday's from my family to yours.

Wordless Wednesday

Idea stolen from Serenity:

OK, maybe not wordless because I wasn't going to wake the sleeping baby to get the full shot of the shirt (it says All Mommy wants for Christmas is a Silent Night).

Nursery Pictures!

Well - It's really hard to get pictures in a small room, but here are the shots I could get.

This is the wall with the changing table -

And here is the 'jungle' wall - with the CRIB!

And this is the wall with the glider (I made those cushion covers) and the curtains that started the jungle obsession:

All I have to say is that now that I can drive, it's a whole new world. I've got Aaron convinced to stay in bed for the overnight feedings - so he does the 'late' feeding after I go to bed early (I'm in bed by 8, Hulk will eat around 9 or 9:30 usually) and puts him to bed. I do the 1ish and 4ish... and we hang out upstairs until around 9 AM. Then I go downstairs, and do some chores or whatever, and we do an outing. Yesterday it was to the mall, today we did a few errands, tomorrow to my Aunt's house for lunch. Anything to get out for a bit! Then Aaron get homes around 6, and he takes over while I do my grown up things - like blogging or wrapping presents or whatever.

It's a loose schedule, and I feel like I've got some sanity!

More answers and a decision

We saw my doula yesterday. She watched me pump. My milk is totally not in. What I thought was a HUGE stream is basically a little trickle. And when I said I was in 'discomfort' when I hadn't pumped for 6 hours... she said my boobs would have been rock hard and I would have KNOWN that my milk was in. That just isn't the case. I haven't pumped for nearly 30 hours, I've felt barely a twinge.

And all the pumping and waking up and stress over being on the pump when Aaron isn't here - worrying that Hulk will wake up and I'll have to try to comfort him with one hand while trying to hold the pump on with the other? I was actually told to pump every 1.5 hours when I was awake, and try to put him to breast 3 - 4 times a day. Surprisingly - I had trouble doing that - considering I was told to pump until nothing came out... so that would take about 20 - 25 minutes. After I finished pumping, 50% of the time Hulk would need to be fed - so I'd feed him the breast milk I'd pumped, and then try to get him on the breast - but he wouldn't calm down because he was so hungry... by the time I finished feeding him and settling him down - it was time to pump again. Oh - and when we were sleeping? I was told to wake him up every 3 hours to eat, and I should pump then. So Aaron had to wake up with me to feed him because I couldn't feed and pump at the same time. Both us us were miserable and the stress was pretty high.

It's a harsh reality to come to - but I'm not making enough milk for him. And my supply isn't increasing no matter what I've tried. I've pumped every hour. I've taken 18 supplement pills (9 of fenugreek and 9 of blessed thistle) a day. I've tried drinking a half a beer (that was a sacrifice, let me tell you). I've spent hundreds of dollars on lactation consultants and renting hospital grade pumps. I need to let breastfeeding go and just enjoy my baby.

What is cracking me up here is that when a Baby Story (the TV show on TLC) would come on that had a c-section, I would turn it off - because, you know, I would never have one. And when all the formula samples came in the mail, I left them in the garage, because OF COURSE I would breastfeed.

Surprisingly, letting it go was a huge weight off my chest. Sure, a little sad too - but I am concentrating on enjoying my little man, instead of stressing on something that unfortunately just isn't working. Of course, last night managed to be a really rough night - he just wouldn't settle down! But this is our first night of fussiness... so we are lucky. And I'm more lucky, because Aaron stayed up with him - and with the stopping of the pumping every 3 hours, I managed to sleep 5 hours in a row! I'm a new person today.

We picked up the crib today! Maybe we'll get it together and I can post pictures tomorrow.

There is something rotting in my Christmas tree

On Sunday, we went out and got our Christmas tree. Brought it in the living room on Sunday night. Monday, there was a somewhat bad smell in the living room, but I figured we have poopy diapers and dogs that haven't had baths in a while....

Tuesday, it smelled like garbage.

Wends it was worse.

Yesterday - it was disgusting. I only was in the living room for maybe 30 minutes and I couldn't take it anymore.

Aaron had pretty much looked everywhere - and couldn't figure it out (we were thinking a dead mouse in the heater or something like that). Finally, out of the fog of sleep deprivation, he put one and one together and realized the smell started when the tree entered the house. And that when he trimmed off the bottom, a birds nest fell out. We took a flashlight and tried to find the source of the rot... one of those times when you both hope you do and don't find the problem? We couldn't find it - so we took off the decorations and took the tree outside.

The smell is now out of my living room - but I have no Christmas tree. I'm not sure it's worth it to get a new one 5 days away from Christmas.

We both has good checkups today - Hulk is living up to his name, and weighs 9.5 pounds! I'm also healing well, and am within 5 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight,which is cool. OK - off to look in the freezer for food - I'm considering cooking dinner! Shocking!

Every day is a little better

I would say that yesterday was my lowest day. I think my hormones were totally crashing - along with the whole fun of pumping/feeding and the THOUSANDS of opinions and advice I was getting on it all. We switched a few things up last night, and we are all feeling good today.

Tomorrow we have a very big day - Hulk's 2 week pedi appointment and my 2 week check up with the OB. So we are going to be out of the house all morning. And then Aaron will be working from home for the rest of the day - we are expecting 6 - 8 inches of snow starting tomorrow afternoon! And Saturday, the big plan is to go visit my doula, and then spend the rest of the day together just the three of us, at home, resting with my family.

My family. I like the sound of that.

Breathe

So. Since yesterday, weve had one more instance of Hulk breastfeeding - for a few minutes. You are all correct - the pumping AND feeding is really getting overwhelming. We are giving it until Friday, at which point we have a pedi appointment and we are going to re-evaluate everything. Most of the stress comes from the pumping/feeding at night. There just really isn't a way for one of us to do it without waking up the other - but Aaron doesn't really want me to just do it alone - even though HE is the one going out every day and driving and working. I'm hoping to convince him tonight to sleep in the guest room and take some Tylenol PM and try and get a full nights sleep. I spent until 2 in the afternoon today in bed with Hulk - feeding and sleeping on and off... so I could handle tonight alone if Aaron will let me - but I guess we will just have to see.

I was talking to my doula today, and the thing is - I just love this little guy SO much. And I worked so hard to get pregnant, stay pregnant and then birth him - I just don't feel like I can just give up on breast feeding. I know it is the best thing for him... but I also know that I was raised on formula and I turned out pretty damn OK. It's a struggle to decide. For now, I'll keep pumping and working with the little guy - but I do know that this can't go on like this forever!

Better today

Last night, when Aaron got home from work, I was totally overwhelmed. I was basically hopping up every 30 minutes to feed or change or pump or eat or answer the phone all day. Side note on the phone thing - why is it that people I barely talk to EVER on the phone now are calling me daily? Like my father and my mother in law. AUGH!

Anyway - Aaron took charge - waited on me hand and foot, even put up Christmas lights! We were both in bed by 8 - and the plan for the evening was that I would still get up to pump every 3 hours, but we'd let Hulk sleep until he woke up. The lactation consultant had told me to wake up Hulk every 3 hours to feed, and I think that was what was killing us. Sure - the fact that I was pumping and not getting to actually FED him was there too - but Aaron just wasn't getting why we were waking a sleeping baby ever 3 hours? None of our friends ever heard of that. I thought it was because of the minor jaundice he had - but a friend whose son had SEVERE jaundice didn't even do that. So last night, even though I got up 3 times to pump, Hulk only got up 2 times. Of course. Aaron didn't manage to get any sleep... but we are getting somewhere.

The best thing?!? This morning, I fed him (from the bottle, all breast milk - so at least we have that). I then put him in his shaky seat to sleep while I pumped. I pumped for a few minutes, and he got fussy again - so I picked him up and was patting his back - he nuzzled his way down to my breast! And ate for about 10 minutes!!! I was SO excited. He was already full from the bottle - but it was great progress. I'm pretty happy.

Day one

Well. Today was my first day on my own... mostly. Aaron left for work at 5 AM (yeah - he is crazy like that) after a pretty good night with Hulk. If you add it all up - I probably got about 5 hours sleep (in 1.5 hour stretches - but I'll take what I can get!). When we got up for his 6:30 feeding - my mother was up and ready to leave. I kind of thought she would stay until lunch - but she was totally ready to go. I convinced her to stay for a bit more, and snuck another hour of sleep, and she fed him while I showered. But then she was gone.

I don't know if the struggle is just that we aren't breast feeding yet - so I have to pump and then feed him (he is pretty much getting 90% of his food from breast milk! Just not from my breast.). And then, today, he was up wanting to eat about ever 1.5 hours - 2 hours, where his pattern before was every 3 hours. So I was trying to time the pumping so I could do it before he woke up hungry - and I didn't manage to hit that window ever. So I'd be pumping, he'd be crying.

Sigh.

I know it's only been 10 days - but I'm getting frustrated. The lactation lady came and told me to just do skin to skin if he wasn't accepting the breast - which he still isn't... so obviously she's seen this before and things work out - but I just wish one bit was easy, you know!? What if he never breast feeds? I'm happy that he is gaining weight well and getting mostly breast milk - but I thought this whole breast feeding thing would work out. And of course, I read two blogs today where they talk about how the whole breastfeeding experience was so wonderful and helped them bond.... not like I'm NOT bonding with this little guy - I really don't think it is possible to explain the amount of love I have for him already.... but I want to have the whole breast feeding thing too!

OK. Pity party is over. I'm sure that this will all work out - I just need to keep working at it! The visiting nurse came yesterday, and was also very encouraging. Hulk is up to 8 lbs 14 oz - so is gaining to 1 oz a day that the doctor wanted to see. I just don't have any experience with this - so I have no idea what to expect and what is good or bad. We'll get there.

Products that I already love...

Things here are going awesome. We are into a groove, and I'm totally and completely in love. I'll save the mushy post for later... but I wanted to tell you about a few things that are making our lives so awesome that I wanted to share. All of these items were suggested by my doula, and I'm so glad we listened!

The Amby Baby Bed. This is like a hammock for the baby - and he loves it. We get him mostly asleep (or sometimes he is passed out) and put him in... and if he stirs, it gently rocks him back to sleep. I would highly recommend this to anyone.

The Blessed Nest. It's expensive, but the best nursing pillow ever!!! As a woman of size, I was nervous about what I heard about the Boppy not 'fitting'. The is a wonderful pillow filled with organic buckwheat hulls. Everyone who has seen it or used it can't stop talking about how awesome it is.

The Moby Wrap. I just started using this yesterday, and it's FREAKING AWESOME. I can hold Hulk and walk around, or sit in the chair - and he is right there and totally comforted and warm. I'm also trying to do a lot of skin to skin time, since we aren't 100% on the breast yet, and I can wrap him up for Kangaroo care with this (I actually haven't tried that yet - but I can see how it totally will work.).

I think we are going to leave the house in a bit to get our Christmas tree - I dressed Hulk for the occasion:

He is sitting on a Minky blanket that I made for him (minky on one side, flannel on the other)... what a hit that has been! I made then for all my friends who have had babies lately, and two for myself... what a great and easy present. Super soft and nice and warm. Great combo for a newborn in New England's winter!

That's a good story for the baby books....

The only really challenge that we have been having is breast feeding. My milk has been slow to come in - he latches well, but gets frustrated because he isn't getting full flow yet. Which is understandable! Big baby + no milk = an upset baby! So we have been working with a lactation consultant. The first plan (that the pediatrician suggested) was just let him nurse for as long as he would without getting upset (he would get upset when he would suck and not get much) supplement with formula, and then pump for 15 minutes. I then talked to the hospital lactation consultant, and she suggested using a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS). You put formula or breast milk in this thing around your neck, and then run little tubes to the nipples, and when he sucks, he always gets something. At the hospital, with both Aaron and the LC helping - this would go awesome. He would latch on, feed for 40 minutes to an hour, and then I'd still pump just for the extra little something.

Then we came home. The big problem with the SNS is that when Hulk nurses, he is super grabby... and those little tubes are tempting for his little grabby hands. So - I first have to spend 5 minutes setting up the freaking system, then trying to get him to latch and NOT pull off the tubes. It was SO frustrating and just NOT a good experience all around. We decided to have another consult with a LC - and when I called her and told her what I was currently doing (feed with the SNS, then use the bottle to finish the feeding and THEN pump) she said - wow, that is a complicated feeding plan. And I started crying. She told me to just pump and feed him from the bottle until she came the next day. It was like this huge weight was lifted!

Her visit was awesome. She said we were doing all the right things - he latches, it's just that he is an instant gratification kind of guy. She thinks once my milk fully comes in, we'll do great. So, my plan was to try at the breast 2 or 3 times a day - but mostly, use the expressed breast milk in a bottle, and then pump - feeding him every 3 hours, and with me pumping at least every 3 and as many as every hour and a half. And has been going great.

Here comes the actual funny part of the story. Last night, I was up feeding Hulk. I just finished feeding him, changing him and getting him settled (the needs of a newborn! So easy! Eat. Sleep. Shit. Repeat. Many many many times). The weather here was REALLY kicking up - we had a bunch of rain and wind - and is was below freezing - so the rain was icing up on the trees. It was a trip to listen to while rocking in the nursery. I sat down to pump, did that for 15 minutes, and was putting everything away when the lights went out. I was figuring that would happen - but I woke up Aaron and told him the power was out (since he was up next for feeding) set my alarm for the next pumping session, and went to bed.

Got up at 3. No power. Breasts getting a wee bit sore.

Got up at 7. Breasts are THROBBING. NO POWER. I tried to get Hulk to take some sucks - but to no avail. I then remembered that we had this thing that we could plug into the cigarette lighter of the car and it converts into an outlet. Aaron went to look for it, and couldn't find it. I called my LC, as I was getting nervous about what to do. My breasts were feeling like they were going to pop off my chest! She said if possible, to go to a church or gym or something and pump ASAP - because besides my discomfort - we were kind of sending my body mixed signals. It was finally starting to get the idea - and then I didn't pump for 8 hours.

Thankfully, a neighbor had that same type of converter. So - I've been sitting in the car, in the garage every 1.5 hours pumping. Don't ever let anyone DARE tell me that I'm not trying everything to get breastfeeding to work for us!

The good news is the power is BACK!

Wow.

First night home was a bit of a killer. We are all adjusting (even the dogs!) pretty well. I'm working on getting my milk in using an SNS and pumping - last pump got me 22 ccs. The c-section recovery isn't horrible, but I need to be better about keeping on top of the pain meds. I'll go 10 hours between a pill (I'm supposed to take them every 3 hours) and it will hit me al of a sudden.

I'm tired, happy, stressed, in love, scared and excited all at the same time.

I had no idea what having a baby would be like - and it's nothing like and more than I ever expected.

Happy and tired. Hopefully more pictures soon of Little Hulk (we decided not to throw his name out on the internet - but trust me, we picked a good one. Everyone approves.) Off to watch 'Hulk TV' (which is me sitting in a chair watching my son sleep. Nothing better in the world).

The Story

Well. Adjusting to life with the cutest little man ever.... but I wanted to share our birth story before I got to far away from it.

Thursday night, Aaron dropped me off at the hospital to spend the night with the cervidal inserted. I was nervous for everything to begin, but hopeful that maybe the cervidal would be all that was needed to get things going. I slept pretty decently, but they did give me a sleeping pill to help with that. In the morning, I woke up around 6, took a shower, Aaron arrived, and we started the pitocen. I thought it was going to just start contractions right away.... but that wasn't the case at all. I had little contractions that I didn't really feel on and off all morning. The doc came in around noon and we decided to break my water to get things going. And things did get going... but not super strong until about 2. I was walking the halls and bouncing on my ball (they had some in the L&D unit - but I swear they were for munchkins! A neighbor brought mine from home). I was pretty tired at this point, so some advice that my doula gave me was to rest when I could. I climbed into bed - and then I started having this awesome combination of 'pit' pains with 'real' contractions. I couldn't get on top of it - and was definitely questioning the whole 'no medicine' decision. Aaron suggested the tub - which was an awesome suggestion.

I totally relaxed in the tub - and stayed there for about an hour. It was a great tool - but I then wanted to get checked and see how far along I was (I hadn't been checked yet - I started the morning at 1cm). We did the check - 3 cm. I was really tired and upset at this point - I'd been laboring for about 9 hours. I thought I would lay down and rest - and then the contraction started up about 3 minutes apart, and pretty hard (I was on a pretty high dose of pit also). I admit that I started to panic at that point. I told Aaron our 'code word' that I MEANT it - I wanted drugs. He talked me off the epidural cliff, and they gave me a type of morphine, and called in my doula to help. She arrived just after they gave me the shot, and really helped me though the next 3 hours of labor. The worst bit was that I was starting on back labor - but it was more on my left hip than my back. That was convincing me to ask for an epidural.

At this point it was about 10 pm, and my doula and I decided that if I hadn't progressed past 5 cm, we would do the epidural. The pain from the back labor was really intense, but I was moaning through the contractions, and it was working pretty well. Aaron and my doula were rubbing my back - Aaron was working out what we thought was a cramp in my hip. The doc came, and after 3 full hours, I now was to 4 cms. I started crying, and we all decided it was time for the epi. I was on my side, and we were talking about how that was the right decision, and hopefully now I could relax and dilate some more, when I just started throwing up. I think it was a combination of the pain and the mophine. I actually felt better after that!

The came to put in the epi, and that worked pretty quickly! I was nervous that after making this big decision, that it wouldn't 'take' for me like I had heard others say.... but that certainly wasn't the issue. I was telling everyone that I loved them, and we all decided to lay down and take naps to get ready for the big show. Unfortunately, things weren't going to progress that way. The little guys heart rate would decelerate with each contraction. The doc turned off the pit for a while - and his heart rate went right back to normal. He said we would turn the pit back on at a lower dose, and watch it. He gave us about 45 minutes, and unfortunately, things didn't get better. The doc came in - and told me we needed to change plans... I was going in for a c-section. Considering that this was pretty much the only thing I DIDN'T want to occur - I handled the developments pretty well. I knew that something just wasn't going right.

At this point I don't really remember much. They prepped me and whisked me away. The actual c-section wasn't scary at all. Both Aaron and my doula were allowed in the room, and it was great to have them there - but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I really wanted to see what was going on - but I was completely out of it. I did wake up to learn he was a boy, and gave him a kiss as Aaron took him to the nursery. The doc then explained to me what the issue was - he was sunny side up, and the cord was short and wrapped around his neck - the sunny side up part was why I was dilating so slowly and the back labor, and the cord issue was why his heart rate was slowing down. Once I got into active labor, my uterus was pushing him down, but he couldn't make it because of the short cord. So - the c-section was obviously the right decision - even though it wasn't in the plan!

Aaron was with the baby in the nursery, they finished sewing me up and brought me back to the room - and it all hit me! I had a baby! And he was perfect. Sure, not the birth I had envisioned, but wonderful all the same.

Meet Our Son!

Here he is!

He entered the world last night, at 11:41 PM via c-section. 8 lbs 12.6 oz, 21 inches long, red hair blue eyes! Busy admiring him - full birth story soon.

I'm in love.

Due Date baby

Well... assuming no action between now and then, I'm being induced on Friday morning! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

My BP was 160/100 at the doc's office this morning. Everything else looks fine (baby's head is low and I'm 1 cm), but they would really rather I deliver than sit around with my blood pressure this high. So - although not my perfect idea of going into labor - I'm going to be having a baby! Soon!

Tonight Aaron is going to come home at a decent time, and bring me to get my toenails painted (this is a very important item on my checklist). Tomorrow we go into the hospital at 4 PM, they give me cervdril and a sleeping pill! Then on Friday morning - we fire it up. And apparently, then a baby comes out!

Aaron is in charge of updating you all!

Baby's first playdate

On Sunday, I went over to visit my neighbor. She was due a week ahead of me, and had her little girl a week ago! I, of course, had to go over and see the cuteness:

She had just finished breastfeeding - and I found out that my pregnant belly is the perfect shelf for a contented 5 day old baby.

Too cute, right?

300 posts

Wow. I don't have much to say... but I noticed that if I post today, it will be my 300th post! Crazy!

The rest of my weekend was good. I decided to go for a massage on Sunday - and I went to different place than usual. They had one of those pregnancy pillows - so I could lay on my stomach. At first, it felt great - but then I got really nauseous and starting sweating. It was horrible! Once I turned over on my left hand side, I felt a lot better. It was weird.

The other thing is that I've become a horrible driver. Aaron and I went somewhere in 2 separate cars, and he followed me. I thought I was doing just fine, but he told me I was almost totally off the road the whole time, and that I narrowly missed hitting a post with my side mirror. Sigh. No more driving for me.

I'm wondering if you guys have any guesses as to whether I'm having a boy or a girl? You know I still don't have any vibe on that!

Not stressed

Well. My BP was still high when I first got on all the monitors, but once I laid on my left hand side, it totally settled down. The baby looked 'gorgeous' said my doc, and no protein in my urine. So I was free to leave! Hurrah. No more checkups until my scheduled doc visit on Wednesday morning.

My doc also said that once I had the baby, all would be well - and I joked with him that the other doc (this is a new guy that just joined the practice) said I could go two weeks over my due date. my doc laughed and said - he is new - he doesn't get the make the calls. So - guess I'm going to have a baby no matter what by Dec 12th. As I was leaving he said - ok - go into labor now! And laughed.

We also installed the car seats today! It's a little crazy to have a car seat in the back of my car - crazy good.

No news.

Well. Still pregnant! I really don't think I'm going early. Aaron is betting Dec 7th - and he tends to be a freaking oracle when it comes to guessing stuff like this.

I've been feeling fine. Of course, when my blood pressure was so high on Weds, I really felt fine then too. My mom arrived on Weds night with her 8 month old boxer puppy, and I'm going to lay it out that 3 boxers is WAY too much dog in one house. It's finally calming down a little today. But Thanksgiving was great, and today I 'worked' from home - and almost finished the baby bumper for the crib. It looks great. And Aaron went and picked up the changing station (since the crib probably isn't arriving until after the baby comes). We figured we should at least have a changing table upstairs, and since that was waiting in the store - he got it for me today. It looks awesome, and fits perfectly in the room! Hurrah! Seeing how good it looks makes waiting for the crib not quite as horrible.

Tomorrow we are off to my non-stress test. Why do they call it that? I bet I'll be all stressed out worrying that I'll BE stressed out. After the test, mom wants to take me to lunch, and then do a little shopping. I'm hoping that is the outcome - instead of needed to be induced. I'll report back tomorrow.

Yep, I have a back up camera.

Well, this morning was awesome. I woke up at 5:30, and couldn't get back to sleep. I was both hungry, and had a bunch of stuff running through my head that I wanted to get done today. I had some boxes I wanted to bring to the garage, a slow cooker meal to get started, laundry to start, sewing gear out of the dining room (we may need that for dinner tomorrow, lol) and general clean up. I also wanted to get gas and hit the grocery store. I pretty much got that underway, and left at 7 for the doctors (and get gas and the grocery store).

At the gas station, I managed to back up into a van (yep - I didn't even look back OR use my back up camera! WTF! I'm a better driver than that!). No damage to the van, but I dented my bumper. I was pretty upset, but not hurt or anything. When they took my blood pressure at the doc's office, I was at 160/100. Whoops! Which apparently gets you a trip to L&D to be monitored. By the time I left, my BP was down to 111/55 - but they want me to stay on 'modified bed rest' until I go back for a recheck on Saturday. Which kind of works out nicely - no cooking or cleaning allowed! Of course - that is what I did with my morning... but I called my Mom (who is arriving tonight), and she is all upset too. I feel like I'm going to be treated like a princess for the next 48 hours.

I may or may not take advantage.

In exciting baby news, my neighborhood pregnant buddy had her baby last night - a little girl - 6 lbs, 12oz. Her due date was this upcoming Friday - so I know she is happy to have her here! Hurrah for new babies.

Tagged

So - the only baby news I have is that the god damned crib now is slated to arrive on Dec 12th. *Insert Angry Cece here*. Although I'm past angry now - just annoyed.


But Serenity tagged me for a fun meme - and I know if I don't post, people will think I'm in labor.... so here we go!


My responses:
Where is your cell phone? Chair
Where is your significant other? Work
Your hair color? Blond
Your mother? Close
Your father? Unkind
Your favorite thing? Yarn
Your dream last night? None
Your goal? Labor!
The room you’re in? Living
Your hobby? Knitting
Your fear? Loss
Where do you want to be in six years? Here
Where were you last night? Aunt's
What you’re not? Stressed
One of your wish-list items? Vacation
Where you grew up? CT
The last thing you did? Lunch
Your mood? Happy
Missing someone? No
Your car? Murano
Something you’re not wearing? Rings
Favorite store? Webs
Your summer? Good
Love someone? Aaron!
Your favorite color? Purple
When is the last time you laughed? today!
Last time you cried? forget

The rules to this meme appear to be simple: tag a blogger that you love via the above button. Said blogger then must answer these questions with ONE word each only. I can’t explain why 31 questions and not just 30, nor the number tagged, which is seven.
I am tagging:

Jen
Jen
Emily
Christy
Ge0hde
AmySue
Blu

Nursery Progress!

Well. I feel like we are now, officially, ready. We went and got everything we *think* we need (which I'm sure we forgot something). Aaron even assembled everything! The only item left on my list is to clean and install the car seats (they are borrowed from a neighbor, just a little dusty).

My time was spent taking everything out of the packaging and washing what needs to be washed, and organizing everything else. Which is totally unlike me. Aaron painted the wall that needed to be painted, and we put up the tree decal. I don't want to put anything else up until the furniture comes - which Aaron is going to fight that battle today. We are hoping for a delivery on Friday. But now it's become a joke... Aaron was saying we should maybe order the crib for our hopeful second kid now. Sigh.

I went upstairs to take a picture of all the progress - but it pretty much looks like nothing was done! But the rug is down, and it looks perfect. And the decal took a good hour to get up on the wall. Once the crib and dressing table arrive, we probably have about 2 hours of work, and the nursery is ready to go. Only other big 'move' is to take a chair out of our bedroom so we can put the bassinet by our bed.

In actually baby news? I'm not feeling much different. I have some cramping in my lower abdomen... but it feels like stretching? And considering the SIZE of my belly - that makes sense. But sometimes the cramping takes my breath away, and I practice relaxation breathing. I don't think they are contractions though, since they are only lower down? But how the heck do I know?! My doc said I will DEFINITELY know when I'm having contractions. At this point I'm kind of hoping to make it through the week and enjoy Thanksgiving... I'll start willing my LO to come out on Friday!

38 weeks

Thought I would throw up my last bathroom self-portrait, as today is my last day of working in the office! Here I am at 38 weeks:

Wow. I certainly can't be accused of being small, lol.

My boss is super understanding, and when I suggested a while back that I start working from home 2 weeks before my due date - he was totally fine with that. It isn't like my desk job is demanding on my body - but the 25 minute drive to the office, the 1/4 mile walk from the parking lot, the hike from my desk to the bathroom... by the end of the day, it all adds up to making me REALLY tired. Plus - the lovely ankle swelling, since I can't put my feet up at my desk.

It's really going to be weird for me to not come into the office for over 3 months! The longest I've gone without working since I graduated from college is a 2 week vacation. I know that maternity leave isn't 'vacation' but it certainly isn't going into a corporate office every day! It's going to be quite a change for me.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Aaron and I are planning on going to the store and getting our final few items for the baby. Aaron is going to paint that wall in the baby room, and I'm going to put up the decals on the wall, along with putting away the gifts/clothes that are in the main part of the nursery. So - even though the furniture still isn't here - I'll feel like some progress has been made. And we are also going to get some pictures taken of Aaron and I by a photographer friend! We haven't had any good pictures taken of us since the wedding... and I wanted a nice picture of me all pregnant. Hopefully they come out well.

Seeing Aaron as a Dad

Things are really starting to become real for me that Aaron and I are going to be parents soon. The milk thing. The fact that I'm signing consent forms for the hospital. Filling out the paperwork for the baby's birth certificate. The fact that this weekend, we are able to use our 'complete your registry' coupon at BRU (which you get when you are 2 weeks away from your due date - surreal! And it always seemed so far away!).

The other big change - is Aaron has finally started to act REALLY excited about the baby. I think it a combination of the fact that my due date is really soon, that you can visibly see the baby kicking from the outside, and then fact that things are calming down with my FIL (he is still obviously recovering, but we are settling into a routine now, things are now to some type of 'normal'). The other day, Aaron told me that he had a surprise for me. And brought me down to his workshop and showed me the most beautiful box. He is making a keepsake box for the baby's first year - so we can put things in it to remember that first year. And he was so sweet - he told me that this box was pretty much the last thing that he and his father talked about before he had his stroke... and that this baby is a miracle of modern science - and he wanted to make a really memorable way to store the items from it's first year.

We were both crying.

I've always known that Aaron is going to make a great father. But as we get closer and closer to d-day, he is showing me more and more just how excited he is, his eyes light up when he sees the baby kicking... and all the work he is doing around the house to help get ready for the baby - it all just makes my heart swell.

This is going to be one much loved baby, is all I have to say!

Due Date Milk

I went to the grocery store yesterday, grabbed a gallon of milk, and check out the sell by date:

What are the odds (Dec 5th is my due date!)? It's also a bit of a realization that my due date is getting REALLY close!

Went to the OB today - I'm Group B strep negative - which is good news. No IV needed for me. My weight took a bit of a jump... 7 pounds in 2.5 weeks.... but I'm really starting to swell - so I'm trying to take that bit of information in stride. My BP was good, the baby's heartbeat was great. All good news.

We talked a bit about the delivery. He mentioned that he hasn't done an episiotomy since he joined this practice - they prefer you to tear (which for me is good news). They also let you go 42 weeks before they get pushy about induction (unless of course, you start to show signs that the baby needs to come out). All in all, he just made me even more comfortable with my choice of that OB practice for my natural childbirth.

Hurrah!

Still here!

I just realized I hadn't posted in almost a week! I've been having fun, not having a baby, lol. I took Friday off of work - and drove up to Portsmouth, NH and had a really great weekend with a bunch of girlfriends. This is a group of people that I met when taking a beginning quilting class at a local quilting store. I had walked by the store numerous times, and was just sucked in by the beautiful fabrics and projects they had. On a whim, I signed up for the class.

There were 6 of us, plus the teacher. We all hit it off the second we met each other. The class was supposed to go for 4 weeks, we pushed it to 6. We then decided to continue meeting as a 'private' lesson ever two weeks - and have been doing that ever since (this is over 4 years ago!). I doubt I would have even gotten this into quilting if it wasn't for the women I've made friends with! Anyway - this quilting weekend is put on by our 'teacher' (I put in quotes because she is more of a friend than a teacher. Maybe a quilting mentor?). We go to this great little town, stay in a neat bed and breakfast, and just have a blast all weekend. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to make it because I would be in labor or something - but it was awesome. I actually only worked on one quilt all weekend - but it's a whopper - a king sized quilt for our bed. It's almost done, I'm hoping to finish it this weekend. That would be a HUGE project to have done before the baby comes.

In baby news - I'm starting to swell. When I sit for long periods of time (like when I was quilting all weekend) my ankles got HUGE! I also did a lot of sitting on my exercise ball, and when I stood up a couple times, it felt like my hips were 'clicking' back into place. Gross. I didn't work out all last week - I was thinking that I deserved to just SIT for a bit, but I ended up going to the gym last night and using the elliptical for 30 minutes - and I have to admit working out still makes me feel better! So no more wimping out on that!

Tomorrow is my first internal check to see on my progress... my bet is that there isn't anything going on in there. But I'll report back tomorrow!

When I'm 'allowed' to go into labor and a vent on my nursery

So. I've had two phone calls in the last two days. One from my mother, telling me a can't go into labor until she receives her new dog bed (shipping time 7 - 10 days, so not until the 24th, I assume, since that is 10 business days?). And my doula called last night - she needs to get minor surgery next Weds, and would appreciate it if I didn't go into labor on Weds. Then she went on to tell me that weekends were really the best.

Personally, I definitely do NOT want to go into labor until at least after this weekend - because I have a getaway planned to a B&B with my girlfriends.

Seriously! I know these are people that love me and everything, but it's not like I can control ANY of it. I even crack myself up - willing myself to stay pregnant until at least Monday, lol. I'm not feeling like I'm going into labor any time in the near future anyway. Of course, I ask around, and none of my friends really felt anything that gave them a 'sign' before they went into labor either. I'm feeling like I'm going to go sometime the first week in Dec - but that is probably more wishful thinking.

Moving onto a totally different topic....

I don't know if I've whined about this on my blog, but I have everywhere else, so why save you gals from it? Aaron has finished the wall in the baby room - so, if I actually HAD furniture, I could have a beautifully set up baby room right now. But NO. The set that I was somewhat annoyed would take up to 12 weeks to arrive, is now onto it's 14th week. We have no baby furniture. Of course, the baby will be sleeping in the Amby Baby bed to begin with, and everyone is telling me that the nursery doesn't have to be done for the baby's arrival...

BUT I WANT TO SET UP MY NURSERY.

I have these cute decals I bought that go with my jungle theme, and then I even got a custom made 6 foot x 4 foot tree for the little City Birds I bought to sit in - here are pictures... first, the fun tree:

And here are the cool City Birds:

I also already mentioned the other 'jungle' decals I got for over the crib.** I went with cool yet inexpensive decals - because I really didn't want to spend a bunch of money on 'nursery' decorations, when you know that in 10 years, the walls will be covered with posters or whatever, and the cute 'baby' artwork is in the attic.

I just don't want to put up the decals until I have the furniture - since the placement of the decals is really a one time thing, and I'm not 100% sure of the fit of everything in that room.

Whine whine whine. I'll get over it.

** I must also admit that I'm having a bit of a crisis over having that deciduous tree alongside the vines from the jungle.... since it wouldn't happen in nature, right? But my friend Tarsha tells me that in a baby room, we can just pretend each wall is a different climate. I need to let it go - I'm such a freak!

Approaching 'ready'

This weekend, I sorted through all of the baby stuff. I have gotten a bunch of hand-me-downs lately (one advantage of taking forever to get pregnant!). I now pretty much feel totally ready for this baby to arrive. I have the car seat (not installed, but whatever), the Amby Baby bed. Plenty of clothes. I washed all the sheets and blankets and clothes. The nursery isn't ready yet - but the crib still hasn't arrived. (that is a whole other story - it was supposed to take 12 weeks tops - now we are looking at 14 - but they are assuring me free delivery). Once it does, Aaron and I will really only need a few hours to set everything up - the room is all put together... I just need to decide on placement of everything, and that is no big deal.

I've gone from the stage of freaking out that I'm going to have a real baby all of my own - to a kind of excitement to meet the little one. This upcoming weekend I'm going away with some girlfriends, and it feels like a last hurrah - kind of like the last hurrah I had before my transfer? Like, I know things are going to change, but it's a good change. One I'm excited for, have planned for, and now am finally READY for. But - I'd prefer to wait at least another 20 days or so. Mommy would like for the crib to be here and stuff. Maybe I should pack my hospital bag.....

Surprise Work Shower and Tick bite

Yesterday - my co-workers TOTALLY surprised me with a baby shower! They were so generous - I got loads of things that were on my registry! Now I barely have anything left to get. Just the stroller and a diaper pail (well, and diapers and wipes and baby soap - but those don't seem like a big deal). It was a little bit overwhelming to have all these people staring at me and watching me open presents, but baby stuff is so cute that I had a lot of fun opening everything.

Last night Aaron and I went to bed somewhat early (I've been REALLY tired when I get home after work this past week). I was snuggling up with my snoogle when I felt something stick me. I lifted up my leg - and it looked to me like I had a splinter. I called Aaron over and he pulled it out - and told me it was a tick! Yuck! In all my dog owning years, and dog walking in the woods - I've NEVER had a tick bite. And it hurts! Damn it.

Aaron is freaking out that I have Lyme's - so I called my doc this morning - we'll see what they say. I'm not too worried now, because the nurse did mention that in order to transfer Lyme's the tick needs to be attached to your body for 24 hours - and I really think that I actually felt it bite and we got it off right away. But we will see. I guess the bite will stay red and hurt for another few days, and then if the redness come back and spreads, that is when I need to worry.

U/S and checkup

Well - all is still well on the baby front. We had the positioning ultrasound today - and they confirmed what I was already pretty sure about - baby is head down. But they also got some other information... like the baby is medium - medium/large (about 6 lbs 6 oz now), and my placenta was low lying at the 18w u/s, and that is totally fine now. The fluid levels are also good.

Funny thing is - I didn't even think to ask for a print out of the u/s! Crazy, huh?

They also did the group B step swab today... guess I find out the results of that next week. Since I'm now onto weekly appointments!

For me, I was SO tired yesterday I could barely function. I'm working from home today, and am very happy that I only have one conference call to deal with. 30 days to go!

Sweet Pea and birthing

Lookie what my LO's godmother dropped off last night!

This is the first of a few hand knitted items that I know are coming my way. Suzanne told me this is the 4th PeaPod sweater she has knit for different babies - and I can see why! It's super sweet, and unisex. It's also the 12 month size - so Hulk can wear this next fall! Hurrah!

Aaron and I spent the bulk of the weekend hanging out with the other godparent - Darrin. He just got his trailer full of stuff for his new house, and needed Aaron's help bringing some of the heavier stuff inside. Darrin bought this very sweet little farmhouse which is over two hundred years old. It really have a lot of nice character... but Darrin is 6'8" and a lot of his furniture is BIG, and the rooms in the house are SMALL. So there were a few challenges in during the move, to put it nicely.

The funniest part of the whole day, was when they were trying to get a queen sized mattress up the very narrow stairwell. I was in the other room and I heard lots of PUSH! and CAREFUL! Darrin yells over - 'Cece come here!' So I waddle over to see if they need my help.
Nope. Funny man Darrin says that I should take notes, since birthing will look a lot like this.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Energy?

So - I've had a big uptick in my productivity.... I wouldn't say so much on 'energy' level - but I've been crossing some of the annoying things that have been on my 'to-do' list for a long time. Like birthday presents for nieces, dealing with finding receipts for my annoying health care spending account (it was for $24 transaction! I spent TWO HOURS straighting that out), depositing checks, and loads of other little things that have been on my 'to do' list for about a month. I even washed the dog beds yesterday - which is not a minor chore (and the whole time they are in the wash - the dogs stare at me - 'What did you do with our beds? Are we supposed to lay down on the FLOOR!?').

I've also been working on getting my Christmas crafting done. I usually knit/sew a bunch of my presents, but tend to wait to start that until Mid November, and then realize that there is no way in hell I'm going to get everything done in time. This year, I went up to my craft room, and pulled down the half-finished stuff from years past, and am finishing it up for presents for this year. I finished up a quilt for my mother, another smaller quilt for my father, and cut up fabric for some aprons that I had brought to give away last Christmas! I feel like I'm actually ahead of the game on that stuff - but we'll see how long the motivation lasts.

The baby presents are still arriving - look at the super nice diaper bag I got yesterday!

It's the Frankly Scarlet Baby Bag from Vera Bradley - and I love it. I never registered for a diaper bag - because I really didn't want a Winny the Poo bag or something else horrible like that (horrible for me - I understand many people will think that is fun). This is a great size, and I think really nice looking - so I was really excited to get it!

A new week

Well, last week I was feeling sort of whiny - but this week I feel a lot better. There is a lot to be said for the value of a weekend! Saturday was spent with friends - I did a little sewing, went out to tea, watched Ironman (I love that movie - Aaron ordered it so we now own it), then went to a dinner party. At the dinner party were two women with 3 month olds - it was great to get some good birthing advice from them. They both had natural childbirths... and were very encouraging. Plus, I got to hold the babies.

Sunday we spent going to my FILs and getting him some clothes, getting his mail, and other assorted things. We then went to visit him in the recovery center, and honestly came away a bit disturbed. He just seems really frustrated - and we couldn't find anyone to talk to. He tries to talk to us, and when we tell him we don't understand what he is saying - he gives up and gets angry. We bought a laptop at their request - he'll type gibberish on it and then get made when we can't read it. He asked us how we got there (by car) and tells us to take him out. When we told him he had to stay there, he gave us the finger. Nice, huh? Things is - Aaron and I have no idea what to expect. What sort of comprehension is really going on with him. Does he know that we can't understand what he is saying? Does he understand that he can't leave because he can't even sit up on his own? There really wasn't anyone there to answer our questions on Sunday - so we are planning a trip on Thursday morning, prepared with a list of questions so we can get to understand things better.

But in general, it's just really sad. We are glad that he is pretty much out of the woods in terms of the immediate issues (brain swelling, secondary strokes) but now we are settling into the harsh reality of what his life is going to be after the stroke. Seems to me like it's going to suck pretty bad - but maybe I'm just feeling down after Sunday's visit.

In happy baby news, my LO is moving around like crazy. I called to see the status of our crib - and it will be here by Nov 3rd! And the rug for the room has shipped! So, I'm hoping that this weekend Aaron will spend fixing the wall, so I can spend the weekend of the 8th decorating! Hurrah!

34 weeks.

3 weeks to go until full term. 6 weeks until my due date. And I'm officially ready to complain about pregnancy. I have a LOT of heartburn. Praise the lord for zantac. But I'm also getting lower back pain. That is remedied by sitting on my exercise ball (sometimes). The biggest complaint? My belly HURTS. It feels like things are getting torn up in there sometimes. If I roll over the 'wrong way' in bed - OUCH. Of course, I can't really determine what the right way is, because it seems to me like there is no difference between the times that hurt and the times that don't.


Wah. I feel like I'm being a baby. But whatever. I'm still able to work out at the gym... was on the elliptical yesterday for 30 minutes and it felt great. I also started drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea today. I've heard that it tones your uterus... and a lot of people on my natural birth board swear by it. I asked my doula, she isn't 100% convinced it does anything. But it doesn't hurt, so why not, she said.

Oh - want to see a picture of me bowling on Weds? It's a crappy iPhone picture - but still pretty funny:

Not the most flattering picture, but again, whatever.

I'm pretty glad it's Friday, like I am every week. Although it seems like the weeks are flying by - such a difference from the beginning of my pregnancy. Now, when I actually have things to do and no time to do it in - time flies! This week I really have minimal plans. My friend Tarsha is coming over to sew on Saturday... and that is it. We will be visiting my FIL in the recovery center (Aaron reports that he is MUCH happier there than he was in the hospital, so that is good). But mostly hanging out and doing stuff around the house.

Random Wednesday

1. Good news yesterday on the FIL front - he is eating on his own! No more feeding tube! We are pretty freaking excited about that - it also means that he will get discharged from the hospital and into a recovery center. I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of progress he makes with some real PT.
2. Fried Clams + Apple Cider = horrible, horrible heartburn.
3. I'm taking my team out bowling to thank them for a lot of hard work over the past couple months. I'll see if I can get a picture of me bowling. I'm thinking that is going to be pretty freaking funny.
4. I'm currently obsessed with lists. Christmas gift lists, people to call when the baby comes list, to do lists for stuff around the house.
5. I dreamt last night that I very easily gave birth, without my doula there and my doctor was looking the other way. When it first came out - it was a baby - but then changed into a puppy. I attribute this to my flip answer when people ask me what I'm having = 'It's a baby!'.
6. I'm getting a flu shot tomorrow. Let's hope for no yucky side effects.

Is it sinking in?

When I go to my doctors appointments, they have started saying things like 'You'll be full term in x weeks'. I laugh and say I'm just not ready yet - so this baby is going to have to wait the full 40 weeks. But in all truth, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Our lives are changing - in a HUGE way - and for sure that is going to occur sometime in less than 2 months. In general, I'm a big planner... and for this baby, I've done my fair share of planning. First, obviously, the IVF cycle. Then signing up for day care at 12 weeks, finding a doula, planning my maternity leave.... but other things? Things I thought I'd be totally on top of? Not so much.

For instance - the nursery. I have a few friends that are also pregnant right now, and some are due right around me. The rooms are totally done. Besides the fact that there is a hole in the wall (which I have high hopes for him closing up this weekend), my crib won't be delivered for a few weeks, there is NOTHING on the walls, and the rug was just ordered.

Sure, I had a shower, but I certainly haven't gone out and bought boxes of diapers or wipes...

Do other pregnant people feel like this? I have this vague understanding that a baby is due in my life on December 5th - but it seems kind of surreal. I love to feel the little guy/gal kick... I loved washing and folding and fondling all the sweet little baby clothes from the shower.... but it all seems kind of like an abstract idea more than a reality.

Or maybe I'm just going crazy.

OB appointment and 'surprise' shower

Again, I almost forgot about my OB appointment this morning. Everything was good - still measuring on track, baby's heartbeat in the 140s and I got to meet one of the docs in the practice that I hadn't seen yet. He was pretty nice. Makes me happy - as you don't really get a choice on delivery day who 'catches' the baby, and so far - I like all the docs in my practice.

This weekend was all about having fun. I was more than a bit burned out from the week, and Aaron insisted that I continue on with all my weekend plans. Saturday I had a BLAST at the Sheep and Wool festival - you can see the fun here. And on Sunday, I had my 'surprise' baby shower. I put surprise in quotes because my mom totally told me about it on Thursday. I had received some cute crib sheets in the mail from my cousin, and I called my mom to talk. I mentioned the sheets from Beth, and she said 'Oh - that is because she can't come on Sunday'. And I said - 'On Sunday?'. You could hear crickets on the other end of the phone line. But another person blurted about it on Friday - so at least she wasn't the only one.

Anyway - all my friends were there, and it was great. For big ticket items, I got my swing and my play station thingie. Yet another benefit of being one of last in my group of friends to get pregnant, is that I have friends with lots of stuff that I can borrow for this baby - like a car seat, baby tub, bottles, bottle liners, pack-n-plays. Sometime this week I'll start asking for those things that were offered up, but I didn't want to take until after the shower. As for the other gifts at the shower?

These are Aaron's favorite - hand made bibs:

She made little bibs with soccer balls, an 'I love my dog' one.... just too sweet for words.

I was starting to stress out that I had minimal clothes in the house for this baby - but those fears are now set aside:

Plenty of long sleeved onsies and adorable outfits - and all will match great with my huge collection of baby booties and sweaters. I did get one hand knit present, and a promise of two others - but none were finished in time for the shower. As a knitter myself, I totally understand that! I'll post those when I see them for real. Oh, and as I type this, I realized that I didn't take a picture of a very sweet car seat blanket one of my friends sewed up for me... I'll dig that back out for a picture later.

Next up? Baby books! One of my pals has 2 sons, and they helped pick out the majority of the books pictured here... but had a lot of trouble wrapping their brains around the fact that we didn't know if it was a girl or a boy:

So, maybe my daughter will love dinosaurs... I know I did when I was a kid!

And finally - super cute toys:

Now I get to start the fun of washing and folding up all these sweet little baby items.... and hopefully the crib arrives soon. I called to see the delivery status a few weeks back, and they had mentioned it should be here at the latest by the end of October. I also ordered that rug I posted about a few weeks back - and that should be here sometime this week. Once the crib and rug are here, I need to get going on decorating the nursery!

TGIF?

Man, has this week been crazy. Aaron is obviously a mess, so I've been trying to keep him somewhat calm, while continuing to work, and take care of a houseful of guests AND myself. I'm not sure if working was smart - because I've been somewhat useless - but my boss is on vacation, and specifically asked me if I would be working this week (even after he heard what I was dealing with). On Monday, when we talked, I didn't realize just how hard this would all be - so I didn't think it would be a big deal.

It kind of is.

I've learned a lot this week - some of it things that I wish I never had to learn. But others - like when someone dies or is sick - I know we all bring food. I've done it myself, but just because it is what I was taught to do. Turns out - that was almost the biggest help ever. Maybe it's because I'm 8 months pregnant, but the energy involved in feeding 5 people (I had my MIL, BIL, Aaron's best friend and Aaron and I here at one point) is huge. Shopping, cooking, cleaning up... having someone just drop stuff off - what a life saver. And the other things? Like friends forcing me to go with them fabric shopping, or to a pedicure or even this weekend, I'm off for the day to NY Sheep and Wool - great distractions.

Sitting in the house feeling bad for my FIL or Aaron pretty much just makes me cry - and thinking about the impact that this is all having on Aaron and his family breaks my heart. It would be so easy to just sit here in wallow in it, but again - lessons learned from all the IF shit - life goes on. You can sit and stew and get upset and rage at the world that life isn't fair.... or deal. Sure - we are still raging against the world, and yeah. Having your father have a massive stroke at 61 IS unfair. But we'll make it through. We know we will.

Obviously I wish we weren't dealing with it NOW. But you don't get to pick the timing of these things. And we have an awesome support network. So we'll make it.

Rock Band and Baby Things

I think I've mentioned before, but in this household, we LOVE Rock Band. I hate video games.... LOVE Rock Band. We just got Rock Band 2, and it's been really great this week to have a distraction that is somewhat more interesting than sitting and watching TV. Last night we started the evening at our local Mexican restaurant - and let say that more than a few margaritas were consumed. More than a few toasts were raised to the fact that my MIL flew home yesterday, lol. Then we got home and there were shots of tequila. Aaron and his brother really needed to blow off some steam (and man, let me tell you how much fun that was being the one who couldn't drink).

Anyway - we are playing this song that Aaron has been trying to get 100% since we got this freaking game, and totally wasted out of his mind, he managed it:

He was happy, to say the least.

Since this is mostly a baby blog.... let me show you the quilt I've made for the room:

It's a really simple panel quilt - but I just love the little jungle animals - it is from the same fabric collection that my curtains came from. I have been looking for a while for the right fabric for the backing, but it was difficult to find something that matches, as I first bought the panel about 3 years ago.

On Monday, to try and regain some sanity, a friend and I decided to keep our plans for a trip to a quilt store. Look at what I found!

Perfect matching fabric from the same collection for the back! I'm also probably going to make bumpers for the crib out of this (I got 5 yards).

Today, Aaron and his brother are off to my FIL's house to get phone numbers of people that we don't have (like his housekeeper and stuff like that), clean out the frig, take out the garbage... blahblahblah. But after that, we are going to go see his younger brother's new daughter! She was born yesterday. I can't wait! Pictures of the little cutie tomorrow.

Stuff

First - thanks for all the well wishes. Just last night, he is seeming to snap out of it a bit... he was pretty drugged up before. Aaron is taking the day off going to the hospital today and trying to just breathe today. But, my FIL still can't really talk, his right side is still not moving, and he can't swallow (so has a feeding tube).

This whole thing is turning into such a drama. For whatever reason - Aaron's mother is here. And trying to be heavily involved in everything. His parents were married for 33 years, but got divorced 7 years ago. They basically haven't spoken (except at our weddings) for 7 years. And she broke his heart - as she was the one who left HIM pretty much without an explanation. For Aaron (and his brothers) it is very difficult to see her at his bedside, holding his hand and rubbing his head. It's just strange and disturbing. Plus, it just feels like she is up to something - which makes us sound paranoid, but she is totally capable of something like that - which is sad.

Having my MIL in the house also is like walking around on eggshells. For instance, we are currently in 'trouble' for not inviting her for Christmas. Like currently as in she brought it up at the ICU. Adam tells me that she already had tickets to go to Portland for Christmas - so WTF!? So - first WHY DOES she care what our Christmas plans are when she isn't planning on being here anyway.... and FUCK! I'm not willing to make plans to have a bunch of people at my house near my due date! What if I go late? What if I'm not ready to have a houseful of people ?! And perhaps NOW isn't the time to HAVE that conversation.

My home is my sanctuary. And this weekend, I didn't even want to go home, because I had my MIL and BIL staying with us, and I needed to take care of them AND Aaron. The only one I want to be concentrating on is Aaron. I want to hold him close and protect him from anything that can hurt him anymore at this point. It sucks.

The only good thing in all of this is that the baby is kicking around like crazy - so every time I get a big kick, I smile and tell it that everything is going to be OK (more for me than the baby).

Aaron's father had a stroke

On Friday, my FIL and I made this big plan to surprise Aaron and come watch a soccer game he was coaching. I arrived at the field, to see someone collapsed with Aaron laying down next to him.

Very, very long story short - it was a massive stroke, and their is not much we can do but wait. The doctors are being pretty (brutally) honest with us, and explaining that he may not regain speech or motor skills (he has no control over his right hand side). My FIL is basically Aaron's best friend, so this a huge blow to him. The plan this weekend was for me to go away while he and Aaron worked on that upstairs laundry room. That is another thing that makes this all so surreal - my FIL is only 61, and although not a pillar of health, certainly a strong man. So seeing him in a hospital bed, totally helpless and unable to speak - I'm unable to describe how that feels.

We are dealing pretty well. At first, Aaron was totally devastated that his was RIGHT there when it was happening, and couldn't do anything. I think we managed to talk him down from that when he realized that his father lives alone - and it's pretty much a miracle that he was with us when it happened (and not driving, or god forbid working in his woodworking shop). Aaron's brother is in from Portland, OR - and Aaron mother is also here. Aaron's best friend is also here for the week. So we have plenty of support around this week, but I'm thinking that this is going to be much more of a long haul thing. And a lot of the long haul will rest on Aaron and I, as he is divorced, one son is on the other coast, and his other son's wife is having their baby via c-section on Tuesday.. the rest of FIL's his whole family is in Chicago

For now - we are all holding up well, but I can see how this could easily cause us to burn out. Aaron's mother like to be all involved, but she is his EX-wife. So it's frustrating to Aaron to have her so involved.... but my FIL was obviously happy to see her when we went to the ICU with her today.

I don't even know what else to say. Maybe that this sucks? That doesn't seem to cover it. Our life has drastically changed in the past 36 hours.

Look what Aaron found

Yep. It's a Baby Hulk costume. So.... I guess I know what my baby is going to be for it's first Halloween. God save me if it's a girl, and the conversation I'm going to have to have to talk Aaron out of it.

Again, TGIF - but this past week wasn't half as bad as last. I'm on my way to the cabin tomorrow morning to spend some time with mom... so that should be fun. Leaving Aaron and the dogs here while he coaches a soccer tournament and works on the laundry room/closet. Hurrah!

2 bads and a good

The bads:

I'M SO FREAKING HOT RIGHT NOW. I'm dripping in sweat at work. I went and got an Icee from the Mobil station, and have a fan blowing directly on me. But seriously. Hot. hothothothothothothothot.

I woke up at 3:30 AM hungry. I laid there for a while, thinking how the heck could I possibly BE hungry, considering I had a whole calzone to myself for dinner at 7:30. I didn't get up to get something to eat until 4. And then just laid there for another hour. So I'm hot AND tired. Whine.

The good:

I found the perfect rug for the nursery.

It's great match for the curtains and the other colors - but also not super 'baby' so it'll be able to be used for a while. I'm going to order it next week. Hurrah!

OB appointments that you love

Last night, I was setting my alarm for this morning. I set it for 7:45 AM (my normal wake up time if I'm working from home). I laid down, started reading my book, and then totally realized that I had a doctors appointment this morning! This kind of cracked me up, as in the early months of my pregnancy I would be so nervous about each appointment - thinking about it for days or WEEKS ahead of time.

Guess it's hard to be nervous about things being OK when the LO is kicking around like a crazy baby all the time.

And the news from the doc is that all is perfect. My BP was 122/86, I lost a ½ pound from last time. The baby’s heartbeat was great, and I’m still on track for a medium sized baby (hurrah!) He also mentioned that I not only passed my GD test, but I was well below the threshold. So he was happy with that. He mentioned that I’ll be full term in 6 weeks – and asked if I was ready…. And I said – would a hole in the wall of the baby room indicate readiness? Hahaha. I then asked if there was any way he could feel around to see if the baby was head down, and he said he’d try – and feeling around he found the baby’s head-down, with it’s back to my right side. So that is good news! My doula tells me the next step is to get it moved so it's back it facing the left side - but we'll worry about that in a few weeks.

It's interesting to me that I lost weight - but not a HUGE surprise. First, I had a cold for almost 2 weeks, which made me not be able to taste anything. Then, the only time I feel comfortable is when I'm moving. So I've been swimming/walking pretty much every day. I'm 2.5 pounds away from moving the BIG weight on the scale up a notch - must admit I'd be happy not not ever hit that milestone, but with 8 weeks to go, I doubt that is going to happen.

WTF

So. I don't know why stuff like this annoys me so much. But last night, I was at the gym. And two rather chatty ladies got on the elliptical machines next to me. They were chatting about how a local bank was rumored to not be doing well, so they moved their $30,000 out of that bank - so they wouldn't lose it. I kind of chuckled, and the other woman said - isn't that protected by the FDIC? And the other lady said - I think so? And since they were already talking so loudly I couldn't help but hear, I said - yep - you are totally protected up to $100,000 - and more now that the bail out bill passed).


They asked me how I knew that - and I said I work for Large Bank X (thinking to myself - um high school economics?!). And they thought that was a good answer. They also kept on asking me questions about how to use the elliptical machine (you know, because it's brain surgery). Needless to say - they were talking to me and looking at me for at least 20 minutes. As they were both getting off the machines, one asked how everyone was holding up in my office. And I said it was pretty stressful, but since my bank is one of the more stable ones - it wasn't too bad. Then I mentioned that I was really looking forward to my maternity leave.

She then said - are you hoping to get pregnant?

COME ON! Seriously? I'm freaking 8 months pregnant.

Guess they are in the camp that thinks I'm the unfortunate pot bellied woman. Sigh.

So I explained that I was due on Dec 5th - and they both looked at my closer, and said - good for you! It's good that you are still working out! And then went on to tell me that both had children (like I didn't know that from the 20 minutes of discussing their children's test scores.). It was hard for me not to say something nasty.

Coming home outfits

It's FINALLY not raining and/or cloudy here, so I can take some good pictures of the sweaters I made the baby. I'm a bit of an obsessive knitter, so knew I wanted to knit a cute sweater to bring the baby home from the hospital in. Problem was, we don't know if it's a girl or a boy. I finally decided to just go for it, and knit a pink and a blue sweater. I figure, if it's a boy - my friend down the street is due 5 day before me with a baby girl - so no waste there. If it's a girl, the little boy sweater isn't totally ALL boy - I could put flower buttons on it or something.

Mom and I want out last weekend to BRU and picked out the outfits to go under them.

If it's a baby boy, mom spotted this right away:
Because of the way the sweater is, you won't see the sweet little animals on the top - but the feet of this are little bears!
Can you stand it? We are doing a jungle theme in the nursery, and my mom is a bit obsessed with staying in 'theme'.

This is the super cute onsie I found to match the baby girl sweater:
Naturally, after I got it home, I noticed it's a 3 month size. Sigh. It is just right, so I hope I can find the same one in a newborn size.

Shopping for baby clothes is fun! But - a bit frustrating if you don't know the gender. I'm holding off on all other baby clothes shopping until I know what we have. I do have a few super cute onsies that friends have given us as hand-me-downs, so the little guy/gal won't be hanging around in just a diaper....

Dreaming...

I've been reading a lot of books lately (hurrah for my new kindle!) - and I just sped through the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. If you haven't heard of it, they are YA books about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. If you like a little bit of trashy reading - it's totally addictive! Anyway - due to having the plot from that book on my mind (and I hope I'm not ruining the book for anyone) and my meeting with my doula, I had some totally crazy dreams last night.

As usual, I don't remember the whole thing, but basically, I had my baby (a little boy) that could totally talk to me - not outloud, but in my mind. He came in a really easy birth, and then people were freaking out and telling me what to do - and we just hung out by ourselves and were fine. Someone was telling me that babies couldn't take baths - and the baby and I looked at each other an laughed. We got into the shower together. It was just a funny and cool dream all at the same time. Don't you wish that you could read your baby's mind when it came out? Wouldn't have to stress about why it was crying - you would just know.

Anyway, I'm definitely finally feeling really pregnant. Haven't been AS uncomfortable as I was on Monday, or maybe it's just that I've resigned myself that it's time I start to feel different. I went for a walk yesterday, and really had to push myself to go for it. My lower back was hurting... but it did feel good to get out in the fall air. I love the fall, and the dogs love running around in the woods. I'm also realizing that walking the dogs with a baby will be an interesting, if not impossible task.

This week was crazy at work. I'm so glad that it is Friday I can't even put it into words, to tell you the truth. I'm going to prenatal yoga Saturday morning, and then I have a massage. After that? I'm totally just lounging around the house. And I can't wait.

It's starting....

I'm getting uncomfortable. Mostly at night. If I'm not completely exhausted by the time I got to bed, I'm tossing and turning all night as different parts of my body go numb. Aaron tells me that on Monday night, I would swear for about 5 minutes (loudly, in my sleep) about how hot/cold/uncomfortable I was - and he would try to take the blanket off/on/adjust my pillows, only to have me wake all of the way up, and grumble about having to pee, and get up and go to the bathroom.

Yep - I'm so much fun it's awesome.

And now at work I can't sit for more than about 15 minutes without getting uncomfortable also - which is difficult because most of my job involves being in meetings for at least an hour at a time. I'm thinking of bringing in one of those exercise balls to at least sit on at my desk.

But last night I decided to go swimming, even though I didn't leave the office until late - and it was a great idea. Getting some exercise in while feeling weightless is great. Only weird thing was that there was only one other person in the pool, and she was also visibly pregnant. I kept trying to catch her eye so we could talk, and she never gave me the impression she wanted to. But whatever. I didn't get home until 8 PM, and by the time I got to bed, and was conked out! Only got up to pee (X 3). Hurrah!